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Posted 7/27/2012 1:37 AM (GMT 0)
Hey guys, it's been a rough last couple of days for me.  I don't know why my anxiety and depression is acting up so much lately but I am continuing to try and fight it off.  It's so annoying and tiresome though and sometimes I just really want to take a few extra xanax and just sleep the day away (I don't though).

Could use some positive stories about when people were in a spot like this?  I just feel like I'm not here and just floating through everyday.  The days take forever because I'm not DOING anything.  I don't think of stuff that I want to do anymore, if I do it's always something a month or so away and when that time gets near, I get extremely anxious.  My new thing now is trying to organize a football tailgate with all my friends which hopefully goes well, but I keep wondering how I'll be.  It's annoying to think this way instead of just rolling with the punches.

I know everyone here understands the anxiety part of it, but the depression is what is killing me as well.  I don't want to do anything besides lay around all day, then I get upset that I can't sleep (no crap, because I didn't do anything all day).  I've been thinking a LOT about working out and getting back into a healthy regiment but when it comes down to it I always feel like I'm 'not here' and decide not to begin the workout.  When I say 'not here' it's like I feel like I'm not in control, have the lightheaded and foggy feeling.  This feeling pretty much constant the past year/2 years.  I'm wondering if it will ever get better  and I'll ever feel energized and focused like I used to at times.

Anyone have any tips to fight off the bad moments when I beat myself up over feeling this way?  I've found that when I have a day off from work that I'm worse then when I'm actually working, probably because I'm not doing anything.  It's especially bad when I just lie around in bed in the morning after I wake up, my mind just wanders and thinks of the weirdest things from the past/present/future, it just wanders all over the place.  Only problem is I don't have much going on besides schoolwork so I don't have much to really take my attention off of it.  I'm single and majority of my friends are working full time while I'm working part time for now and it's just frustrating.  Feel like a loser too for still being in a bachelors degree program at 27 and working a part time job.  Makes me feel like a failure because by now I should already have my degree, if not my masters, and be well into a career by now.  Should probably already be engaged/married by now too.  But nah, instead I'm 27, single, employed part-time, only an associates degree, and have anxiety/depression problems.

Sorry guys, just bumming lately.  In a rut again and trying to work my way out of it.

Posted 7/27/2012 3:39 PM (GMT 0)
Mike,

I wish  could help out but to be honest I am in a bad place myself right now and I know how you are feeling. I have been in a  rough place since December but I seem to be getting worse and for me that means working harder at staying in the moment and not letting the anxiety and depression take me so low I can't find my way back up.

In order to be happy, healthy, and have a little peace of mind  in life you need to not only live one day at a time…you need to begin being present. Learn to stay in the moment. That is my best advice to anyone struggling with anxiety/depression.

Take care,

Kitt

 

Posted 7/28/2012 9:20 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the responses guys. Kitt thanks for being able to relate to how I'm feeling, although I do feel bad for you as well because I know how bad I feel at times and nobody should have to feel like this. I wish you the best and hopefully we can both start staying in the moment and feeling a little better soon.

Enduronman, thanks for the post and tough love as well. I definitely need that sometimes. Yesterday at work was a really bad day, I had to pop a xanax just to calm myself down to get through it. Today I didn't have to do that so hopefully it's going in the right direction. When you said to go read about the rheumatoid arthritis forums, I get that 100%. I don't have it so I don't mean I understand it in the way that I don't have a physical illness such as that, but it's what contributes to my depression and guilt. I don't have an illness, atleast not physically thank god. Well if I don't have an illness, why the hell do I feel this way!? Why the hell did I just lose my drive and interest in things that I used to love doing!? That's what drives me nuts is that there is no answer for it, it's just the same old anxiety/depression and that is so hard for me to accept that I let myself let it get this bad. I'm not sure if you understand that point of view but that's honestly how i feel.

On another note I hope you don't have rheumatoid arthritis, if you do than you're one tough dude for being able to keep your head up through that. I remember I was diagnosed with fifths disease about 5-6 years ago, but it took them a LONG time to figure out that it was that. It causes severe joint point and restriction in movement and OMG i was in the worst pain ever, I couldn't move my knee at all. They thought I had lupus or rheumatoid arthritis, and when I came up positive in 1 test for lupus they were convinced that it was one of the two and had me see a specialist. I forget exactly what that kind of specialist is called but I remember seeing people going into the waiting room who were in so much pain and I felt bad for them, here I was in so much pain and scared n crap and the other people can't walk bc they're in so much pain. Thank god it wound up not being that, and I wish you the best of luck man on your battle ahead with it if you do struggle with it. Also, it's never too late to turn stuff around man, regardless of age. I said it the other day too but that's just when I get myself real down that I believe that nonsense.

Going to just keep on plugging away at my degree and work and see where it leads me. Trying to keep my head up and stay focused. Thanks again guys.
Posted 7/28/2012 9:46 PM (GMT 0)
HI mike,,
well one I am jealous you have xanax. the doctor will not give me any. I was on them for 5 years and they helped me with depression anxiety. now I am newly on prozac,, and waiting for it to work. Have no idea what the big deal is with doctors and xanax.. I took the same dose for 5 years.. and yeah I had bad withdrawls.. took myself off cause it was such a monthly fight to get them.. went without any meds.. till this month.. when I found out I have lyme and rocky mountain fever tick disease.. yuck no wonder I have not felt good. Had this for I dont know years ,, they told me I had fibromyaglia.. MS.. now why would it be so hard to know you have Lyme??

As for your depression.. I get the guy above telling ya to pull yourself up by the old boot straps.. and look at rhematoid arthritis .... But depression and anxiety is a sickness just like rhematoid arthritis just different symptoms.. So.. one I wonder if you have ever been checked for Lyme.. it cause anxiety and depression.. if you have a test make sure they run a western bloc for lyme.

Sometimes the best thing we can do is figure out if there is and underlying problem causing the anxiety n depression.. not that getting rid of lyme is a walk in the park! But worth a shot.

Life is what it is.. Mike. You dont think you are where you should be by now.. Only thing is many of us are not.. or maybe we were and life pulls a big whammy and changes it all in a blink of an eye. So the biggest thing is at least know where ya want to go.. and work towards that goal.. which it sounds like you are. have faith that you will get there.. best of luck ,, you sound like a nice guy I think someday you will find a wonderful girl. :)
Posted 7/29/2012 8:46 PM (GMT 0)
i am the exact same way. i dont leave my house unless it is to go to work. i stay home all day and do nothing because the fear of going out. i hate how i cant go out and my fear has taken over. im seeing doctors now so hopefully they can help. ive stopped driving, i dont go to friends, i dont do anything except work. i start at algonquin in september and i dont know how im going to do it. the doctors said that i will be fine by then, hopefully. im praying. my friends always are yelling at me and my family too complaining that i dont go out, they dont understand. i hope you get better :).. have you tried seeing a doctor??
Posted 7/30/2012 12:24 AM (GMT 0)
Bars thanks for the words of encouragement as well. I think I have an idea of what direction I want my life to go, it's just a matter of being able to have my head screwed on straight to be able to make the necessary choices to get there. My number one goal is to graduate with my bachelors degree, that will help me get into a job that will hopefully pay pretty well and money and a job that I'm actually interested in doing will hopefully go a long way towards helping me be able to relax a bit. I also think about wanting to move out so bad and the fact that I'm single, I've though more lately about women and dating then I ever have in my life. Sad part is? I still haven't been in a relationship and currently don't really have anything going in that department. I used to always tell myself relationships weren't for me due to the fact that I got turned down a couple of times in the past, then when I finally had a girl who was interested I messed that one up by telling myself I wasn't good enough at the time because I was recovering from my reconstructive jaw surgery. So yea maybe one of these days I'll grow a pair and be able to man up and take the leap of faith.

Brittany, I'm sorry to hear that you're in the same boat as me. As you already probably know all too well, this crap suuuuucks. I sit around and have ideas of things I would like to do, but can never get myself to get up and actually do it because I'm so darn nervous about being away from my comfort zone. Have I seen a doctor? Yes, I've seen plenty of doctors. I've been to about 3-4 different therapists and they all told me the same thing, I'm supposedly not crazy and supposedly it's just anxiety/depression. I find that hard to believe though, how can it last this long and not be something serious? I take 20 mg lexapro everyday and xanax at night to try and help sleep. I get in about 6-7 hours a night but it's usually really broken up and terrible sleep though. Currently just switched jobs and am in the last month of my probation period, so my medical doesn't kick in until september. Going to have to just go another month without seeing any docs and then work something out from there. That's if I even decide to go back to treatment, I feel like it didn't really do much for me.
Posted 7/30/2012 12:37 AM (GMT 0)
Mike-

A tip I have is that I do some kind of kind deed- it doesn't have to be some kind of life saving or changing type of thing- but it makes me feel like I've made a little difference in the world and all those little things create big things.
Maybe you could try that.
I wish you all the best!
Posted 7/30/2012 11:46 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Mike

I can totally relate to everything you've written about. But to me your lucky your still going for your education! this is turning into one of my biggest regrets, dropping out of uni. Im 23, also single, and feel like a mess most of the time. but the only person who can pull me together is me! There is always someone worse off so try and look to the positives.... even when it seems like there arent any. I also do a lot better when im working and my mind is distracted, i function completely normally. After a day off im a wreck from crawling about in my head. Im considering CBT for this... maybe this would work for you too.... I dunno.

Anyways i just wanted to say you're not alone! and your post was so familiar its scary. But thanks as it made me realise im not alone in feeling this way either.

 

 

Posted 7/30/2012 11:32 PM (GMT 0)
No problem Princess, by the way why did you stop going to school if you don't mind me asking? My problem was I was so anxious and nervous in the classroom. My mind was always wandering and preoccupied on other crap and could never stay in the moment and actually focus. The BEST move I made in the last 2 years, and honestly, probably the BEST move I made ever about my education was signing up for online classes through University of Phoenix. Depending on what you want to do I'd be skeptical of enrolling into their programs, but I enrolled into an accounting program there. It's a lot of work and a lot of reading because it's all online. But it allows me to do it at my own pace, to do it outside the stressful (for me) class setting. Everyone's different so that might not have been the case for you. Just something to think about though, I love my choice of going there so far and am REALLY looking foward to hopefully sometime next year being done with my degree.

Best of luck
Posted 7/31/2012 10:24 PM (GMT 0)
You know what's funny E-Man? The last time I actually had a visit with my psychiatrist (haven't been to the doc in 3 months because lost benefits for now) she had me fill out this retarded in depth self assessment test. I filled it all out and she said it was a test to see if someone could potentially have ADD/ADHD. Supposedly I scored very high on the test and she asked me did I ever have trouble in school (i took the question as in high school) with focusing or my grades. Honestly? Not in high school, all these problems starting arising in college. I didn't give it much attention because I absolutely despise medicine. I knew I was already on lexapro and xanax for sleep, and refused to even think of the idea of trying out another new medicine. Also worried about how it would mix with the medicine I'mc urrently taking, or even worse, what if I had to come of the lexapro? Would it get worse again?

Just interesting that you mentioned that because it's the exact same thing that she brought up. I just honestly didn't want to "experiment" to figure out if it was or not.
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