slow but anxious day

Hello HealingWell family!

I thought I would vent, or comment a bit on how I have felt today/yesterday. Yesterday (Aug 4) was my birthday and everything was pretty calm, laid back and boring. Which is fine with me because I am not big on having huge parties or going out to town to celebrate. Anyway, I woke up a bit anxious, but nothing that I couldn't handle, I keep my worrisome thoughts at ease for the most part. When I went to my mom's and ate cake and ice cream all seemed to go fine, I stopped feeling nervous. Again, I have no idea why my nerves were acting up, I have tried hard to figure out what triggered it. So after and hour of hanging out with my family I went back home, then a few minutes later the nerves started acting up again, this is where it went a bit haywire. I started thinking about my weight, the whole reason I am nervous over my weight is because every now and again my family makes comments that I am too skinny, but I eat everyday, I even take vitamins to keep the right amount of nutrients in my system if I don't eat enough healthy foods. Heck, when the whole day of my birthday I ate 4 triple stuffed oreo cookies, a bowl of grapes, two cupcakes covered in a thick layer of icing, a bowl of ice cream AND ate a double quarter pounder and a large fry from McDonalds. I tried writing some in my book but my mind kept getting distracted, so I browsed the net for inspirational quotes to help encourage me, still nothing has eased my nerves. I can't seem to relax :( I'm not anxious, that I can tell, and I haven't had a panic attack, which is awesome, but my nerves are just up, and every now and again I get the chills like I have an internal coldness. The last few days I have been focusing on eating more, in fear that I may be too thin (even though the BMI say's i am fine), or worse that I have some sickness that is causing me to be skinny (which I will not even google to find out, don't feel like stressing myself out even more if WebMD shows up and say's I have cancers or something horrible). I don't know, just getting tired of the feeling. I have been doing so well lately and to start feeling nervous again is a slap in the face.

Something else that has been bugging me is that even though I have been taught that positive self-talk helps anxiety, and how the mind can change a sick person in to a healthy person, I find my self not believing it. I think this thought is actually having an effect on my healing process. Honestly, I can't understand how thinking positive and changing my perception in life can impact my life in a good way, I don't see how it can change my anxiety. It really bugs me because I am in college for this sort of stuff (psychology) and I KNOW first hand how therapy works, yet I don't believe it works.

If anyone can comment, or encourage me please don't hesitate to do so. Thanks!

Thank you AnxiousGuy! Today has been okay so far. I woke up late because I stayed up late, I was finally able to write a few pages in my book. Had a bible study with my girls outside in the sun and boy did the heat drain me all I want to do is lay down and sleep lol. But I am forcing myself to stay up, I don't want to take a nap and then be up all night tonight.

Thank you Scaredy for the encouragement,

What you said actually made sense and made me feel better. You said that "whether or not you consciously believe the words...they still have a healing effect on the mind." You saying this really made me relax over my doubt in all this. I have been stressing myself over the fact that I don't believe in it, and that only belief will make it happen. And now that I think about it, it has nothing to do with believing (not really), because according to psychology and science, what happens internally will result externally. So even if I don't believe, as long as I have those words in my mind, things will eventually work out.

Thanks again!