Posted 7/18/2012 9:47 PM (GMT 0)
Alright. So basically I've had this "foggy mind" syndrome on and off for about five years now. Every once in a while I'll just get this feeling where everything is fuzzy, it's hard to think straight, and I feel significantly more dumb because of it. Whenever I feel this way, words don't come out nearly as easily and when I'm talking to people I'll constantly mix two words together by accident. For instance, today my mother asked "How'd it go?" and I replied "Wood." (A mixture between "well" and "good") . It's also more difficult to read and my eyes feel weird. It's hard to describe exactly HOW they feel weird, but I suppose the best way to put it is- you know when you get really tired and your eyes daze out and your vision starts to blur a little? That's how it feels. I especially get that feeling (both the fogginess and the weird eye feeling) when I've been staring at one thing for a really long time- say if I'm watching a movie, browsing the internet, reading a book, etc.- or when I'm in a light colored room with fluorescent lights. I just want to put sunglasses on to get rid of the foggy mind feeling! (this is why I had such a hard time in high school, I think) So what I'm wondering is, has anyone else ever had this weird foggy mind/eye thing? If so, what is it, and what can you do about it?
Also, I have an oddly specific anxiety thing (I think, I've never been officially diagnosed or anything, maybe someone could point me in the right direction?) where if I feel anyone is relying on me, especially when it comes to things like money and jobs, I get very nervous/want to escape. I'm not really sure why and it's very hard to describe, but right now I'm volunteering at an Animal Shelter near my home and even that's a challenge. I've tried to get a few paying jobs here and there since I graduated high school in June, but I haven't gotten anything. I think it's because of this innate feeling I have that I want to escape and really don't want to be there, and it shows.
I just feel incredibly weird interacting with the public or strangers for a job when my life's earnings/self-sustainability depends on how well I interact with them and how good of an impression I make. It seriously freaks me out. Anything else I'm fine, like if I'm with friends, but as soon as money's involved, I suddenly second guess myself on every little thing I do in social situations and I get this feeling of dread knotted in the pit of my stomach. My hands shake, I can't think straight, I sweat in embarrassing places...it makes it almost impossible to get a job and I'm beginning to feel like a failure and a bum for just sitting around my parent's house without earning my keep. And my mom is vocal about her displeasure as well which only helps to FURTHER my anxiety and I really just don't know what to do anymore. Why can't I just be like my friends and get a normal job without freaking out? Help!