Hi Everyone! I am 28 yrs old. I've been living with health anxiety and I am a huge hypochondriac and germaphobe! Oh and I'm scared of doctors.
I have been dealing with this for about
ten years, but have been scared of doctors and hospitals for as long as I can remember.
Everything that feels abnormal to me is a sign I'm dying of something. I always look up my symptoms online and self diagnose.
I just recently went to the doctor because I had a cold. I feel like I should have never gone. I was put on an antibiotic and the side effects are awful which in turn made me think I was dying or developing c-diff or kidneys are shutting down or heart attack. My mind just wonders. I looked up how long the side effects can last and it says up to 72 hrs. I wish they would go away now. My cold is already gone but now I'm dealing with this problem.
My anxiety has been so bad at times I never want to leave the house I'm scared I'll have a heart attack in public or pass out or have a seizure even though I've never been diagnosed with anything. Only doctor I regularly see is my gyno because I'm on birth control.
I always have high blood pressure at the doctors office cause I'm so nervous about
being there. I take my blood pressure like ten times a day and keep a journal. Anytime it gets high I get really anxious which makes it higher.
I really make myself nervous which leads to more nervousness an new symptoms. I get dizzy a lot, headaches, back aches, stomachache, I grind my teeth in my sleep and during the day, I have heart palps a lot, the list is endless.
Another thing I worry about
is my weight. I am not overweight. Im 5'1" and 112lbs. Some days I feel thinner and I think why am I losin weight without trying it must be cancer. Then when I feel I have gained weight when I should be losing I think maybe my thyroid is out of wack. I am just a nervous wreck all the time and it effects my work. I have to leave work so frequently cause I feel ill.
One bad thing is my husband doesn't understand so it makes it more difficult to deal with.
I refuse to take medication. I tried Zoloft when I was 20 and it was horrible. I hate Meds even antibiotics which has me really messed up right now. I knew I shouldn't have taken them. I barely take Advil or Pepto, only when it's absolutely necessary.
I have found the only way to calm myself down is the bathtub. I sit in the bathtub for hrs at a time when I need to. Nothing else seems to help.
I really want to get a cat scan and MRI to make sure everything is ok but I don't want to do blood work. Last time I did blood work was 5 yrs ago at the height of my anxiety and everything was normal an I blacked out during it.
I would really like to do a sleep study as well because my dreams are so realistic and I have nightmares almost every single night since I was a kid. It's awful.
Right now I am in a bad place and I want to crawl out of this hypochondriac nightmare!