Posted 10/28/2012 8:42 PM (GMT 0)
Hi all. I've been coming to these forums to try to decode my own problems, but this is the first time I've ever posted. I just had to stop reading thread after thread, because they often made me more nervous and anxious. So hopefully someone can share their thoughts! I feel pretty alone right now.
I'm a high-strung college kid with a lot of stress and anxiety (shocking...). I've never liked the idea of pills because I'm a control freak and my family has a history of addiction. But 5 months ago, after another anxiety attack, I went to a walk-in clinic, got a prescription for 50mg of Zoloft, and begrudgingly began taking it. Over the summer, I realized pills simply weren't for me, as I just didn't feel like myself on Zoloft and wanted to go back to my natural, anxious self. (I also began questioning every feeling I had and analyzing whether or not it was due to the pills. "I feel tired today...is it my medicine? Why am I so angry? Why this, why that," etc.)
So 4 weeks ago, I tapered down my meds once a week, cutting the pills with scissors. I went from 50mg to ~33mg to 25mg to ~13mg. I took ~13mg for a week and then 5 days ago, I stopped taking them altogether. I immediately began having brain zaps (that still haven't gone away), constant light-headedness/vertigo, weird out-of-body feelings, agitation, and FATIGUE. I didn't freak out about them too much, because I knew that those were typical side effects, but I did start having anxiety on day 4 (yesterday) when they didn't seem to be getting better and when I started crying out of nowhere. I'm not kidding, guys, I was walking into work when I suddenly had a weird sensation where my face scrunched up and tears rolled down my face. I NEVER ever ever cry for no reason, and rarely cry at all (no, it wasn't PMS). I was extremely dizzy and on the verge of tears all night, and my heart randomly raced for no reason. I didn't feel depressed or sad or anything (although I was having some anxiety about why I was crying!). I thought it was possibly due to the Tdap (whooping cough/tetanus) shot I got earlier that morning, but I doubt it.
This morning, I woke up terrified that I was going to start crying for no reason. And yup, I did cry a little bit later. And I seriously feel like I'm going crazy, guys. (Not literally, I guess, but I can't control my emotions and I'm dizzy and feel hungover and gross). Because I don't have a doctor, I called my pharmacist on Day 1 of "no more meds," and she said that withdrawal symptoms only last for about 5 days. Well, I'm on Day 5 and I feel terrible still. And now I have crying spells?? What is this! I'm an anxious person who over-analyzes everything, and now I'm wondering if I'm ever going to get better or if I'll be the rare 1% who has symptoms for months. And now I'm freaked out that maybe I suddenly developed depression since I'm tired and crying and agitated and don't feel like being around people all of a sudden.
Does this sound familiar to anyone? I started going to therapy the day I began tapering down my meds, since I know myself and I'm someone who likes having answers all the time (hence why I am on the board now!), but I haven't seen her since the crying started, and I'm not a fan of her at all, so.
Sorry for the long-winded post...I feel so isolated here. :(