Ruining my marriage

Through sickness and in health...

I guess that means different things to different people...but to me it means any illness...mental or physical.

IMO, it is a dual responsibility. Yours to manage your disorder...and hers to stick by you and support you through the tough times.

If you are doing all that you can to get the help that you need, then I believe you have the right to anticipate that she will be there by your side as you gain recovery.

If however, you are using your anxiety as a crutch, and not making attempts to help yourself (and as a result your marriage/relationship) then I could see how it would be hard on a partner.

My husband has type 1 diabetes. He was not diagnosed until after we were married...and of course I didn't even consider leaving!   To me, having an anxiety disorder is no different than a physical disease.

It is different it seems with those of us with mental health issues. It is almost as if the world sees it as something that we are choosing? I mean why else would someone say 'This is just something that you are going to have to figure out on your own'?

I would encourage her to learn about this disorder...that it is very much organic...meaning that we don't have much choice in the chemical make up of our brains...and yes, there are choices that you can make to help yourself and you are doing them.

Keep going to therapy, do your self-help, and keep looking for a good Rx regime if you choose to use meds...show her that you are committed to getting well and to making your marriage work!

You may even ask your therapist if she could attend a session if you think that it would help her to understand...or perhaps get her a book on anxiety...that's what I did for my husband.:)

Best wishes for you and your relationship. Keep postine!

S.C.

Okay...frustrated is fair...I know my spouse has been frustrated with the anxiety I deal with before. However, there is a difference between being frustrated with the disorder...and being frustrated with the person.

Also being frustrated is a huge leap from leaving a marriage. Try not to catastrophize things. You may be seeing things through a filter of anxiety and depression...which is of course a negative filter. Are you maybe seeing things in a different light than she is? To suppose that she couldn't like you because you don't feel good about your self/situation right now is faulty logic.

Try instead to look at the anxiety as an obstacle, seperate from yourself, that you both can fight together! With your work and determination in treatment...and her support, you can work as a team.:)

I know that things are hard right now, but you are on the right track and there is hope!

You are going to get better...you are doing the right things...just keep up the good work, be patient and keep the faith.

Peace and progress,

S.C.

I'd like to make a recommendation for how to work on communication. I was channel hopping and caught the author, Melissa Orlov, on some talk show for all about a few minutes. She's married to someone who has all of the medical initials next to his name for ADHD and he's written a whole bunch of books about ADHD. He is an expert in ADHD and found out later in life he had it. Their marriage fell apart. They resurrected it. The book is written for both people in the relationship.

Her focus and the name of her book is: "The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps".

It is a loving book about how to make a conversation and to make sure each other's points aren't falling on deaf (or passive) ears. If you're in a marriage for life (or would like to be), this is a really good book. It's $20.