Posted 12/9/2012 11:42 PM (GMT 0)
I am really sorry to hear you are going through this. Nothing is worse than wanting support from someone and not finding it. There is something to be said for honesty and trust. Just be open with him, talk to him, tell him exactly what you need from him right now and why. I am not sure I would personally bring up going through his texts, but still, it is important that you express what you need from him. When you do it, make sure you aren't phrasing it in terms of "what he ISN'T giving", but in terms of "what you need". It is important that he doesn't feel attacked. The more he feels like a successful partner the more he is going to want to help. This is all just my personal opinion mind you.
The other bit is it sounds like you are stuck in the "what ifs". Which is terrible. It is what I do. They are always overwhelming and dark. Unfortunately, bad stuff does happen. When we are constantly bracing for it, when something bad happens, we taking it as positive feed back for our feelings of anxiety and ignore all the other times nothing bad happened. When you start thinking "what if", stop yourself and start thinking "how would I cope?". When you start thinking in these terms you realize that when bad stuff does happen, you can deal with it. You can survive. You can go on. I am not saying something bad is going to happen, but even if it did, life is sweet and you will make it through the pain.
Remember, he married you because he loves you. That sort of love runs deep. If he knows what he can do to help, he will. Just be honest. Don't imply or hint at what you need, tell him. And be specific. "When I feel... it would really help me if you..." or "When I am felling... can I ask you to... for me?".