update: dooms day with the roommate

So today is the day, where my husband and i are going to have kick out the roommate and i have been freaking since 5:30 this morning. I wish to God that i could stop stressing about things, i wish that i could stop having panic attacks all the time. It is exhausting to be sitting here, my mind spinning circles. All i want is to be able to sit on my computer and play video games without any stress but that isn't possible. While all this is going in my head, she is sitting in her room going on with her day as if nothing is going on. I want to go wake up my husband and complain to him but that would serve no purpose. So i sit here spinning in circles, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Sometimes i feel like you all are the only ones i can talk to, because even if all i am doing is complaining about how bad things are, you all listen and you dont make me feel like i am being stupid. Thank you for that.
Krystal

I am sure i will be back on later to tell you more.

OKAY UPDATE: Roommate paid over half of what she owed us, so we are letting her stay until jan 1st. (Christmas is a week away, can't be that mean) But the roomates 23 year old son got kicked out. He decided to steal some of food and purposedly waste it by dumping it in the trash. When he was asked why, he told my husband that it was the only way that he could take a stand about the inequalities and bs that was happening in the house. The roommate said that he was upset because we started putting our name on things but she is just as confused as we are as to the whole thing. We told her that she has 3 days to remove his stuff from our house and he not allowed back in period. ( my son gets to get his own room, which he is really excited about)
The little bit of money will help us through dec, paying the bills that were to the point of being or already been turned off and being able to have christmas for my children. I wish she had paid all of it that she owed but to be honest, the amount she paid will help us . I pray for my heart to stop pounding.
Though today was the first day that i was completely honest with my son about the panic attacks. I had a really really bad attack after we found the food in the trash, bad enough that i couldn't even talk and he asked me if i was okay. I let him feel how hard my heart was pounding and tried to the best of my ability to explain about my anxieties.
Overall a okay day, hopefully tomorrow will be better. I get to go christmas shopping tomorrow which previously wasn't going to happen.
Thank you all
Krystal