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Severe anxiety, can't take it any longer.

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Anxiety & Panic Disorders
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Posted 1/2/2013 4:46 PM (GMT 0)
I'm on the verge of ending it all... I have severe anxiety as I mentioned on this forum several times. I'm always in a constant worry, (always) when one worry goes, my brain will find something else to worry about. I now worry about some past mistakes I did as a kid, my brain is making me believe false memories, and also makes me believe that there was a camera in the room and a family member is waiting to broadcast it to everyone and ruin my life, although what I did wasn't bad, (no sex or drugs) just something humiliating.. and I feel guilty, ashamed and embarassed, although this was something that happened 5 years ago and I never worried about it until now... I had anxiety basically all my life, but it started to really get bad these last few years... I was doing fine, until I had gotten really stressed out when I had had an intense argument with my family. After that these thoughts came full force... I wake up every morning scared, and guilt feelings in my stomach. I feel I need to cry because I just know something humiliating or something bad is about to happen...and sometimes I notice myself not thinking about anything, However once I notice it, that's when it comes back, and I'm getting tired of this feeling, its like everyone makes mistakes and forget about them, no one dwells on the "what ifs" like I do. I feel the need to confess all the time, and the only person I confess to is my mother, she understands because she has anxiety but there are times where she do not understand a thing. This is taking over my life, I lost sight of everything (college, career, life). I'm scared to do anything because I feel that I will be humiliated in some way. I'm only 19 and I have no life and no friends(no love life)just a somewhat smothering and toxic family. I isolate myself all the time because I feel. scatee. I fear my (older) siblings and worry about their response to everything I do. That also sucks too. This may sound crazy but I am dealing with a lot mentally and none of my family understands... they mistake this as "Crazy". It hurt because I'm really suffering and they don't understand, I am scheduled to see a therapist and psychiatrist. However, I want to move far away from my family and avoid contact for a while, my family has been mentally abusive in the past and they really don't unde rstand how much it damaged me. I cannot talk with them, without them yelling. Besides all of my background, my anxiety is severe and all I do is think think think all day. The only good thing about this is that it goes away at night, the anxiety starts to calm down around 8:00pm and by 9:00pm I'm anxiety free, even the thoughts and the worries appear to be silly and pathetic... I start to get my sight of life back and think about positive things, I fight my sleep because I dread wking up feeling terrible. I'm scared of meds but may be my only option. I want to turn to God but have been doubtful because of this anxiety. I just need advice on of anxiety or is this something else? am I just a crazy person?

Post Edited (LaurenBojorin) : 1/2/2013 9:53:11 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 1/2/2013 4:50 PM (GMT 0)
I am experiencing something so similiar. much better at night and than in the morning bang so severe again also. I have been trying to find help as my quality of life is horrible and so disrupted. I can not even work a full day. I am supposed to start intensive outpatient therapy Monday...everyday is such a struggle...I feel you...hang in. We can lean on each other. My husband does not understand. I could use a friend.
Posted 1/2/2013 6:30 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Lauren.  You are not "crazy."   You are dealing with some tough stuff -- a combination of anxiety and family issues -- but it all can be resolved and you can lead a long and happy life.  I had very troubling anxiety and I was able to deal with it through (1) a lot of effort on my part, (2) a good psychiatrist, and (3) some medications, which I took for a period of time and am now off of. 

Don't beat yourself up over all this.  It is an illness, not a moral failing.  Treat it like any other illness:  find a good doctor, who you like, talk openly with her or him, be open to trying medications, and commit yourself to making improvements in your quality of life.   Don't expect a miracle cure overnight.  This takes some effort and maybe some time.  But you will feel better.

You can do it.  Many people have overcome anxiety.  I did it, and I am not so strong or smart or special. 

You have a lot to live for.  Hang in there.  Be strong.  Be open to getting help. 

Best wishes, Medved.

 

Posted 1/2/2013 9:29 PM (GMT 0)
Please know that you are not alone in your severe anxiety. This site helps so much in letting us know that others suffer also. I am struggling to get through each day. I have had at least 6 panic attacks today, and am in a constant state of worry and dread. I can't explain it to my husband...he doesn't understand AT ALL and gets extremely frustrated with me.

I start counseling again next Monday, and I hope I get some coping skills because this is a horrible, impossible way to face each day. I have something coming up this weekend that I am dreading so much that I am barely functioning. Best thoughts to all of us!
Posted 1/2/2013 11:17 PM (GMT 0)
Lauren,

I am sorry you are going through such a tough time and I would like to ask you to remember you are never alone as all of us here in the forum have experienced similar feelings to what you are having.

Have you considered finding a therapist and starting with seeing this person a couple of times a week? A therapist will be there just for you and will help you identify why your having such scary feelings!

I am dealing with super tough issues and I hate the anxiety that goes with it so perhaps we can both make an oath to practice methods to decrease our anxiety as we are the master of ourselves.

You are not crazy-you are a person dealing with anxiety.

Kindly,
Kitt
Posted 1/3/2013 2:18 AM (GMT 0)
@LHA112 sounds just what I am going through...right down to my husband not understanding...
Posted 1/3/2013 10:10 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Lauren,

I'm really sorry to hear you're having such a hard time at the moment. Alot of the time my anxiety does the same sort of thing as yours, if I realise im not worrying about something its like my brain flicks through everything that might happen or has happened just to have something to worry about!
it is really frustrating when you worry about past things in your life as you know you can't change them but your mind still won't stop thinking about them!
I think if you've got to the point you have, then you need to go get some help quickly. Both with therapy and medication, and if I were you one of the first things id tell my therapist is that big thing from your past that is eating you up at the moment. Sometimes just telling someone your worse feelings makes you feel a little better!
Hope you feel a bit better soon
Kala :)
Posted 1/3/2013 3:21 PM (GMT 0)
I thank you all for your replies... @GizmoFab It makes me a feel a bit better knowing that I am not alone, and every job I've held I quit after the first few days... I can't work a full day either. It's so frustrating knowing that no one will understand because it hasn't happened to them or is not happening to them. The only person that understands is my mother and great aunt. I probably will never have anyone besides my family in my life because of this disorder and because deep down I feel like a bad person. I'm scared 75% of the time. and it gets worse when I am around my family (except mom). I feel intimidated and hesitant around them. I come to these Anxiety /Ocd forum because this is the only place I know that I can vent too. Hope we can help each other with this disorder.

@medved I have found a therapist and is now on the process of finding a good psychiatrist. However, I appreciate your reply and I know its the anxiety, but I do think I have mild case of paranoia as well, and I believe the paranoia came from my older siblings being mentally abusive (not physically) in the past. They have always said things to me that have stuck with me my whole entire life, hurtful things and they have also humiliated me in front of their friends and other family members and I never defended myself... along with a lot of other stuff. However back to this current problem... as the days go on, the thoughts aren't as strong as they were in the beginning, I even felt a little better this morning when usually I'll be anxious and on the verge of crying. Although the thoughts are calming down, Its still here and I still need help and I know its not the end. Your advice gave me a hope. It just seem so impossible to shake, especially when your obsessing about something that "actually" happened... and what can happen. Thanks for your reply.

@LHA112 PANIC ATTACKS!!!! Those are the monsters that comes with this anxiety crap, I don't have panic attacks too often, but in the beginning of this worry episode which started 6 days ago, I experienced a panic attack, I went to the ER and the ER doctor gave me a valium and I felt relaxed and I slept for most of the day. However, The panic attack made me feel so helpless and all I could do was cry. It was the worst experience ever. Luckily I don't have panic attacks often, but I know they aren't too far because I have anxiety (severely) and those two usually work together. I understand you so much. Your husband won't because it's not happening to him. However, I think he should go to counseling with you, so that he can witness from you and your therapist that what you're going through is REAL. Good luck

@StKitt I am in the process of getting the help I need. AlthoughI fear some medicines because I don't want to rely on it. However I know I have to do, what I have to do because I am tired of feeling this way. Thanks for your reply.

@Kalah26 Its not really so much "What I did" in the past that's bothering me, because I was only 14 or 15, although I knew better. I worry about of someone find out about what will happen, and I know I am blowing the whole thing out of proportion anyway, Im just scared of what my family may say, and Paranoia a camera saw me do what I did, although I know its not true. I confess the whole thing to my mom, she told me that its over, it was 5 years ago and tell me that I'm being pathetic with my add-ons. Anyway, I appreciate your reply and I am glad that you all can relate. Reading you guys replies did help out a lot.

Going to therapist tomorrow... hopefully he can help me. Thanks.

Excuse the grammar errors, I'm actuallt posting via mobile.

Post Edited (LaurenBojorin) : 1/3/2013 8:27:50 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 1/4/2013 5:10 PM (GMT 0)
I am sorry that you are going through a difficult period in your life. I can understand what you are going through, because I have had anxiety issues since 1982, when I experienced my first panic attack. Try to keep in mind, that you are going through a difficult time and this difficult time will pass. The key thing to keep in your mind is that it will pass and you will have better days.
Posted 1/6/2013 6:59 PM (GMT 0)
Just checking in to see how your doing?
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