My child is having extreme school anxiety, what can I do?

For those of you who remember me I was diagnosed with panic disorder about 14 years ago. I've been doing pretty well and I haven't visited in awhile. My 9 year old is now having major anxiety issues. She had a full blown panic attack the last day of school before vacation. She's been seeing the school psychologist and she is now also seeing a clinical social worker who specializes in cognitive therapy. It was been a long difficult year. Yesterday, the first day back from vacation, she actually did really well and had a great day! Today she seemed in fine spirits and was smiling when I dropped her off at school, but somewhere along the way she started worrying and making herself feel sick. She went to the school counselor's office, as is her plan when she feels the need. The counselor couldn't calm her down and my daughter kept insisting she was feeling like she was going to throw up. Rotovirus is actually going around the area so I wasn't sure how to handle it. I ended up telling her to go to the nurse and see how she felt after a little while. She told the counselor she threw up when she went into the bathroom and she told the nurse she did again. The nurse looked in the toilet and it was liquid soap! She wanted to leave school so badly she faked throwing up. Anyways, the school called and just suggested that I might want to consider homeschooling her temporarily, which seems like a really bad idea. Also I work during the day and will probably lose my job if I take an extended leave. My boss has been really flexible and understanding about me taking time off, but I am the only one that does what I do and I'd have to be replaced if I was gone for an extended period of time. They also once again suggested meds. I really am uncomfortable medicating a 9 yr old with antianxiety meds as they haven't been tested on children. Any thoughts or helpful hints? I am going to end up back in therapy and on meds myself at this rate! I know the school is trying to help me but I also feel like they are expecting improvements at an unrealistic rate. Anyone have experience with kids and anxiety? Thanks for reading!

This is a tough situation, and it's hard for me to know what to suggest. I'm so sorry you and your daughter are going through this right now.

What I think is incredibly important is figuring out the cause of the school anxiety. Sometimes it can happen when a child or adolescent fears being bullied; do you know if this has been an issue? When I was around 13, I would get school anxiety because I feared being picked on. That went away when I outgrew my "awkward" phase, but it was incredibly hard for me.

I agree that 9 seems a little young for medication. Homeschooling does seem drastic. Do you know if you could work from home if you needed to? Or, is there anyone you could hire to homeschool your daughter while you are at work if that became necessary?

I'll keep thinking about this--this is all I can think of at the moment.

I hope your daughter starts feeling better.

Hugs,

Av

I was seven when I started antidepressants. They help, but I wish that I wasn't on meds now. Maybe she's getting bullied, or worries she's getting bullied? If the teacher's aware, and I imagine he/she is, maybe he/she could watch the class extra carefully?
Homeschooling seems a drastic solution.
I'm so sorry that you and your daughter are going through this.

Hi Paniccu -- There are therapists who have specialized expertise in kids and anxiety. If you are in a small town or a rural area, it might not be easy to find such a person, but if you are in, or near, a metropolitan area, you probaby can find someone with this particular expertise. You could inquire with the school's guidance counsellor, or a local children's hospital, or your pediatrician, or any well-regarded local psychiatrist to get a recommendation. That would seem to be a reasonable step to take. Best wishes to you and to your daughter. Medved

Would it be possible to have her change to a different classroom that has a different teacher? I'm not sure how you would phrase this to the school administration, but you don't have to implicate the teacher--you could say something like she has been classically conditioned to associate the particular classroom she is in with anxiety. (Ironically, I'm a psych major--just let me know if you want me to explain classical conditioning.)

Another option is speaking to the teacher herself, but that might make the teacher defensive. What is your opinion of this teacher?

Of course, there's the chance that switching classrooms/teachers would make her more anxious. It's hard to know what to do.

I haven't heard of PANDAS. I googled it and it seems to be more about OCD issues. Has this been a problem with her?

Anyways, best of luck. Let us know if there's anything we can do to support you or her more during this difficult time.

Hugs,

Av

Paniccu, unless your friend is a psychiatrist or a neurologist, I would not pay much attention to his/her speculation about the cause of your daughter's anxiety. I would rely on expert advice rather than uninformed speculation. Best wishes, Medved

When my brother was about that age he had the same problem...only he really would get sick when it was time to go to school. After investigation, it turned out he had a not-too-bright math teacher that was making the children write out the multiplication tables for an hour every day. This was in 3rd grade and they had all learned to multiply in the 2ond grade. I believe that the teacher was replaced by one bright enough to actually teach.
All that was just to say -- it can be a simple thing once you figure it out -- it's the figuring it out that's the hard part. Doesn't have to be some horrid disease or condition or experience...keep your eyes & ears open and best wishes!