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Am I going crazy?

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Posted 2/7/2013 9:55 AM (GMT 0)
Ever since I have been young I've always worried what people think about me and I want to be liked by everyone.

I'm currently on Anti depressants as I'm constantly worrying about something. I go for a long time feeling great then go on a night out and get drunk. I remember most of the nights even though lots are very hazy and then coming home, but I worry about what I said or did when I was out.

I go totally out of my mind up to 7 days later try to figure out why I did analysing every part of the night, but I worry I have said something so bad that it could break up my relationship with my wife or something bad is going to happen to me. Even though I'm told everything was fine we had a great night and we all just got wasted, I think they're keeping something from me to not hurt my feelings. I make scenarios of what I might have said up in my head, then add on the end of it, "promise you won't say anything" or "let me know what I've said tomorrow cause I might not remember telling you" it's driving me mad.

I can even imagine having Sex with a stranger but I know that wouldn't happen cause i love my wife to bits but it scares me to death.

I'm a very lively character and some people may say a bit camp, so if I'm out and some random person out calls me gay, I worry if I've actually told people I am gay. (But I'm not)

I know I need to cut drinking out completely, but I tell people I'm not drinking and they say aww come on, one won't hurt you. But it never is just the one is it, before I know it 4 weeks later I'm confident with the booze and have another bender. Back to square one.

Am I going crazy or is this my OCD/anxiety playing with my mind?
Posted 2/7/2013 6:07 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Loopydo,

Welcome! I am glad that you found us, though sorry that you are struggling with this issue at the moment.

If I may ask, have you been diagnosed with OCD? I ask because the thought patterns that you described sound very familiar to the disorder.

As you probably know, OCD is in the anxiety spectrum, so whenever stress levels are up...then the OCD characteristics are going to be more pronounced.

It sounds as if for you, alcohol is a trigger, so you are wise to avoid over indulging in the future. This will hopefully reduce the intrusive thoughts that bother you afterward.

The good news is that anxiety and OCD are treatable. Have you sought any type of help, either in the form of medication or therapy? Both are excellent options for management of these issues.

We also have a great Resource Guide here (main page, 1st post) that is full of great self-help ideas...you should check it out!

Keep posting here with us as well. We are a supportive group who understands and cares.:)

Talk to you soon,

Scaredy Cat
Posted 2/7/2013 8:05 PM (GMT 0)
you are absolutely not crazy.... never think that!
Posted 2/7/2013 9:33 PM (GMT 0)
Hi scaredy cat,

I've only been diagnosed with GAD from the docs, this was 3 month back, I have read about OCD and I do think I may have this also. I'm currently on 50mg of sertraline, which is medication for anxiety and OCD and they have been working a treat currently into my 3rd month and I've never felt better in my life.

I do think the drink is the main source of the problem, I can be totally out of it or days after (up to a week) before feeling better.

I do think I may have underlining OCD, a small example is I can write an email and re-read it over and over again before pressing send, this is just a small part of my issue.

But it's the intrusive, disturbing thoughts that are crippling, I do seem to feel better this evening and feel back to normal again. But I just know if I touch any beer again I'm a gonner. Everyone I know are big drinkers and always expect me to drink and I love a drink, I just hate it when I'm feeling crappy for days after, I can't function at all.
Posted 2/7/2013 10:03 PM (GMT 0)
I have a question...

If drinking/getting wasted causes you so much anxiety and stress, why do it?

You can still go out and have fun without drinking.

And if you want to drink, try just having one or two throughout the night.

That way you're fully in control of everything you say and do, and you don't have to worry about the horrible after effects.
Posted 2/8/2013 5:56 AM (GMT 0)
You can count on one thing for sure, if you are prone to anxiety and OCD drinking will make them much worse, "my personal experience". I am 70 now and for more than half my life I was the life of the party people invited me because I was so up beat and fun. Maybe, why did it take me being drunk to really have so much fun? Looking back I think I was always invited because I made everyone look normal,
civilized, a lot of other words would fit here also. Long story short, many of the symptoms you describe were the same as me, I hid the fact that I was worried but I was terrified that I had said or done something really bad, had the same fears of offending a woman that you have because when I was drunk I know I was capable of such. However the 5 day hangovers and feelings of dread, depression made me take another look at a possible problem, later I found out I was borderline Diabetic, in a few more years I was a type 11 non insulin dependent diabetic. When one is even borderline getting drunk can cause severe feeling of depression, dread, anxiety, and also I would put all these crappy feelings on a short mental film loop and play them nonstop, I never got better until days later when by body recovered from my stupidity.
So you are not alone, you know what you need to do, no real friend would coheres one to drink when it was hurting their health.
Peace Larry
Posted 2/8/2013 5:24 PM (GMT 0)
Larry brings up an excellent point (again, welcome Larry!)

If your friends are putting on the pressure, or trying to buy you drinks you can always say that you are cutting back, due to your new 'health kick'.

Keeping it light and vague should help avoid any awkward questions. You can simply say 'It's time to start taking better care of the machine!' and laugh.

No one can really argue with that.:)

Best wishes!

S.C.
Posted 2/11/2013 3:49 AM (GMT 0)
Hi sorrg to here about ur life struggles at the moment with anxiety/ocd just remember you are not alone we all here have suffered from the same in some way just a quick question how long did it take being on 50mg sterline to acturally work i feel ive had so many meds and none seem to work
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