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Friend has my anxiety skyrocketing

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Posted 2/20/2013 9:39 PM (GMT 0)
I joined these boards just now because you all seem like a really great bunch! Plus, I need to get something off my chest and figure out how to deal with it. My anxiety has me so wound up, it's not even funny.

I have an internet best friend. We talk constantly and have been support systems for each other. Well, a few days ago, she starts telling me that she's been angry and upset about something. I probe about it because she's being cryptic about the whole thing.

She finally says she thinks she's in love with someone she can't have because this person is already taken. She keeps talking on and on about what she feels for this person. I ask her who it is, but she won't tell me. She avoids the question completely.

This strikes me as really odd, because it sounds like me. In fact, everything she said points to me. I'm taken, she's never told me anything about this love interest until now, and she avoids any question I ask about it.

So, yeah, I'm almost positive it's me. My first instinct is to hit the panic button and block her on every website and return to my little bubble and pretend none of this ever happened. What do I do?!
Posted 2/20/2013 9:56 PM (GMT 0)
Hi anon and welcome.

When I am dealing with a problem that is causing me anxiety, it is often helpful for me to ask myself key questions to help unravel the jumble of emotions and feelings that I am facing.

Some questions that you might ask yourself:

*If it is indeed me, how will this affect our relationship...will we be able to remain friends...or is this a deal breaker...will it threaten my partner, ect...

*Am I anxious because this is a hidden relationship, one that my partner does not know about, or one that I have inadvertantly encouraged? (not making judgements here...just throwing out possible ideas)

*Do I feel subconsciously guilty for not being available, or for causing my friend pain?

*Am I subconsciously angry for being put in this awkward situation by my friend?

Again, these are just ideas and questions that I would maybe ask myself if I was in the same situation...they may or may not apply to you...and you can come up with your own questions.

There is a chance that it has nothing to do with you...do you have common friends for example? She may be acting in a coy manner for that reason...she does not want anyone to find out through the grapevine, so to speak.

Anyway, I hope that you can get your feelings sorted out, and do what is best for you, your current realtionship and your friend.

Post with us anytime and let us know how it works out if would like to.

Best wishes,

Scaredy Cat
Posted 2/20/2013 11:17 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you for replying!
I am mostly anxious because the friendship is hidden. That aspect makes me feel terrible as well. I don't feel guilty or angry, no. And all of her friends are single so, like I said, it basically leaves me and only me.
I'm honestly considering just severing ties. I feel like that would be harsh and wrong, but it would relieve the stress a great deal.
Posted 2/21/2013 12:29 AM (GMT 0)
Sometimes the right things are the hardest things to do...
However if it is in the best interest of your current realtionship, and you want to see that through, then the loss of a friendship could be the cost.
I remember that when I got married, my husband was uncomfortable with a couple of my guy friends. Admittedly, the lines of 'friendship only' had been (in the past) a little grey...
In the end, I let the relationships go, and almost 18 years later, I have NO regrets.
I don't know it this helps or not...just my experience and something to think about maybe.smile

S.C.
Posted 2/22/2013 5:15 AM (GMT 0)
Just my 0.2 cents from a mans standpoint.
If the lady is talking about you its absurd to fall in love on the internet, and as a married man you dont need this.
If she is refeering to you, it will intefeer with your current relationship and you cant prevent it.
I know you don't want to hurt this person, but you sure as hell dont want to hurt your Wife.
Good Luck
Larry
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