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Having a really rough time, at my lowest.

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Posted 2/28/2013 8:08 PM (GMT 0)
Hello, I'm new here but am currently struggling quite badly with anxiety/depression and hope I can find some support here.
I'm 20 yrs old, moved out of home, to a new city 6 months ago to live with my brother and his gf to look for work after being recently made redundant from my job. I found a really great job quickly which was positive however with the good comes bad and there's been plenty of that. I was extremely ill with a kidney infection early January, resulting in 4 hospitals admissions and a lot of sick leave from work. After I was given the all clear re: my kidneys I was diagnosed with gallstones and have been in varying amounts pain and discomfort for the last 2 weeks (plus another trip to the er). I also had to move house as my brother and his gf split, so I could no longer live there. I've suffered from depression, anxiety, and OCD from an early age. I was prescribed antidepressants for a number of years and stopped taking them late 2011 on doctors advice following CBT. I'd had it all under control with some bad days like we all get but the stress and instability of the last few months, along with my health issues has triggered one of my lowest times. I'm having frequent panic attacks, and exhibiting all physical signs of anxiety (tense, irritable, insomnia, fatigue, shakes, palpations), my mood is very low, I'm very emotional, constantly crying. I have no appetite, and feel as if I'm just going through the motions. I'm also suffering frequent bouts of derealisation which is very unsettling. My anxiety about my health is extremely high, I fear there's something really wrong with me even though many tests have proven otherwise. I have support from my family but find it very difficult to articulate how I'm feeling, and worry they think I'm being overdramatic. I'm just sick of being in pain, feeling unwell, and also feeling like I'm going mad and losing the plot. I just feel as if things are falling apart at the moment and I'm really struggling to hold it together. I've seen my doctor numerous times but I don't feel like I'm getting the help I need. I feel as if I'm 20 going on 70 and I should be enjoying life but I'm unwell in body and mind, and it's very difficult to cope. I'd really appreciate some support/advice, thank you.
Posted 2/28/2013 10:26 PM (GMT 0)
hey beammi
im suffering with a similiar situation i am suffering with health anxiety after a viral infection that left me with costochondritis. i became convinced i had a heart problem and am suffering major anxiety now and having terrible palpitations which are convincing me even more its my heart ... but heres one though i will share that helps me feel better .. i am young like you 23, and serious health problems you are either born with or develop them in later life .. i know its not impossible but to become seriously ill in your 20s with no previous major health problems is extreamly unlikely. and if you have had recent doctors checks you must try to trust in these ..i just got my echo back clear and i still think i am going to drop dead when i have a palpitatio. but having my echo come back cleari can tell myself i don't have a heart problem and i feel better. but i can't seem to control the anxiety that follows after the palpitations .
i am with you with the derealisation its horrible feeling that someone without anxiety simply can't understand but i have learned with this although its one of the worst symptom it also is the first to fade for eg. i only have anxiety if im having palpitations and if im lucky and had a couple of days without palpitations and havent been anxious i dont feel the derealisation so have faith remind yourself that you are in control whenever you have symptoms talk to yourself in your head tell yourself it is anxiety and if you relax you will feel better.. say this over and find a distraction.
there is lots of support and links to useful information on this site to help
i hope you feel better soon
xx
Posted 3/1/2013 5:07 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Beammi and welcome.

I am very sorry to hear of your recent anxiety and the returning symptoms.

It is always discouraging to have a relapse/setback...but it happens to everyone.

The good news is that you have faced this situation before and were victorious over it then, and you can be again!

Keep practicing the things that you learned in CBT. If you have your old notes/books, take them out and go over them. If not, we have some CBT worsheet downloads in our Resource Guide (main page, 1st post) along with other great self-help ideas.

Keep posting with us as well. Having the support of friends that understand is very healing...and we are all here to listen and support each other here! :)

Glad you joined us, and talk to you soon,

Scaredy Cat
Posted 3/1/2013 5:13 AM (GMT 0)
Ok, all of us suffer much the same symptoms, but I want to assure both of you about something.

I was dianosed with heart desease at age 35, started having panic/anxity at age 48, tripple bypass at age 58

I am 71 next month, I am much better with my panic/anxity now but for first 15 years I went through hell,we did not have the good meds we have now. My point is this if anxity would kill I would have died many times over, I have had it driving, sleeping, working, flying, in board meetings, at church, what you are feeling will not kill you, I promise.

Get on something that works for you and get in therapy group is best and cheepest, you will get better, I have a saying, I am only going to die once, I refuse to do it every day. God Bless all of You!

Posted 3/1/2013 5:33 AM (GMT 0)
That is a very good saying indeed!

S.C.


p.s. got your e-mail...will respond when I can...but for now, know that you can post your story anytime! I am sure that others will be blessed by it.
Posted 3/2/2013 1:19 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you all for your replies, it's really comforting to know I'm not alone in this. It's an uphill battle, and I've been through this before and recovered so I know it is possible, it's just really difficult to convince myself that things will get better, and if there was something seriously medically wrong with me it would have been discovered by now. I just want some sense of normalcy back (whatever that is), I'm exhausted from feeling like I might lose control at any moment, and always thinking and expecting the worse. The bad days are outweighing the good at the moment. My favourite word has always been 'Tomorrow' because no matter what there will always be tomorrow, I'm just struggling to have that positive outlook when today is so tough.
Thank you again, this feels like a very welcoming, safe and helpful community :)
Posted 3/2/2013 2:58 PM (GMT 0)
No you are never alone in feeling the way that the anxiety is making you feel...you can always post here with us and receive lots of good undertanding, support and encouragement!

S.C.
Posted 3/3/2013 1:56 AM (GMT 0)
I so can understand and feel exactly the way you do. I recovered 11 years ago and am two months into a relapse. It is the worst feeling and I just want so badly to get better. Your not alone.
Posted 3/3/2013 4:13 AM (GMT 0)

lgm1942 said...
Ok, all of us suffer much the same symptoms, but I want to assure both of you about something.I was dianosed with heart desease at age 35, started having panic/anxity at age 48, tripple bypass at age 58
I am 71 next month, I am much better with my panic/anxity now but for first 15 years I went through hell,we did not have the good meds we have now. My point is this if anxity would kill I would have died many times over, I have had it driving, sleeping, working, flying, in board meetings, at church, what you are feeling will not kill you, I promise.
Get on something that works for you and get in therapy group is best and cheepest, you will get better, I have a saying, I am only going to die once, I refuse to do it every day. God Bless all of You!

Thank you so much for this!! I love the part where you say you would have died many times over. I am not happy that you've suffered but I am happy that you've survived are now sharing it with others. This crazy thing sends your mind to dark places!!
Posted 3/3/2013 4:22 AM (GMT 0)
I'm experiencing this for the first time at 27. The most scariest thing ever to feel like your on he edge of life and death and to really be nowhere even close.

Our bodies playing tricks on us. Mind over matter. Easier said then done. I'm trying to recover without meds and everyday is a new challenge I was on the right track and then bam another attack!!

Today's challenge: remembering to breath!


Doh! The easiest thing to do now made difficult because I'm fearing something. Just think today is one day closer to the day it's over. Just think when your in the clear how much you'll appreciate life.

Keep your head and realize your not alone.

Look up breathing techniques on YouTube they have some great meditating videos.

Feel better!!
Posted 3/3/2013 6:21 AM (GMT 0)
I am experiencing the same thing as well! Yet again, you are not alone. The derealization is one of the worst symptoms to me. It scares me like no other. But as I'm sure you are aware, it passes and has never hurt us. :) Keep using your CBT techniques and deep breathing to stimulate your parasympathetic nervous system and use positive self talk! You will overcome this... just try to be patient and best of luck.
Posted 3/3/2013 11:29 AM (GMT 0)
It's really comforting to hear from other people in similar situations, it makes me feel a little less crazy. My head feels completely clouded at the moment, as if its stuck in a fog. I'm struggling to sleep, waking up every hour and jumping at small noises. I had a really rough day yesterday, I'd planned to go shopping but couldn't get the energy to move from bed, ended up staying there til 5pm crying. Eventually I got out and went out with my sister which was nice but I had a panic attack on the bus home. I used to relish my own company but now I can't stand to be alone. I'm seeing my doctor on Monday, I feel like he may put me on meds again which I'd prefer not to do but I feel like its a last resort, I can't feel like this any longer. My mum has been researching herbal supplements for anxiety, has anyone had any experiences with that? Thanks :)
Posted 3/3/2013 6:56 PM (GMT 0)
Hello all :)
I read these posts and 1 thing sticks out that seems to bother me and I just couldn't stop thinking about it... WHY are so many people in this world against taking medication to relieve them from whatever ailes them??? " I'm trying to recover without meds". Why torture yourself I wonder? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying those people's feelings are incorrect, I just wish more people would be open and not so skeptical when it comes to trying and taking medications that their only purpose is to HELP.
I'm a 14 year severe anxiety disorder patient and once the side effects just about debilitated me, I was begging for any relief I could get!! Whether it was a pill or therapy! I begged my general practitioner at the time to just put me to sleep so my brain and body could get the break it deserved! Subsequently, she sent me straight to a psychiatrist... lols!
I just FEEL many a people would suffer a lot less in life if they weren't so against medication. The excuses I hear make me think sometimes people must like and want their debilitating side effects because these meds have been created, studied and millions of dollars have been put into medications for help with chemical imbalances in humans and we should take advantage!
I'm sure many of you have seen that PaxilCR commercial- the one that says there's a class action lawsuit for patients that have taken Paxcil during a certain timeframe? PaxilCR saved my life, well it saved me from living in a mental ward, let's just say that. I've taken it for years and years and weaned off of it and had a child and then after breast feeding, it was the 1st thing I asked my doc for! There's are MANY drugs out there that will and can change you which will then change your life. If you've had a negative experience and this is why you feel you'd rather try recovery without medication, be patient! It can take a few months to a few years to find the medication that works best for you with minimal side effects.
Now that my anxiety has been under control, it's easy for me to look back and realize that I've suffered from some form of anxiety since I was a 6-8year old child. As a young adult, I ALLOWED myself to suffer with severe side effects until they became unmangeable and interrupted my daily life. I now council young adults on anxiety, depression, addiction and coping skills. I didn't go to school for this, I don't get paid for this, it's something that I feel is a direct relation within myself and many other suffering people and I just want to say: be open to medication combined with therapy!!! It's the BEST form of treatment and has been proven over 60 years to be the longest- best end resulting combination for ANY mental and emotional situation that affects your daily life.
Good luck to ALL and I hope very soon that everyone can find their deserved place with peace and contentment :)
Posted 3/3/2013 10:48 PM (GMT 0)
I have started a routine that seems to be helping me:

In the morning after my hubs goes to work I give the 2 kids my iPhone and they each play for 15 min. During that half an hour I read my bible and I write in my journal.

Then some time in the afternoon I drink a tea called "tension tamer" it helps to relax

In the evening at 6pm I do the same thing with the kids and the writing but I have a cup of organic "sleepy time" tea this one does wonders to help you relax! I get drowsy right away. I still stay up and have another cup of the tea @ 9pm.

I try to be in bed by 930 to do some deep breathing and I fall asleep no problem. And with the exception of my baby crawling into bed in the middle of the night ill get a full nights rest.

The whole reason I don't want to take meds is because I was perfectly fine before. Was i an anxious person sometimes? Sure, but I felt I handled life pretty well. When this happened last week it turned my life upside down. I had pushed myself to my limits and had a breakdown.

Personally, I feel like if I don't deal with the symptoms of this then I won't be able to catch it in the future. Drugs just mask the symptoms. If my body is trying to tell me to slow down then I need to listen to it.

If your long time sufferer then there is a major difference. I understand the prison this thing causes. It paralyzes you in fear and you just itch to jump out of your own skin. For now deep breathing, god, and good friends is doing trick.
Posted 3/4/2013 3:17 AM (GMT 0)
cool  What it comes down to is finding what treatment is within your comfort level...and what works for you as an individual.

I say that you are both right...and both have very good pointls to make!

Thanks for your input ladies! turn


S.C.

Posted 3/4/2013 4:38 AM (GMT 0)
I have noticed some things that we have in common, palps, being able to hear heart beet in ears, feel it in ribbs, checking pulse, checking it again, walking the floor, fear of breathing too much or not enough, pain in chest, under arm, left breast, "why don't I ever hurt on the right side", being light sentative, over processing something to a point of exhustion.
I have had a heart attack, if you can touch where you hurt its something else, breathing if you fail to breath right and pass out your nervous system will take over and regulate your breathing. You will not die.
Triggers and remember we are not always aware of what triggers the panic but fear of losing control especially in a croud, dwelling on a symptom can cause the process, I have learned to get up and go to the sink and get a cold glass of water, take several drinks, see I did this in the middle of an attack I didnt die, tell yourself see I can do this I am not a looser I am going to win, and you ultimately will.
I wish I could take all of the anxity in the world upon myself and free everyong, why would I do this well everyone who has had an attack already knows, I cant make this happen but we all toghther can rescue each other. We have got work to do and I want to help everyone, lets get to work, we can always pray for each other, If God brought us to this point in our lives He certainely will take us beyond.
Love Larry
Posted 3/4/2013 7:07 PM (GMT 0)
Hi, just a check in. My doctor prescribed me 20mg of Citalopram, which is a lower dosage of a medication I was on before. I'm quite anxious because last time I had a rough time with side effects when I first started taking them, but I know they work in the long run so that's all I'm trying to think about. She's also referred me for assessment with a therapist but that won't be for a few weeks, so I'm going to wait and see how I feel after being back on the meds for a while. The CBT I had before dealt more with social anxiety so it would be nice to get some help for my other issues too. I feel quite positive though, I just hope things get better quickly but we all know its not as easy as that!
Kind thoughts,
Beth.
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