please help! meds related

hey.. this is my first post here. i'm a 27 year old chick who suffers from anxiety and panic disorder, among other things. i was never depressed until i went on effexor and suddenly i was - i think that's where it came from but maybe it would've come anyway. i'm also borderline personality disorder, though not "diagnosed" officially because that doesn't need to be "official" and stick with me. my psych and therapist both agree that at the minimum, i have bpd tendencies. i also am an addict! cool! but sober coming up on 2 years now.

so to get to the fun stuff - i tried effexor first, and it was hell for me. then i switched to prozac, which worked for my mom for 15 years. it worked at higher doses than i can handle - 30 and 40mg gave me night terrors, and 20mg made sex painful. i'm in a long term committed relationship so that just wasnt something i wanted to give up, even though my bf is extremely understanding. i'm on 10mg now, which really doesn't do anything. i also take lamictal, but not for a mood stabilizer really. a diff psych than my current (who specializes in addiction) put me on it and at 75-100mg, i was falling asleep throughout the day. almost in a narcoleptic way. i struggled with my commute to and from work, everything. so i went off of it, only to find that it does in fact help with my anxiety. so i take 50mg every night. however, i'm constantly fatigued still. on weekends, i'll sleep 10-12 hrs and still take a nap because i literally cannot stay awake. i also am convinced it gives me killer migraines. i never had them before i started taking it almost 2 years ago, and now they last for days at a time and nothing eases the pain. they're becoming more and more frequent, too. so i need to get off of it.

i had an appt with my psych tonight and told him i can't handle the lamictal anymore, and i'm having obsessive irrational thoughts that give me horrible anxiety. i have xanax prn but these days i get a different generic manufacturer's pills every refill and it's hit or miss if they work well. sometimes i'm fine and dandy but other times, remember that fatigue? yeah, doesn't always work. so he decides he wants to put me on abilify. a very low dose, starting at 1mg for a week then going to 2. and stopping the lam, in a few months trying to stop pro. he gave me a discount card for a 30 day trial than financial assistance after that. welp, i get to the pharmacist only to find out that that card had to be activated by the last day of 2012 even though it doesnt expire until summer 2014. i'm going to call the company tomorrow to find out what assistance they can offer me but i can't afford to pay hundreds of dollars a month for a prescription,even if it is a miracle drug.

i have insurance, but it's an indemnity plan and only covers a handful of prescriptions a year so i use it where i really need it - but even with it the cost (sans the discount card) was $685. yeah i don't think so. i know i shouldn't panic until tomorrow when i see what happens when i call but if this one doesn't pan out i don't know where to go from here. after the first free 30 day trial, i think the max they'll discount the price is $150 anyway, so 150 off of 685 still isn't going to help me any.

effexor scared me so badly and put me in a worse position than i started in. prozac isn't working at 10 mg and a higher dose gives me side effects i can't handle. yeah, i've only tried a few, but i'm scared to try others. i don't even know what to think about taking that will really help my anxiety but not give me side effects i can't deal with. i'm getting into a dark place again. my motivation is shot. i'm anxious like whoa. things aren't where they were at the worst but they are bad. i read or hear about how this medication or that one helped people so much, they felt like they had a life again, blah blah blah.. why can't i have that? i just want to feel better. i don't want to wake up with anxiety every morning. i don't want to be so exhausted i do nothing that i don't HAVE to do. does anyone have any suggestions? thanks in advance...

thanks for your response. i've been in and out of therapy for the last 8 years and currently only see my psych, who isn't the type to just spend 5 mins with a prescription pad, but most of the focus lately has been on my relationship since my boyfriend has been coming with me. i did reach out to my therapist of 2 years who i stopped seeing in october and have been speaking with her. i'm going to look around at the links you mentioned and see what i can come up with. right now, i'm waiting to hear from my dr with hopefully a different and less expensive option, because the discount available to me of $150 still would make it over $500! who has that kind of money to spend on a rx?!

Lexapro was his next choice. Well actually, no. Risperdal was and I said I won't take it. Not for anxiety. I've seen that drug make someone very close to me double their body weight and I'm not willing to risk that. So I said, "do you think any of the normal anti anxiety meds would help me? I don't know, lexapro, or even one of the tricyclics?" And he said he thinks we should try lexapro. He doesn't usually follow my lead like that, I've asked to add Wellbutrin a few times and he doesn't think I should.

So, lexapro. Maybe this one will work.

Esyla,

Welcome to Healing WEll and I am so glad you foound us.  It does seem like you have struggled with tth medications as well as had several providers involved in prescribed.

Here is a 100% legimate discount card that we have been posting here for you years and you can check out the company before you use the card.:

http://www.needymeds.org/index.htm

Perhaps it is time to even consider a new Dr. - one that will scrp all the meds you are on and start fresh.  Good luck.

Kitt

 

Vicky I feel you. My dr is an addiction specialist who monitors my Xanax use very carefully. I'm quite sure I do have done dependence on it but I'm ok with that since its all that helps me. I've been on it 5 yrs and don't need to increase my dose ever so that's a good sign.

I worry that like you, I'm just not going to have success with anything! But I have to try when I feel strong enough, bc sometimes I absolutely couldn't handle changing my meds. I hope you're able to find something that works for you, whether rx or therapy.


Lexapro wise- I took it last night and laid around most of today. One job was cancelled for the threat of snow so I only went to my other job at 6pm. Whether it only started to hit me then, or it's just from being up and about, I felt lightheaded and my arms feel heavy. Trying to stay calm. Very glad I only had 5 hrs of work today rather than 10. I have a headache too but that could be left from my meds I just stopped or just a headache. Gotta figure this out. But this time it doesn't feel near as severe as my headaches usually are, thank god!

Oh, I will def look at that link for the discount card! (On my phone right now) thank you :)

Reminder:

Advice on medication is just one individuals' experience. What works for one person, may not for another.

At HW, we urge everyone to always consult their doctor, and make an informed decision with their medical care professional.

It is also important to always follow your prescribing doctor's advice regarding when, what dose, ect., for your Rx. Self weaning or upping of dosages is never advised.

S.C.