My mom makes me want to kill myself

I'm home this easter (I've lived on my own for two years and I just come some days on vacation), and it's the SAME TORTURE WITH MY MOM.! No, it's worse! I've been working while I'm not here to be quiet, to try to analize things and respond quietly, NOT TO YELL! But being at home this is mission impossible.

I've always had problems with anxiety, it got worse when I was in university, I took pills, I went to see some doctors, psychologists, sometimes I think things I can't avoid, so trying to stay quiet is very important for me. If someone is yelling, or making a stor in a glass of water, just like my mom, I get upset, my hands start shaking, my breathing quickens and I feel the need to run, yell to everyone or to punch someone. It's really hard for me. This two years out of my house have been really helpful. I still have problems when I have to respond something when I'm talking to someone face to face without getting anxious but I've been improving. Even when I was on Facebook talking to some friend, and we started a "discussion" or some like we don't share, and the discussion started to be more "agressive", I felt the same things, it was really hard to keep talking because I couldn't control myself or think rationally.

And at home is the same, when I feel someone is not listen and keeps yelling I feel like I'm going to explote, I feel something in my stomach and I just want to go and lock in my room.

And with my mom this get worse... She doesn't like to be happy, she really doesn't. She always finds something and she makes a storm about it. yesterday my two sisters and I went to visit my grandparents, she didn't go because she needed to be "quiet and alone". Well, when we came back, my nephew started coughing a lot! And my mom started nagging about it: oh my God, he's SO sick! You should take him to the doctor! no... You shouldn't have gone yestreday to visit your grandpas and yyou should have taken to the hospital with the money of the gas! My sister was like: mom, I'm taking him today. "NO! This kid is SO sick! Oh My God! Poor boy ! I can't see him anymore! I'm going to die!!", -by the way she has like all my life about to die-.

It's a mental nightmare, it really is. She doesn't like talking, if she doesn't yell, nags, or make a big storm that last for entire months! she's not satisfied. And when you ask for peace, she again is going to die because noone cares how she feels! it's frustrating!!!

Hi bondgirl and welcome.

Family dynamics can be very difficult to deal with. I am sorry that your visit home was not the pleasant experience that you had hoped for.

It is a tough situation because you cannot just stay away indefinitely...but you will want to limit the time spent at your mon's most likely...and come up with coping skills to deal with your emotions and anxiety while there.

Do you have some favorite ways of de-stressing that help you? Perhaps a breathing/relaxation exercise, or other coping skill that you can rely on at this time?

If you need some ideas, we have some great self-help suggestions in our Resource Guided here on our main page (1st post)

We often can't change our situations...and we certainly can't change others...we can only change our own reactions to these.

Using your postitive thoughts, and dealing with your anxiety constructively will help you get through the situation with the least amount of angst!

I hope that the rest of your visit goes better. Keep posting with us for support if you find it helpful.:)

Scaredy Cat

Hi, bondgirl. I just joined this website a few minutes ago and I already relate to someone: you. I have the same annoying problem with my aunt. First I want to ask how old are you, if you don't mind sharing. I'm 19 but have experienced life like a 30 yr old! Anywho, my aunt is what I call "extra". Everything she talks about, sees, hears, smells, tastes, etc; she has to let the Rocky Mountains know about it. She is like the biggest gossiper I know and she doesn't know what inside voice means. I like to think of myself as a bit conservative. She is Como se dice (how do you say) ghetto. She is just like your mom (not calling your mom ghetto). I can't stand being around her sometimes and conversation is a no-no.For example, on Wednesday nights she watches wrestling until late hours at night. She screams to the top of her lungs as if someone is killing her, waking up my little cousin and when confronted, tosses her head high and proclaims to be her aunt and can do what she pleases. She basically has no regard for any other human beings besides herself and insists on treating people like crap. But when she pushes people away, she mopes and cries how no one loves her. She causes me to have an anxiety attack almost 95% of the time from me being fed up and trying to respect her and not freak out. It is very hard to not lash out at someone like you mom or my aunt because they are our elders. My boyfriend has helped me alot with the stress and anxiety because I was just like you with the shaking and not being able to control myself. At one point I literally destroyed things such as dinnerware and trinkets trying to relieve my anger. He has been my escape from her and other craziness as well. My advice is to find someone who genuinely shares and cares for your interests and problems, someone who is unbiased opinion with you and your mom and talk about how you feel. Also anger management has helped me also. It helps with anxiety that goes along with being upset in different forms. Also taking a break from everyone and everything could help also; living on my own has helped me with that. I know this is lengthy but I hope this helps! :)

Thanks to everyone...

lgm1942, actually yes, some doctors have recommended to go to therapy but she doesn't do it, maybe it's also dufficult for her... thank you so much for those nice words.

Scaredy Cat, I will check the page about ways of de-stressing, I'm sure it will help me. And these days I've been out so, I've been more relaxed.. Thank you so much.

JPE004, Glad to hear you are better. It certainly helps to be out of that environment and it's important to understand that we can't change them, and it also can be difficutl for them, so what we can do is moving to a place where we are better and try to control it as much as we can, and if the situation gets worse, it's better to leave. I love my mom, but I think its better to see her in small dosses.

Pretty_Imperfection, yes, it's difficult to be with someone so different from us, I'm glad you are fine living on your own, it has helped me, too. I think I need something to control my anger, it really scares me sometimes... But I've learned to close my mind when I dno't have anything good to say... I close my mouth, or I leave to a place where I'm a lone and I can curse alone, then, after everything is quiet in my mind, I can think clearer. You have no idea, it's always nice to know you didn't hurt anyone because you were so angry and anxious and frustrated. I don't feel guilty and I realize how unfair I would have been... So, I'm better at that.


Thank you all!