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Posted 4/28/2013 7:50 PM (GMT 0)
I am new to this site, and this seems to be my last resort!! I have horrible anxiety and panic disorder! It has been around for a couple years, and I am usually not to bad, but when winter comes I get horrible.

I had a massive panic attack in sept. and I was unable to eat for five days, and was so sick and weak, I couldn't take it anymore. So, I decided to get in to see a therapist.

I was going to her a good amount, until my co pay went up, and where I was working closed, so now I only see her once a month if that. I feel like once I cut back on going to her was when things just really started to fall apart!

My biggest fear is getting a job!! A new, job I should say, I have health issues on top of the anxiety and I just always fear that I will not be excepted or that I will have a panic attack while I am there!! 

Well I faced my fears and turned in an application, and then completed an interview, and got offered the job, I took and and am suppose to start tomorrow! I have known my start date for a week and I have completely fallen apart over it. I am so scared, sick, fast heart beat, on the toilet, can't eat, weak dizzy, can't sleep. I am so afraid I won't be able to do it, or I will try and have a panic attack my first day. I need this job, I am afraid of letting my family down, my friends down and my boyfriend down. I just feel like if I can't face this fear now, I never will be able too. this is running my life, and I feel like I try to breath and do things to calm myself down but my mind always goes to the fearful side of things, and I can't seem to stay focused when I am doing something because all I am thinking about is this fear. and if I talk about it, it seems worse, but if I don't it also seems horrible!! Please, if there is anyone out there who shares the same fears, or has advice because their mind works the same way mine does I would appreciate it so so so sosos much!! Please help, I feel like giving up is my only option anymore!

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 4/28/2013 5:55:04 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/29/2013 12:03 AM (GMT 0)
ELS1028,

Big breath my friend.

I know what anxiety is and you obviously no doubt know what it is. Irrational and unwarranted fear.

Keep telling yourself your fear is irrational and you have nothing to worry about. It is usual for people to  make a mistake or mistakes when starting your new job.

Everyone has first day butterflies, but don't let anxiety prevent you from your goal and know that we know where you coming from and what you aqre going through.  Remind yourself you are doing this for yourself as you need the job and you chose to try something different.


And deep down you know the truth and that is once you make it through your first day, you are going to realize "hey, this is not as bad as I thought" and you are going to be fine. You obviously sound like an intelligent woman and you will get the hang of things in no time I'm sure. And even if you don't, so what, its not the end of the world.

Trust me you are in good shape, remind yourself there are worse anxiety's to have.  Facing your first day, you will be going through the best possible therapy (CBT) on the job.

Remember you must face the music the first day, it is the best possible therapy. Also remember that all employers expect and understand that there will be a learning curve and adjustment time needed for any new employee they hire.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but that is what you need right now, you must face this initial pain, because I know and deep down you know that after the first day you are going to say to yourself I can't believe I was so worried about that.

Over and over again, don't let the anxiety win. Keep telling yourself these things, until you conquer that first day and no longer have too.

Let us know how the first day went, and if you have any questions

God Bless

Kitt

 

ELS,  I apologize if I offended you as that was not my intention.  I have spent my whole life caring, volunteering and supporting others as I was dx with Anxiety and Major derpession since 1982.  I believe in you and truly hope things go your way.

 

Sincerely,

Kitt
Posted 4/29/2013 12:58 AM (GMT 0)
ELS, Take what stkitt tells you to heart, look at the number of posts she has made, all of them in the
name of good advice and help. Remember your first job, the one you really liked, the first day was
unknown but after a little while it was "your job".

It will be that way again, some day when you are looking forward to going to work, send stkitt a
message, she's always giving and she's good at it. Tomorrow is not to be feared but to be
thankful for!

Larry ***
Posted 4/29/2013 1:28 AM (GMT 0)
stkitt-Sucking it up-really How offensive..You just said that to someone needing help.****-you ex military..I just gave a shout out to the mods and agreed with some posts of yours. Wasnt cool. Ban me if you like if I dont agree, but people already know the HARSH truths about themselves-they look for kindness and understanding and a place to feel free to vent here-or am I wrong..Thought this was a decent place. Epic fail.JMO.

ELS-I wish you the best. And if something happens and you cant get there for your first day-try again the next. For most of us that struggle-we may have to take baby steps to conquer. But you will. If you cant suck it up-which in my opinion means you need to in order to come back here with no shame-big deal. Thats how we rock with our issues.There is no shame-even if you get out that freakin door tomorrow, turn around and feel like you cant go-you are ok in my books. try harder the next day if you are up to it. Best wishes out.
Posted 4/29/2013 3:48 AM (GMT 0)
feather,

I will ask that you respect our modertors here, whether you agree with them or not.

This was not a response to you personally, so I would think that it is not necessary for you to react in such a way, as if you were personally affronted.

Kitt has just completed a vicious round of chemo therapy for colon cancer, and is facing some ominous test results as of late...so the fact that she is giving of her time here is nothing short of heroic!

I will not tolerate any disrepect towards her, so I will ask only once that you please word your future posts more carefully.

Scaredy Cat
Posted 4/29/2013 4:05 AM (GMT 0)
ELS, welcome, and congratulations on your new job!!!

I am so sorry that your thread got off topic...this rarely happens here...kindly disregard the unpleasantries.

I do think that facing your fears tomorrow is going to be a thing that is ultimately going to help you succeed, not only in regards to your job...but in your anxiety issues in general.

Is is going to be easy? Probably not...but it is possible, and you can do several things for yourself to ensure the best possible first day experiece!

We have a great Resource Guide here (main page, 1st post) that is full of wonderful ideas to fight anxiety and panic. Take a look at the video links for the breathing and relaxation exercises, and give them a try. They will help to lower your stress levels significantly!

Visualizing a positive outcome is also important. Picture yourself going to work with no fear, getting through your day without panic, and having a really good experience! How we think factors into how we feel!!!

Use a positive mantra. The words that we speak to ourselves have power! So make sure they are positive. Saying something over and over such as this will help:

"I was chosen for this job for a reason. I am qualified. I can do this. I can beat any anxiety/panic if it comes my way. I am going to do my best!"

...or something that comforts you and gives you confidence.

We believe in and support you! Please let us know how your first day goes okay?

You can do it!!!

Scaerdy Cat
Posted 4/29/2013 11:04 AM (GMT 0)
I am having a horrible time, I have only gotten two hours of sleep for the night, and am suppose to start getting cleaned up here in a little bit to go to my first day! I honestly don't know if I can do this! My heart rate is so fast right now, I am weak, light headed, and tingling through all of my limbs! I am trying to tell myself to just go and try, and if I can't do it, at least I tried! But, I feel like my life will fall apart if I can't do this! I thank you all for your advice, but I have tried the breathing, and other things to help, and I still just feel so anxious! I was not offened by anyones posts, I think everyone has a point, I just don't know how to get through this!! I am trying to tell myself that my thinking is so irrational and that I can do this! I am so exhausted right now and it all seems even worse because of the lack of sleep. My head feels like it is full of pressure!! I just don't know what to do if I have a panic attack in public, especially there, all of my panic attacks have been at home! I really am just looking for someone who totally completely gets this, and shares the same fear!!
Posted 4/29/2013 12:32 PM (GMT 0)
Hi els,

My just want to know that I understand what you are going through. Anxiety really can bring a person down...but reading your post, I believe that you will overcome your fear and go to work. Don't get upset with yourself when things don't go well...take one day at a time. Don't worry about what will happen tomorrow. I know, easier said than done. I'm also struggling through a tough time now. Hope you can make it through. :)
Posted 4/29/2013 12:39 PM (GMT 0)
Times like these are those times a small dose of Xanax is warranted in my opinion just to take off the edge. I use small dose of Xanax as a last resort, when all else fails. Something to consider..
Posted 4/29/2013 3:32 PM (GMT 0)
ELS One of the things you mentioned was how you would look if this happened in public, this is a
very common fear, but you answered it for yourself, they seem to happen at home, and it is
the same for many of us. Don't worry just push through the job, you do need the insurance to
get better. "You do realize that you will get stronger, I run into so many people on this forum
that seem to think this is their life, Not true you will emerge stronger and wiser and able to
help others". It will happen.

Larry ***

Post Edited (lgm1942) : 4/29/2013 1:08:22 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/29/2013 9:17 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you all for your advice and support!! I made it through the day, sick and weak, but I did it! The problem is, I thought I would feel a huge feeling of relief, but I don't all I can think about is, can I do it tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that. I guess I should have specified that I was diagnosed with Ibs, and SIBO, so I have a huge fear of getting sick while I am at work, plus the anxiety and panic, make my worry even worse! Larry, I really appreciate your response so much, I literally started crying when I read that because honestly, I do feel that this is my life, and that things won't get better, so when I read that, it gives me hope, and the slightest bit of hope can make all the difference! I appreciate you guys, and just really want to know if there is someone out there that is a constant worry bug, I mean about every little thing, for instance scared everyday they have to work that they may get sick while they are there. Just anyone that trys to predict the future like me, that has changed their ways and gained the life they never thought they could!
Posted 4/29/2013 9:37 PM (GMT 0)
:-)   smilewinkgrin tongue turn wink You did it!!!!

I am so happy and proud of you.  Give it some time...you will feel better and better and more confident as you get more days behind you.

I don't have much time now...will check in later...

but I did want to congratulate you on your huge accomplishment!

S.C.

Posted 4/29/2013 10:34 PM (GMT 0)
ELS,

I am glad to hear you made it to the new job today but I do understand your fear at facing day 2.  The anxiety people feel upon starting a new job  is very similiar  to  the nervousness they experience upon making many other major life decisions, including getting married and buying a house.

I have a 30 year history of anxiety and depression and now I battle cancer............my anxiety has been nearly uncontrollable since August but coming here and being with friends and others who understand anxiety as well as trying to help others keeps me from feeling alone gives me the courage to warrior on.

You are not alone ELS, in feeling this way.  Indeed, the anxiety some people experience upon starting a new job can grow extremely debilitating but remember even when people share with their new employer their fears, employers understand because they too were anxious when starting a new job.

I am here for you and I believe in you so keep in mind that most of us here know where your coming from and what your going through.

If it is alright with you, I will say a little pray to help you with your new job; to let you feel calm and  to have the confidence you  need tomorrow.

 

Gentle hugs,

Kitt

 

Edit;  I fixed a typo  blush   

Posted 4/29/2013 11:17 PM (GMT 0)
stkitt-my sincere apologies. I wish you well.
Posted 4/29/2013 11:29 PM (GMT 0)
Well done, ELS!

Just catching up with posts and it seems you have already achieved much!

Try and remember the posts you read on here as they will reassure you you're not alone and we all understand,

LP
Posted 4/29/2013 11:44 PM (GMT 0)
stkitt-I feel horrid-tried to send you a private msg-but couldn't. Wanted this to be private-but-I want you to know how very sorry I am.I didn't set out to hurt you-just felt like I was defending someone. After rereading my post I pretty much just feel sick to my stomach. I apologize for over reacting. I realize you do such good work here and very much care. I am so sorry.
I hope you can forgive me that stupid act. Kim
Posted 4/30/2013 11:55 AM (GMT 0)
StKitt, Thank you for your kind words, my heart goes out to you as you fight this battle! I will pray for you, and hope that things can turn around for you!! I can only imagine what your anxiety is doing since you now have to fight this battle! But know that you are on the minds of us all, and we are praying for you! Over your years of anxiety and depression, did you ever feel like it got better, did you ever feel that you pulled yourself out of it?? I hope today is a good day for you, thinking of you today!!
Posted 4/30/2013 1:04 PM (GMT 0)
ELS,

I am hoping today is less stressful for you :-) .  Yes, I had many, many good times and most of the time my medication worked along with therapy. 

My Dr. used to tell me I was like a pressure cooker, I held the anxiety inside at work and with friends as I was ashamed and afraid of what people might think of me.  After so long I would have mini-melt downs and the Dr. would tell me to take a week off work but most of the time I just kept pushing through the anxiety and it was very hard to do when the anxiety and depression got bad.

When it was really bad I would remind myself that it would get better again and it always did.

I did  take early retirement and I thought that would solve my anxiety problems.............wrong but my own fault as I knee jerked and spent months beating myself up for making such a rash move when I was in a major meltdown.

Blessings to you today and know I am here for you.

I am off to the hospital for to play with the CAT Scanner.  :-)

Hugs,

Kitt

 

Posted 4/30/2013 1:07 PM (GMT 0)
feather1

Thank you for the apology. I understand how my verbiage seemed disrespectful but I never meant for it to be that way.

It is history now so we all keep on moving forward.

Kindly,

Kitt

Posted 4/30/2013 2:19 PM (GMT 0)
My thoughts are with you today KITT! Keep that head up, if I knew you better, and we were friends that lived near each other, I would be by your side through your struggles because thats how I am! I am always here for you even if its just on here maybe someday, if you need we can exchange numbers and help each other through hard times! I hope you have someone by your side through this!!
Posted 4/30/2013 2:38 PM (GMT 0)
Dear ELS you are a remarkable person, I can already see some changes in the way you wright,
we are always the last to know but I see that you are already stronger. You deserve a hug and a
pat on the back, we have to give them to ourselves until the day we see each other.
That person that looks back at you in the mirror really is you, shine them up and keep pushing, one
day it will be second nature.
Yes ELS in the early stages of recovery we all felt it would never change, then one day it was
noticeably different. You have a good Spirit and are a caring person. Crying is ok! It's called
Sole laundry! "I alway say a Prayer for You".
Larry ***
Posted 4/30/2013 4:06 PM (GMT 0)
HI ELS, congratulations. Yes, I am the worry wart in my family. They would all tell you so too. Thats just me. I have ways to deal with different situations. I have had a few jobs so dealt with first days and first weeks. I got smart by the second job and realized that everyone that worked there had their own story. Depression, Panic and anx., herpes, chronic illness, chronic pain, just so many possible things that they were dealing with that they were not paying the least bit of attention to me. They just wanted me to do my job, which I did. Was I ever anxiety free starting a new job again? Nope, but I was better. Now, I have very very bad chronic pain and always been a private person. I leave my house only to go to my doctor visits. I know its not good but it works for me. I have a grandson who is due in july who I will be taking care of full time when his mom goes back to work. I am so happy about that. I know he and I will be helping each other. On the 25th of July is a big baby shower, guess what, I AM SO STRESSED about THAT DURN THING. MY FAMILY IS ALREADY THREATENING ME. YES, I MUST AND WILL GO, BUT I WONT LIKE IT.

Isnt that foolish. In some peoples eyes it is, but in my nerves, my stomach and bowels, my breathing and pain in arms when haveing panic attack, its not. If I go and cant manage a silly baby shower, how can I manage taking care of a baby? I will go and show that I can go to a silly shower just fine, and I will be able to take care of my grandson just fine. One on one I am fine, if that one on one is the right person, and he will be the right little person.

I will be thinking of you today. Just remember. All those people have their own problems too. As you make friends there you may find out some of their problems and then you really will feel better. Maybe you can even help someone there. Hang in there friend.....hugs...Cathy
Posted 4/30/2013 4:31 PM (GMT 0)
neuropathy10
:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
Larry ***
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