Worried I have schizophrenia or worse?

Recently, for about 6 months or so I feel like I'm on a timer just waiting until my brain finally gives up the fight and self destructs. I'm not depressed, misrerable or anything and I very much enjoy life but I feel like I have schizophrenia or something but I've not yet realised it, and if I do, I fear for what I may do.

On top of this, sinse the Boston bombings I've been really interested in previous tragedies such as the Oklahoma bombing, oslo massacre ect. I've also been curious about explosives, watching videos on youtube of explosions and just thinking "That is so cool." I'm 23 now and never had an interest in this sort of stuff until now.

The worst thing is and I need to word this carefully incase I give across the wrong impression and that is that when I think about these attacks, although as terrible as they were I can't help but think about the sheer adrenaline rush they must have had, blood flowing, heart racing, knowing that with the push of a button they're about to end the lives of hundreds of people. Within 1 second they're going from freedom > life imprisonment and they never even hesitated...

And ontop of everything I've just said, I really believe I'd enjoy a life in prison(UK) because I love routine, I like predictability and I need someone to tell me how to live life. I was seen by a psychiatrist last year for Autism but she concluded that I was not on the spectrum.

I'm really worried... I feel like I'm setting myself up for a life in prison and although at the moment I feel like I'm still in control of my mind I think my subconscious may be building an atom bomb...

What do I do!!

Wow, you couldn't have interpreted my post anymore incorrectly. I said that the crimes were terrible but bombs and explosives in general I find cool.

I hope this forum isn't populated with more ignorant people such as yourself. Read posts before replying. Thanks.

MathJacob, I actually know exactly what you mean, and I don't think it's as uncommon as you think it is. A lot of people find horror and tragedy really stimulating. Everyone slows down when they go by a car crash, and it's not just out of honest concern. I really like reading about serial killers for example, and I go through phases where I really enjoy reading true crime. That doesn't mean I'm subconsciously going out and killing people! And I have always half-jokingly said that I would like to go to prison (or a nunnery). I like the idea of being in a regulated place where all my decisions are taken care of for me.

There are a lot of reasons why you might find tragedy stimulating. This article is slanted more towards fictionalized crime and violence, but you still might something interesting in it:

http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/books/features/so-bad-its-good-why-do-we-find-evil-so-much-more-fascinating-than-goodness-1965587.html

Let me know if it helps. I'm sure I can find lots more for you to read about this.