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Maybe I'm too sensitive

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Posted 6/4/2013 8:45 PM (GMT 0)
Last night before leaving work I had a miserable last few hours with anxiety/panic. It was brought on my the derealization symptom I've had for a few days. Well today when my boss asked me why I had anxiety yesterday (he is so understanding & and knows some of my past) I told him the derealization symptom caused it. Why the derealization? I began to think....

1) change of my accepting two additional children into our lives (move in the 12th) along with all the state certification stuff.

2) hosted a visitation for their mother Sunday and had to commute long distances and my husband said he wouldn't go with me which stressed me out because I'm directionally challenged ;) (he ended up going)

3) hubby has been making remarks about my weight and saying things like "you should go run" and "I don't want any (ice cream) because I don't want to get FAT"

4) Sister accusing me of taking on foster children for all the wrong reasons

5) No "mommy time" and work has been super busy

6) broken sleep due to transition of stopping breastfeeding

I look at my list and think... duh, no wonder you have symptoms/anxiety. Yet then I think this is just LIFE, am I too sensitive?!  And since this is just life, maybe the symptom is not anxiety and its something else.

I almost think I make excuses for my sympoms and blame anxiety when in fact its not? Then I think I need to accept that it IS anxiety. Its not easy to do. And to let all this stuff "go" is not as easy as it sounds.

Seeking others opinions. Thank you.

 

Posted 6/4/2013 9:03 PM (GMT 0)
That does sound terribly stressful! I'll be sending you wishes for peace and some quiet time for yourself! :)

I understand the "is it anxiety" versus "is it something else and I'm blaming anxiety" battle pretty well. Even before I started having anxiety issues, my husband went through that a lot.

I told him once, and it's true, if it were easy to accept that our symptoms are related to anxiety, then we wouldn't have anxiety. Not sure if that makes any sense.

That's not really advice, just a thought.
Posted 6/4/2013 9:15 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the insight :) Its a mixture of good stress and bad stress that I am encountering. Yet I don't feel super stressed out. I just have symptoms so I just assume I am stressed and blame anxiety.
Posted 6/5/2013 12:08 AM (GMT 0)
JPE I think women like You and BeRock are just fantastic, you have no idea how tough you really are, Kick
back and give yourself a round of applause. You women are life support for all Us Kids! Peace!

Larry ***
Posted 6/5/2013 12:58 AM (GMT 0)
Ladies go to I just want to be happy read everything!

Larry ***
Posted 6/5/2013 4:26 PM (GMT 0)
there is no wrong reason for helping children, you should give yourself a lot of credit for that.
Ed
Posted 6/5/2013 5:23 PM (GMT 0)
No, you are not too sensitive...your anxiety trigger has just been switched on.

Life is full of stress, and at certain times some of us are just more susceptible to the effects of it.

You can and will get back to being less affected by all of these things as your progress in your recovery.

Of course it is always a good idea to try and keep stressors at as minimum a level as possible...but life if going to have its share of them at times. Balance is the goal! Finding ways to decompress and compensate for the stress should be a daily practice.;)

Best wishes with your upcoming changes and adustments in your household...you are doing a great thing!

S.C.
Posted 6/5/2013 5:53 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you everyone!

Like many others, I fear the unknown. Its a big change that I am heading into and I think once I get the routine of things up and running things will balance out. At least I can recognize some triggers :) Seems I'm on autopilot with anxiety lately though. I try to reach out to family and all I get is "your going to have to deal with this crap, your going to be taking on two more children and you can't be having this". Well excuse me, I have anxiety, I'm not mentally disabled!!!! Pisses me off. I reach out as a way to cope, not to be judged and criticized. Another reason I am so thankful for all of you wonderful people on here :)

Also I haven't quite dealt fully with my childhood traumas and I've seen some old pictures recently that my husband was blown away at. He mentioned how I looked so "poor". He didn't mean it negatively, he was just saddened and shocked at how my father portrays my upbringing vs. photos. The pictures speak for themselves.

Everything toppled on top of current stressors and the build up is explanation for my symptoms and feelings of anxiety. Remembering that at the time is the key though. And I know that I don't give myself any slack for feeling the way I feel, I expect myself to be superwoman. I have been trying to fit relaxation into my hectic schedule. For summertime I am not working Fridays, so that will become my "me" day with my kiddos and try to take an easy.
Posted 6/5/2013 6:56 PM (GMT 0)
You already know how I feel about You taking in your Niece, just want to add that I think you are one of
those people that come into someones life and make a saving change for them. What you do is out of Love
it can't possibility go wrong, I Pray that God will put a few extra Angles on the job watching over your new
Family! May You have Peace.

Larry ***
Posted 6/5/2013 10:10 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you Larry! My niece has turned into niece and nephew.... two vs. one. I can do it, its for the children. God will provide. I have enough love to go around :) Just adapting is going to take a little work and I pray for strength and guidance to get me through.
Posted 6/5/2013 10:16 PM (GMT 0)
I think you're not having "anxiety" just to have something to blame for. From what I can see it doesn't prevent you from doing wonderful stuffs. Larry is right "What you do is out of love, it can't possibly go wrong."

Right now I can't get a job because I'm afraid I'm just going to mess it all up yet I feel obliged to earn some money so that I can get myself checked up and finally put all my worries away for good and also to support my family. Panic attacks are just right outside my door and I'm afraid that I'm going to develop this agoraphobia thing. I never wanted anyone to feel or think that anxiety is just my excuse from running away from life.

Reading your post gives me more courage as it does to other people. Things like these inspire me. If you can do all those things along with anxiety, I can do it too!

I'll pray that you'll make it through all of these. You're such a wonderful person JPE!

________________________________________________________

MOST anxiety happens at the subconscious level. JUST because you don't feel consciously anxious or had a day or two of calm doesn't mean your mind & body are relaxed. It can take months of reduced anxiety before a body goes back to a more non-reactive state.
Posted 6/5/2013 10:58 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you! <3 <3

I haven't given in to my anxiety, as hard as it has tried to win me over. I developed it as a young child and have dealt with it since. I work my booty off trying to overcome it and enjoy life. I just want to know what a good quality of life feels like without the burdon of worry/symptoms. I'm on an adventure to find out!!!

My motto I strive by is "I can get thru this, I've been here before and was fine and it will be no different this time. I have to push thru and prove I can do it" There is a song by Mariah Carey called "Make it thru the rain" its amazingly empowering for me. Its my "cry" song alone in the car on my way home from work some evenings if I've been having a rough time. Makes me feel so much better :)

Put out some job applications, if you score an interview, GO. If thats as far as you get, reward yourself!! Baby steps, baby steps. Just forcing yourself to do something even if its uncomfortable is so rewarding because it proves to yourself that you can in fact do whatever it may be. The only person you have to please afterall is yourself. You will not let yourself become agoraphobic.. I have faith :)
Posted 6/5/2013 11:38 PM (GMT 0)
I've done it quite a few times, went out with my wife. Some days were successful ones feeling great the whole day. And there are some days when anxiety and panic have their hands over my body just walking outside with sweaty hands, shaky, weak legs, rapid pulse rate and dizzy spells. It's true within those when I get home, I realize and feel great that I've overcome them both. It's hard and sometimes there can be still a full blown panic attack but it's meant to make me stronger. It's also funny how I feel less anxious at home and feel different whenever I'm outside, it makes me think that everything is just all in my head.

Thanks for your advice JPE! I'll not let myself become agoraphobic! More health and strength to you! God bless!

________________________________________________________

MOST anxiety happens at the subconscious level. JUST because you don't feel consciously anxious or had a day or two of calm doesn't mean your mind & body are relaxed. It can take months of reduced anxiety before a body goes back to a more non-reactive state.
Posted 6/6/2013 4:23 AM (GMT 0)
JPE May all your future tears be tears of Joy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Larry ***
Posted 6/6/2013 9:54 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Larry :)
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