Thank you both, so much, for your responses.
Larry, don't beat yourself up for not going to see your mom often enough. If your mom had Alzheimer's or some other form of dementia, it really wouldn't have mattered. My mom was diagnosed ten years' ago. She still recognizes me and my sisters, but that is about it. When I visit, I usually spend about two hours with her and as soon as I close her door, she has forgotten I was there. Seriously, it's that quick. Yes, she enjoys the time while I am there, but I am not sure it's worth my health. I have been going every week day and my two sisters each go one day on the weekend. It's killing me. My therapist is begging me to cut down to two days a week. I am trying. I know if I don't do it, I won't last. I use to moderate an online support group for family members of people with Alzheimer's/dementia and so I do realize number one, you must take care of the caregiver. If you don't, you won't be here to care for your loved one. My mom did quite a number on me years and years ago and continues to know how to push those buttons. I feel a tremendous responsibility, guilt and obligation towards her. She is a holocaust survivor so life with mom...well, I'll say it wasn't exactly easy. She never sought help, no therapy. She survived ten slave labor camps. Need I say more? So it's no wonder I feel the way I do. I just hope one day I am able to get a hold of this anxiety without the use of medications. I have been trying very hard to listen to my therapist and I say daily positive affirmations and gratitude lists. These have really helped my depression in the past. But mom was hospitalized a few weeks' ago and it seems since then, the depression has reared its ugly head once again. I've yet to be able to get a hold on the anxiety, as I said, without the use of Xanax.
I will read some of the resources and again, thanks for sharing and caring enough to respond. I really appreciate it.
Miriam 