Thinking you've caused bad things?

I'm just wondering if anyone else has this issue. It's one of the things that freaks me out about whether my issues are just anxiety/depression or something different.

I've mentioned it to a couple of family members with anxiety/depression and they all think it's weird. Since there are so many of us here, I thought this would be a good place to ask.

Sometimes, I think bad things happen to other people because I think/say them.

An example is my cousin who died earlier this year. He had been sick with three different kinds of cancer for over a year. His mom would post on facebook each day to let everyone know what was going on. Since my mom doesn't do facebook, I would tell her what was going on.

At some point, I was telling her that he had developed a bad infection in his heart. After I told her, I started wondering if that was right or if I just made it up? When I got home, I checked facebook and that's what his mom had said. But then, I started thinking that maybe that post was there because I made it up. He died from that infection - and I feel like I killed him. I barely made it through the funeral. I kept looking at everyone crying feeling like it was my fault. I listened to his preacher talking about how his faith had been tested and thought I caused that. After the funeral, his mom was thanking me for adminning a fundraiser page for him and I was just thinking, "but then I KILLED him!!!"

My therapist always says, "You're giving yourself a lot of power, aren't you?"

It's not that I think I can wish things into existence, exactly. If so, I'd tell everyone that Kitt was in remission, none of us had anxiety anymore, my best friend didn't have cancer, and my cousin didn't just bury her baby.

But, often, when bad things happen, I do feel like I caused it. Like maybe I didn't know I meant to, but maybe I did mean to?

I don't know if that makes any sense at all.

Does anyone at all understand what I mean or have any experiences at all similar? 'Cause let me tell you, I'm VERY afraid to say negative things, even if it's just repeating facts. (Oddly enough, doesn't apply to writing news stories... lol)

There was a time when both my Daughters went through this guilt complex, one of them actually thought if she thought about something it would happen, they both went through this at the same time. Peace

Larry ***

Awww dear no one I mean no one has that much power on this here place we call earth,even tho Gods words speak of be careful of the words you let come out your own mouth to do with your self. Because we hold death&life in our mouth, Ive saw this first hand with my dads mother and that was the first time I saw truth in that. So speaking of something going on with someone else is just that speaking& telling the next person,what is going on so sorry you don't ever have to worry about stuff like that. Unless you went and got cancer&put in your cousin,you let me know if you have that much power because I want to get some so I can speak healing&just like that sickness is gone. So nope you didn't kill anybody,that thought shouldn't even be in your head now let it go&move on for peace is yours amen.

Thank you all so much. I love you guys!

And Soul, I need to do some Bible reading. I didn't know there was a distinction between what you "speak over" yourself vs. others. Thanks for pointing that out.

I think part of this comes from somehow mixing up religion and anxiety in an unhealthy way...

Larry, sorry your daughters went through that, but glad to know I'm not alone!

S.C., thank you for the article link. :) I've been avoiding look it up, because I figured a bunch of schizophrenia articles would pop up. I read what you posted and looked up some other things last night. She hasn't really explained how to help, just keeps trying to help me see that it's not true. While I can logically step away from the situation and identify "some" of my magical thinking, I still cannot take the emotion out of it.

S.C. - no this one is poor communication on my part. Your link DID NOT make me worry about that. I had expected looking it up to make me worry about that. Your link kinda made me say, "Oh, well I know I have OCD, so okay." :) Your information was helpful - as always. Thank you for it!

Happy Bean - I thought I typed this earlier, but apparently didn't. You, friend, always help me feel better! Thank you for being so caring! :)