Today, I sat

Today, I started a project outside in an attempt to keep my anxious mind busy. I had been about to bubble over, couldn't breathe, chest hurting, hands physically shaking. I took my klonopin, did my breathing exercises, and the tears started to roll, so I headed out to work.

At some point, I was sitting on the ground, sawing limbs off of a small tree I had cut down and I just set everything down.

I looked at the leaves on the ground. The way ferns were peeking up through small oak saplings. I felt the sun on my shoulders and back and the sweat on my face. I realized that I could hear the breeze move through the forest before I felt it kiss my skin.

The tears stopped. The shaking stopped.

I realized that the road ahead is not going to be fun, but it's going to be worth it.

I'm about to risk a lot of things I think are important to try to heal. I worry so much about losing "everything" when "everything" has prevented me from FEELING the world.

I want to know how to want to live again - and I'm going to do whatever that takes.

Thank you, Larry. That means more than you know. :)

I can relate. Glad you are okay!