Love one with anxiety disorder

Hi Wannabehappy,

So sorry you are going through this. As someone who's experienced bad symptoms, having bad days, not feeling well, etc. let me try to speak from his point of view.

I've been dealing with symptoms recently, and having more bad days than good. For me, it's been easy to just stay home, miss out on events, not go out, and not see people. Again, because it's easier. I've cut back on activities, made excuses, etc. Heck, back in April, I CANCELLED a trip and intentionally did not get on an airplane, missed my trip, because it was easier to stay in.

For me, it's been a realisation that I can't let anxiety or my symptoms control me; I have to control IT and stop letting it rule my life. That's really tough. First, one has to try to start feeling better.

I don't know what it's going to take for your BF to get the right treatment and to feel better. He's going to have good days, and bad days. Maybe, on his good days, try to encourage him to do a small little thing with you. Not a whole day event that might be too much of a big deal, just something to get him out and have you two spend some time together.

Expecting him to move back in with you might be seen as a real *big deal*, and that can shut him down. Again, try small steps. Little things. Maybe meet for a lunch. Maybe visit and drop off his favourite chocolate chip cookies, and don't stay too long or whatever. On his good days, make it easy for him and give him a reason to make it hard to say no.

If he keeps saying no, no no, no, in whatever circumstance, well I dunno. At that point, you're going to have to think about your own priorities and think about moving on, if he doesn't want to deal with you.

Good luck. I do hope your BF comes to a good realisation to try to get out there and do stuff, rather than shutting himself in and letting life pass by.

Ruhr

First of all, hugs to you and welcome to the forum!

Most here can understand what he is going through. Some - like both Larry and myself - can understand what you're going through.

Much like Larry, my spouse had these issues before I did. I was fortunate in that I was the person my husband sought solace from. It sounds like your boyfriend may be seeking that from his parents.

Let me tell you a little about how I feel now that *I'm* going through it. I feel like a failure. I feel like I'm ruining my husband's life. I feel like he would have been better off with the cute little blond cosmetologist he dated before me whose still all smiles and happy and beautiful.

I imagine your boyfriend is experiencing some fear and a lot of difficulty with acceptance.

That said, your feelings are as important as his.

You've got a couple of choices. It basically comes down to this - is this man the ONE you love and need and can't be without, or is he someone you can live without?

If you decide to stay, here are some ideas -

His parents may have a lot of insight right now. If you're close enough to them, ask one of them to meet you for coffee or breakfast and seek their advice. They may have some great advice and this will lay a good foundation for your future, by showing them that you both respect them and love their son.

Try to understand that the first few weeks of SSRIs often isn't better - in fact, it's often worse until the medicine reaches its full therapeutic effect. Your bf may feel worse right now than he did several weeks ago. Things will improve.

Medicine isn't enough for some people and not all medicines help all people. Some people need therapy (I do!!!!) and some people may have to try multiple medications to find the right one (me again!!!). There's help out there and hopefully your bf will be much better soon, but it may take time.

I agree with the suggestions to lessen the pressure a bit. Everything's not okay, yet. That's okay. I'm sure there's a time in the future when things will be okay again. One day, you guys will be picking out new curtains or something, and anxiety will only be a minor annoyance. :)

Let some of your phone calls, visits, etc. be absolutely free of anxiety talk, unless HE brings it up. Just enjoy the here & now. Talk about the movie you're watching, the meal you're eating, or the weather if he's only up to sitting on the porch with you.

In the beginning, sometimes I went to my (now)hubby's house, watched one sci-fi movie and left. It sucked, but it was what he could handle.

Try to focus on yourself at this time, too. I know it can hurt to have less time with the one you love (my hubby and I were not married when this all started, so I experienced that separation, too.) Try to find the positives in your increased alone time. Focus on a hobby or skill, check out pinterest and do some crafts, give yourself some spa days or home spa treatments. The stronger your sense of self, the stronger any relationship you have will be.

Hugs & wishes for peace!