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Posted 9/2/2013 6:15 AM (GMT 0)
Hi all, I am new here and new to anxiety/panic, so I figured I would ramble on a bit. This has been the toughest month of my life.. I'm a 33 year old male, and anxiety has recently been beating the hell out of me. I have a great new job, all is well in life, and then I get blindsided by these panic attacks and constant anxiety out of nowhere. I can't go a day without losing it and feeling out of control.

The best part is, as a result I have health anxiety along for the ride, so every ache or heart palpitation is automatically a fatal disease. The ER and doctors office may as well assign me a parking space due to me going numerous times over the last 2 months or so. I have no reason to have anxiety or depression, and yet it is there all the time now. Lucky me..

I have been prescribed Lexapro as well as Atvian for when its really bad, and have missed a lot of work as a result too. Thankfully my project manger was a psych major and is SO much more leniant than any boss should have to be and is very sweet regarding my issues. Its crazy how much your brain can sabotage you, and even when deep down you know that's what it is, it STILL gets the best of you.

6 feet tall, about 185, and I was trained in Muay Thai for about 7 years, and now I'm afraid to even be alone for extended periods of time. Its embarrassing to ME (not saying its an embarrassing condition, because it is obviously very real) because I was always other peoples rock, and someone people could count on for any kind of help or support, and now I cry like a baby for no good reason at least once every other day.

Sorry this is so long winded, but I am just so frustrated with my condition and need to vent I guess. I've read this forum many times and seeing the support you guys give is just amazing and I applaud you all for not being selfish and helping other people going through this same thing. I am a bit of a train wreck lately, but I will surely be here to help in anyway I possibly can as well. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
Posted 9/2/2013 8:55 AM (GMT 0)
Hi OTS

Welcome and sorry that you're here, but you'll find this place is a good one. Guess what your age is pretty much the nominal when it comes to the initial onset of anxiety and panic! Are you married, expecting children, experiencing a career change, unsatisfied with some aspect of your life? There is a reason for it, perhaps you can't see it now but that's what exploring all of this through some type of therapy can help with.

I'd like to point out a few things from what I've learned about CBT, not meant to criticize but to help you see your rational mind again, man to man no punches pulled but a little bit of straight talk:

You wrote "constant anxiety out of nowhere". Well, I bet you have periods of no anxiety, so it's just not true that its a -constant anxiety-, you've probably been asleep at some point so we can say with 100% its not actually constant. And perhaps it feels out of nowhere but there is likely a reason for it.

You wrote "I have no reason to have anxiety or depression". You're likely dealing with anxiety and depression because of the anxiety and depression. Sounds nuts, but its true. To be thrown off your game in what appears to be the prime of your life as you describe it, is probably pretty unsettling.

You wrote "I was always other peoples rock, someone people could count on for any kind of help or support". Its probably a way too high expectation of yourself, you weren't always a rock, and not available for any kind of support. Think about some impossible task that you could never do, admit to yourself that you are a reliable person but that you can't do it all.

You wrote "I cry like a baby now for no good reason at least once every other day". Well, there's clearly a reason - you are suffering for anxiety & panic, possibly depression.

Being frustrated with your condition is going to feed this monster. I know what it's like to be in the hospital afraid of a heart attack and have taken Xanax when it got quite bad. I've ran out of meeting rooms and sat in the bathroom stall for 20 minutes before.

I'm by no means a clinical psychologist, but having dealt with my own issues I'm picking up some perfectionist/idealistic traits in what you are experiencing. Frankly put, the additional stress you are giving yourself about the situation you are in is adding flames to the fire.

We are all fallible. No matter the Muay Thai, your career success, what was or what you think will be, we all fail at some point. And it's OK to fail.

You may not think it now because you are fighting it, but its OK to be in this space in life right now.

Do a little research on CBT and I would recommend if you can avoid the medications, haven't had any experience with anything but Xanax but I was always afraid of them becoming my psychological crutch. Everybody is different but I know for myself and others on here it can be overcome without medications.

Joshua
Posted 9/2/2013 2:32 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Ouch and welcome!

I am sorry to read of your current struggles.  I know how incredibly difficult anxiety and panic issues can make life.  The good new is that there is hope for recovery.

I have to also recommend therapy as Joshua has. You did not mention any treatment other than your Rx's in your post, so if you have not been through CBT or other therapy...I high recommend looking into it.

If this is not a possibility at this time, we have some great Resources on our main page (1st post) that include incredible self-help ideas. The breathing and PGR (progressive muscle relaxation) exercises are powerful tools to use against anxiety and panic. There are also informative articles, boooks and even on-line therapy options to check out.

Keep posting here as well. You will find understanding and support here in this group...and that is a key part of recovery as well.

Talk to you soon,

Scaredy Cat

Posted 9/2/2013 6:58 PM (GMT 0)
Hello! and Best Wishes :)

HB
Posted 9/2/2013 8:53 PM (GMT 0)
ouchthatsucked,

Hello and welcome to HealingWell; I look forward to getting to know you better. Joshua's comment blew me away as I had an aha moment............I had my very first panic attack at the age of 36.  My oldest son (18) had left home for boot camp and I was not able to have any contact with him until he graduated boot camp. I thought I was glad to see my children growing into young adults but I missed him.  One afternoon I had a uncontrollable panic attack and had no idea what was happening to me. 

Like you I was on my game, manager of the Emergency Department and could not think of a single reason for the problem. I went on to be dx with anxiety and depression and eventually PTSD when I experienced a huge personal loss.  I have been dealing with anxiety/depression for 31 years but most of the time I have done well once I knew what was going on and could accept what my triggers and worries were all about.

I work hard at staying in the moment and remembering that I have anxiety; anxiety does not have me.

I would encourage you to find a good therapist, one that you can develop a trust relationship and see if you can work through some of your issues once you have identified the stressors.

I take medication but I believe medication should always have a type of therapy along with it. 

I am so glad that you have joined us, as your situation is similar to so many of us here in the forum. 

Kindly,

Kitt  

 

 
Posted 9/2/2013 9:54 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Ouch,

I noticed you said you had a great new job? That's very good news, congratulations.

But just one thing...Does everything seem to be happening very fast in your life at the moment, with the new job n'all ? I only say that because that can trigger of attack's in my experience, even though it's an exiting time for you, what's not so good is that it will make your mind race like hell...not good in my book if you suffer with anxiety.

I may be completely wrong but I say this as I was in a similar situation as you a while ago, great new job, good money, everything is great!.......Then out of the blue a major panic attack hits me?
Doctor said to me it was " All to much to soon " ?

All the very best to you mate.
Posted 9/3/2013 12:12 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks all, and I actually do have a therapist I started seeing, support. ons in so far. I also have checked out the resources and started the deep breathing exercises. I appreciate the support very much, and actually in hindsight you guys make perfect sense, especially the too much too soon. My job is new and slightly intimidating though it pays well, AND my girlfriend is pregnant as well. We moved here to California from Florida about a year and a half ago, so I guess basically I'm a moron for not putting it all together.

It really is a lot all in a short period of time, I guess I was just not really considering all of it as a factor because they're all "good news" situations. I guess sometimes the obvious needs to be pointed out to some people huh? It really has been a massive struggle and so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I'll be darned if I don't get there eventually. The toughest part I think is not being able to be there the way I need to for my gf. That part is a guilt pit. Thankfully she is supportive of me though.

Thank you all again, and I'm glad I found a place with even more support. As long as we are here for each other I think we can ALL cope with our issues.
Posted 9/3/2013 3:22 AM (GMT 0)
Congratulations!! Another new dad! :) Joshua and his wife are also expecting a baby soon (any news yet Joshua?)

We often think we are adapting (and are up to a point) with added responsibility and new situations until our minds and bodies decide enough is enough and put the brakes on us. However, this is just a reminder that we have to deal with the stress in a healthy way, and learn to manage it appropriately.

Glad to hear that you are giving the breathing exercises a try. I hope they help.

Keep posting!

S.C.
Posted 9/3/2013 4:48 AM (GMT 0)
The baby is coming any day now! :> I'm literally squirming in my seat at work waiting for a phone call!

I think for me, the pregnancy really tipped something off, so just realize that its normal to have a lot of new dad worries. We are just more vocal about it, perhaps more sensitive to it....perhaps more into the pregnancy than we'd like to think.

I became terribly upset about the possibilities of miscarriage, and all the myriad of things that could possibly go wrong with pregnancy. I once convinced myself we were losing the baby and cried and cried about it. Talk about moron, right? I too felt feelings of guilt and wanted to "fix myself" so quickly. But I think it takes time to come to terms with the pregnancy and how you are going to react to it.

I spent all day so far on the internet browsing through real-estate information because I feel this insane need to buy another house. Yesterday I submitted an application to a PhD program and then changed my mind because it doesn't make any financial sense. Its just my paternal instincts kicking in, and my single-man personality clashing and thrashing around and trying to make sense of it all.

I found when I called other fathers, and talked to them about the same experiences, it is usually the same - lots of nervousness and all of that. And everyone says the same thing - you'll get over it!

I had a lot going on like you, a big promotion at work, lots of stress at work, news of a new baby, people in my family were dying (grandparents at an old age), and I told this all to my therapist. He looked at me and said something like, "Good God, if you weren't having anxiety issues I'd REALLY be worried about you!"

Joshua
Posted 9/3/2013 2:09 PM (GMT 0)

Ouch

Just so you know that you're not alone:

I am also a 33 yr old male.  I'm sure we share a lot of the same characteristics.  I am what I would consider a "man's man".  Like to drink, not afraid to fight, ride a Harley, etc.  I have gone thru my entire life feeling like I was on top of the world and bullet proof.  I would laugh at the idea of "panic attacks".  I would figure a panic attack is for a weak person.  And then I experienced it myself about 8 months ago.  And I've been fighting it nearly every day for 8 months now.  And also like you, this all started with a new job that paid well but was intimidating a bit.  And news that my wife was pregnent with our 2nd child. 

Just being on this web forum has helped a ton!  Also reading a couple good books has helped.  I would recommend reading "From Panic to Power".  Like you, I am new to this journey.  But looking forward to coming out on top. 

Best of luck.

Jake

Posted 9/3/2013 7:19 PM (GMT 0)
Just my opinion, we all seem to love to dance around the fire of life, dance ourselves into a frenzy of
pleasure and excitement but what happens when the fire starts to die down, some of us get very afraid
of what we perceive will happen when the fire go's out, "maybe death", maybe get eaten by the big
scary creatures that lurk in the dark,"different diseases, disabilities, etc".
Every fear and anxiety, panic, seems to be anchored in the what if's of will I die, will I be a vegetable.
Joshua88 has made a lot of real sence to me. if we accept the absolute certainty of death look it square
in the eye, and tell it to ***** off, "your the last thing I will ever do" in the mean time I'm going to live my life like I will live forever! It can be the beginning of life without constant fear, I know I sound real brave, let me clear that up, I will go down kicking and screaming, but I will not go down but Once!
Peace
Larry ***
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