Posted 9/11/2013 4:26 AM (GMT 0)
hi to whoever is reading this,
so ive been suffering for anxiety/panic attacks for almost a year now... i've been dealing with it on my own along with the help and support of my family members. or at least the ones who i told.
its so hard for me to express what im feeling and going through with the people im with because im living in the philippines. Im away from my parents, my brothers and my sisters. im leaving in a house with my aunt and cousins and here they have no idea what anxiety/panic attacks are. there pretty old school, they process what im feeling as it being "all in my head". well if you think about it, it is, but its just way more then that.
i had my first panic/anxiety "episode" coming into the new year. happy new year right? well no, not exactly, but i did try to make the most of it. so before i had my episode at the peek of finishing my last year in college, would you believe me if i told you i was majoring in psychology. well i was, it was my last semester so i was interning and also doing my thesis.
during all of that i was also having a fight with one of my best friends here in the philippines. so you can imagine all these emotions. The day i got my first anxiety attack i was on my way to a new years party. i called my friend up and i told her that we should talk, so i was already nervous on my way there. the commute to the party was 2-3 hours away from my aunts house.
at the party i saw her and i cried a bit, then we entered the party together. but it was still awkward, we werent talking to eachother. and our relationship was like sisters, so it was pretty weird not being able to talk to her.
so after the party we decided to talk, it was about 3am and we went to a place outside the dorm where she lived and started talking. everything was going fun until i started feeling scared. i told her lets just go back to the dorms and while walking there i had my first panic/ anxiety attack.
i couldnt breath properly, my heart was racing, my eyes were getting blurred and i was losing feeling in my arms. it felt like i coudnt control my body. it was the most horrible experience in my life.
to be continued....