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Posted 10/7/2013 6:04 PM (GMT 0)
Hi,

Hope everybody is doing well and wish you a good week.

In life and especially business, no one is almost never going to do you favors.

When you make a call you must have a strong mindset as to not waste your time, as
people don't want their time wasted themselves but are hypocritical and will waste yours.

Recently I called a person who I had met at a open house, we deal in similar markets
and the thought was maybe we can help each other for one another's mutual benefit.

After introducing myself and explaining my business, I actually called twice and left a clear message with my return number . No return call.

So last week, figured I had nothing to lose so I called again and got them on the line.
Perhaps not remembered me, they asked what I wanted.

I explained again, they were busy and couldn't speak, and they told me to mail something.

Both of us are in the financial industries, but our services are different and I was looking to
mutually help each other.

Objectively speaking they are wasting my time and just telling me something to get me off the line
B-ll---t!!!!!!

Have seen this repeatedly so will not waste the time.

It means everything when talking to a person who did not give you the courtesy of a return
call ( never in almost a month)to stand your ground as that will come across in your speech.

There are so many creepy, rude people out there, who when they see a person who is only
trying to make a living but comes across as vulnerable or needing- will mess with them.

For this reason I always try and be straight with people.

I am sick of complaining and need to get moving, but my the therapist who I saw years ago
"played me" and figured he could just count on me talking the whole time without doing anything.

I literally never knew why I felt like I did until as recently as 3 years ago, read the Claire Weeks book
and discovered our forum and other people who I relate to.

The only time this little creep who lied to me , and contradicting himself from one week to the
next said anything relating to a diagnosis was when he referred to anxiety as a disease as I came
to my senses and fired him. And he was the one I was supposed to confide in !

I need top get over the therapy dude I know- there are people who make good livings that area joke.

I need to get busy and stay away from here for while!

Just want to add something - I am not a kid and have come to the point where I really do not like working
with this guy and if I talk about another annuity I will puke. My old job was boring but it was a cakewalk compared to this.

S.C - thanks for believing in me , you are so nice .
Posted 10/7/2013 6:41 PM (GMT 0)
ghost,

All of the members here in the forum that respond to you are your peers as we often feel the same as you. I was at the clinic this morning for a 1000 appointment. I arrived early at 0945 but did not get called into the exam room until 1020.  By that time I was feeling frustrated, angry that I had to be at the clinic and feeling cheated that I was spending "my" time waiting on the staff.

I survived and I know going to the clinic is high stress for me so I am a work in progress in not letting myself get into the high anxiety zone.

If people are honest, there will be at least some occasions now and then when they  feel really annoyed with other people. Perhaps it's because something they  wanted to do was thwarted by someone else's preferences, or perhaps it is something that was said or implied. At other times, it may be as simple as finding every noise, movement, and distraction very bothersome because a person is  fatigued or unwell.

Whatever the reason, here are some easy, simple steps to feel calm and collected when you find yourself in that  annoying position.

Initially, it's important to cope when you're annoyed with another person so that you don't let your sour face or barbed remarks alert them to your annoyance. After you've coped will come the time for reflection on the annoyance and what it means for you and your approach to others. When you feel the annoyance getting to you, try the following:

Concentrate on something other than the person who is annoying you. Look at your hands, a poster, your computer screen, people across the street - whatever takes your sight away from the person bothering you. This will give time to think calmly and to take your mind off the person. Delaying your reaction will help you to realize the pointlessness of flying off the handle at them, or at treating the situation too seriously.

Know what sets you off and learn how to not react, as well as dealing with the underlying issues. It's usually obvious who is bothering you –  creepy, rude people who do respect you enough to return phone calls.

It's also important to identify the what that is bothering you – what precisely about the therapists behavior caused  you to feel so annoyed that you feel ready to explode ?  Working out the real reason underlying the annoyance will enable you to target responses that will be effective in both solving the problem that that annoys you and causes you to find that particular person so annoying.

In other words, try to separate the problem from the person - the therapist appears to be a talk therapist and you do not do well with a talk therapist; "He played me" and figured he could just count on me talking the whole time without doing anything. 

So perhaps the problem is you do not like talk  therapy and need to seek something that fits you better.

I have seen 5 therapists over the past 31 years.  One I liked very much, 2 were OK, 1 I could not tolerate and was prompted by my Pdoc to talk to the therapist telling her how I felt. I did only to have this lady do the very same thing at the end of our session that I could not tolerate so I went out the back door, cancelled any appointments I had with her and quit therapy that time. The last one wanted to do talk therapy so after a couple of sessions I let her know my just talking away like a chatter box did not work for me.  Truthfully, the only one that brought out my fangs was the one I really did not care for as she did not listen to me...........grrrrr.

We all hit the wall, ghost, but remember you are always a work in progress and each day you will grow a bit more tolerant and stronger as you take control of your feelings.

I support you and have since you joined HW.

Kindly,

Kitt

Posted 10/7/2013 9:20 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Skitt,

Thank you very much for your advice and support, I appreciate it!

Also thanks for your advice for your comments regarding dealing with annoying
people- I will definitely try.

As far as the therapist goes there were a number of issues.
I have evolved very much since I went to him, and understand that
in therapy you will get to some extent what you give.

That being said, this guy was a total zero.

I never understood why I could be so anxious or become nervous in
situations that I had been previously comfortable with. I was confused
about this whole issue as if it was some great mystery, and actually come
to think of it ,did tell him of my frustration and feeling stagnated by these
feelings. I was begging for a explanation. What is crazy is that he never
gave me a diagnosis, plan or set goals for our sessions.

I would never put up with this now. This mirrored the way I lived my life
at the time, I was able to do well without any real plan or goals.
I had never really been in therapy for any regular period and did not think,
and know that I should and deserve better.

So basically this phony literally I believe said one piece of valid advice in
more than 2 years, incredible as that sounds. I remember being pretty wound up and talking nearly the whole time,towards the end when I said
to him that I did not like talk therapy and he offered nothing and I felt like
I was getting nothing from him. I told him that I had read the Claire Weeks
book and joined this forum and it had helped me much more than he ever
did- which was nothing.

Skitt, the main reason I have animosity towards him is this. Okay, first of all
when I decided to close my mouth and ask what advice does he have as I
am getting nothing from therapy, he smiled sarcastically and said- look at what your doing- he had nothing to offer me.

The main reasons are during the last session I told him I did not want to see
him as I was getting nothing from our sessions. I had asked about CBT ,meditation and medication ( CBT and meditation)the very week before.
Well that week when I said I was firing him because I needed to look into
CBT and meditation and see someone who can help me with it, he reacted by saying that he was using those very techniques that he said he did not believe in the week before! I am not making this up. He became very vindictive,and angry,he also said that I was "all over the place",when he
had also said that he followed me fine - when I asked if he understood my
thoughts the prior week.

So this fake , useless piece of garbage never gave me a clue as to what was
my problem, gad, and contradicted and lied to me.

I am getting all ticked off thinking about it, he should not be licensed and has
been very negatively reviewed. But shame on me for going to him after 2-3 times. Ironically enough after telling me always that I am okay, he became
quite pissed off when I said he was doing nothing for me ,he said ,"the anxiety is a disease" ,after over 2 years he finally said something.

He was a useless,lazy therapist who would just let me talk.

I do not like talk therapy either, I find it makes me think too much about my problems and makes me more anxious, Thank you.
Posted 10/9/2013 6:02 PM (GMT 0)
ghost,

The therapist that I did not mesh well with would call me into her office and sit down in her chair and just stare at me.............my mind would immediately start wondering what I was suppose to say.

So I would finally talk about something and then she would question every comment and it usually went like this, " Why do you think you are better this week compared to  last week"  Come on lady,  I was better until I came here and you stare at me.  Each time I saw her I became more resentful of her stealing my time and my always ending up in tears. I know now that I am the keeper of my time and I learned to tell it like it was when I told her why I was uncomfortable with her style.. I shared that talk therapy is not working for me as all my life therapist just want me to talk.

The bottom line came at the end of every session when she would walk out of her office with me and wanted the 2 of us to go to registration so that I could book out 3 more appointments -because they are going fast !

 

I never book appointments with my Psychiatrist unless I am at home with my schedule in front of me. I sure did not like dealing with  a therapist who wanted to make sure her openings were full................so that day I walked out the back door and never went back to her again.

I have always had a bit of knee jerk reaction when I feel I am being judged or singled out for a "talk" with someone.  I go on the defense and later regret it so now I stop and think about it and wait until my anger has cooled off.

We all feel anger, but whether or not we act on it depends on a number of factors. Among them, confidence and forethought play a large role. Sometimes our anger gets the best of us, and we argue without thinking it through. Other times, we don't feel confident enough to argue effectively when we should. To start solving this problem, we need to find where we draw the line between letting something go and engaging in conflict.

Asking yourself a question, in general, works well because it makes you think. This is especially important when you're feeling emotional. If your emotions get in the way of logic, questions will help draw you back to reality.

I wish peace and happiness to you today and all the following days.

Kindly,

Kitt

 

Posted 10/10/2013 4:04 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Skitt,

I can appreciate your sentiments. I commend you on knowing yourself and what works
for you, as that is important.

In my instance, I was new to therapy and at the time did not know much about it. I just
knew that I felt uncomfortable, anxious a lot of times and did not how to deal with it.
As I said this was awhile back but not that long and although I still have to manage my
anxiety, I have grown so much trough self education and our forum and its members.
I am thankful for finding it and members like you and Scaredy Cat have helped me, if only
with your encouraging words and relating your own stories.

Maybe what I post now will help someone who is at the point I was about 6 years ago,
and if one person benefits, it is worth it.

When I started therapy I did not pick the therapist but went through insurance. I had a
lot of anxiety, have only suffered one attack in my life ( I feel bad for those who do), and
needed better coping skills to deal with it. I would worry about having the anxiety - anticipatory
anxiety- and then my own reactions would make me even more anxious.

This whole thing was a "mystery" to me. I thought perhaps it was a childhood incident, or
my parents public fighting and my embarrassment that was it's root cause. I would mull it
over a number of times. I remember being afraid others would notice and I would have even
more embarrassment. I am quite tall and when I was younger was self conscious because before
I started sports and exercising , I was very skinny. I thought, perhaps I was nervous because of
those younger days of being self conscious about being tall and gangly. I also had social anxiety,
as I would avoid answering my phone as a friend would want to do a activity where my anxiety
would rear it's ugly head.

And the part of me that has a strong ego,sense of myself would say- what the hell are you doing?
What are you afraid of , you are very competent and have done these things ( really it could be
anything I had done many times well before) before.

I did not just know it was anxiety attaching itself randomly to something. At different times I felt
anxiety driving, doing any given activity with a friend, and I'm sure some other things I don't remember.
Point is it could be something very elementary - made no sense at all'

Now the mystery is over. It is not from a my childhood per se - although I'm sure that wasn't good
for me. It is just the way I am - and the less I fight it and more I trust myself the better off I am.

The therapist I went to, although I was a handful- was a nothing.
He would wait for me to speak and then he was Captain Obvious.
I would say something like - " I did a presentation and although I have done many times before
I felt really nervous this time".
His response- " So you feel nervous about speaking in front of people?"

Here is a classic:
After a period of not really looking for work at the time, I contacted a business that I had
researched on my own seeking a job. This was the very first place I contacted, I had just
lost my second job. So it was my first interview in a long time- almost 10 years.

Anyway at the interview I was so nervous , the interviewer noticed and asked if I was okay

I told the therapist about this he answered why don't you ask him what the problem is that
the guy noticed with me.

Yes, I am going to point out to a potential employer that I am very uptight. A complete
moron.

In fact he never helped me realize one thing about myself.
When I decided there was no reason to see him , I said that I had learned about myself
through reading the Claire Weeks book( which I related to to a T) and this forum, he
jealously responded in a angry tone, "you have all the answers". Which was after the lies
and contradictions. He simply did not want to do anything.

My experience before was even worse. I had my one anxiety attack when I was walking into
her office ( I have no idea why) I said I would have to cancel - as i was having it and told her-
she said "you know , there is a six dollar co- pay".

So I can relate. Thanks.
Posted 10/10/2013 4:18 PM (GMT 0)
ghosst8,

Every post you write, every thought you share goes a long way at helping the people who read here. Your words are straight from your heart and you don't hold back so believe that you are an advocate for others with Anxiety.

I had my toughest time with anxiety and depression 7 years ago and chose early retirement from my dream job due to my anxiety level being at a 10 on a 1-10 scale.

Anticipatory anxiety I discovered had been in my life for a very long time but for some reason it flared out of control in 2005.  I still have my moments and days but I no  longer walk the floor asking myself "what if?"

Keep on sharing your thoughts with us whenever you like and know I am here for you.

Hugs,

Kitt

Posted 10/11/2013 2:25 AM (GMT 0)
Skitt,

Thank you for your positive comments and support.

You and our communities support does make a difference in a good way in my life.

Knowing and understanding these issues are, I will always try and share,help, as this way if we all make a effort , we all can help each other.
Posted 10/11/2013 4:39 PM (GMT 0)
G.,

I completely understand where you are coming from in regards to your former therapist. (Captain Obvious, lol)

I can't tolerate that kind of empty talk either. I think that is why I found CBT the right fit for me.

It focuses more on tangible solutions through working on exercises and techniques, which appeals to my analytical and pro-active personality.

I don't know what kind of time or interest you have for self-help programs at the moment...but there are some really good ones out there, and can be better for a lot of people than going in for one-on-one in some cases.

Let me know if you would like any recommendations, and I'll do some research and post the ones that I think you might like the best.

Wishing you a good weekend...talk to you soon.:)

S.C.
Posted 10/11/2013 4:56 PM (GMT 0)
Good Morning Ghost,

Just checking in with you this morning and sending you good vibes that you will have a good day.  In life, everyone wants to do something that is meaningful that serves a purpose. However, when we do not do anything in life to make us feel worth living, we will put a lot of pressure on ourselves which will develop into stress. One of the best methods to fulfill a meaningful purpose is through helping others and  being a member of this community is truly one way for you to keep on   giving your support.  


Benefits from helping others:

 

Increase happiness

Increase a boost in a feel-good part of the brain

Feel connected to others

Feel needed and effective

Take the mind off worries for a while

Add a sense of purpose and meaning to life

The trick is to remember to give to yourself first so you are strong enough to be able to support others.

"You know you’ve made the right decision when there is peace in your heart."

 

I wish you sunshine and peace,

Kitt

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