Fear of dying

Oh hun,

Be kind to yourself. Any mother in your situation would be on high-alert and filled with anxiety. It sounds like you have multiple sources for your anxiety, between dealing with your own personal panic and then as a mom, you're worried about your son.

Take a step back and accept that it's perfectly reasonable, understandable, and okay to feel anxious. You have a lot on your plate at the moment.

Breaking things down into blocks or chunks of time will help you to not feel overwhelmed.

You're looking at, and thinking about, everything all at once. I believe anyone would feel overwhelmed dealing with what you're going through.

Take one thing at a time, make a list if you need to, and set aside time to worry. It sounds strange but it works. Focus on one thing (Topic A) for one hour, focus on another (Topic B) the next hour, and reserve yourself real time, another hour scheduled, where you can focus on (Topic C = writing down, journaling, listing the things you're worried about, and in the next column, list solutions to those concerns).

Rather than trying "not to worry," (that'd be impossible),...acknowledge that it's okay for you to do so, and permit yourself a time to do just that. So you're not ignoring it,...you'll get around to it. And in the meantime, you can spend only the allotted amount of time on each "topic."



M.

SOIA

 

As you lay on your bed last night you were stuck in the what ifs and why us thinking.?  Anxiety and panic attacks are nasty - just horrible to deal with and on top of that, the attacks leave  the nagging fear, "When will this happen to me again?"

The aftermath of a panic attack is very painful. Feelings of depression and helplessness are usually experienced. The greatest fear is that the panic attack will come back again and again, making life too miserable to bear.

Now is the time for you to stand up and face life and accept whatever is in your future.  No more worrying about what may happen, stay in the moment with your little boy.  Your work lies there now, get organized and keep busy doing all you can to make things better for the two of you.

We are each of us stronger than we believe.  This is one of those times when you take care of the present, ask for help when you need it and know others care for you and love you.

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt 

This has got to be so hard. When I was going through my own cancer treatment, it was bad enough. But, when I saw little kids getting chemo, it broke my heart. Any caring adult would rather take their place and let them have a "normal" childhood. You are a hero and have my utmost respect.

As a parent/caregiver, what you're feeling is probably part helplessness and part trying to be the strong one. You can't make the cancer go away or predict the future, so your thoughts are all over the place. Thinking about the "what-ifs" is actually pretty healthy.

Can you join a support group at the cancer center for caregivers? Simply talking with others in a similar situation is so helpful. Even if your circumstances aren't the same, those associated with cancer have a unique compassion.

Your friends probably can't understand all your stresses, but want to help. Although it sounds silly, you might make a list of things that you need to do or would love for someone to handle for you. Then, when someone asks, you can give them a few options for making life easier. I'm sure you've been blessed by helping others and it's okay to be the one asking for help once in awhile. Depending on your level of comfort and how close people are to you, you can have someone clean, do laundry, pick up groceries, take the dog for a walk, fill the car with gas...any number of things. If nothing else, ask them to pray for you, that you'd have strength to get through all the decisions and challenges.

You probably want (and need) to be the one there with your son when he has appointments, but it's okay to take a day or a few hours for yourself (whatever that looks like) outside those commitments. Going for a hike, catching a movie, or anything that you enjoy...will give your mind a break from your busy thoughts.

Wishing you peace as you trust God through the unknowns.

In my own situation, when I see the oncologists (and even before that,--it started with one of the surgeons), they had pamphlets and cards,....of social workers, specifically for both the patients and the caregivers!

I got on their mailing lists to hear about upcoming related events.

They post (and hand out) monthly calendars with a variety of events on them,....some include just meeting other parents/patients/care-givers in similar situations,...just casual meetings over coffee.

They also offer many support groups, therapy (private as well as group), they have classes to attend if you desire.

Just knowing those options are out there,- it's something valuable to take advantage of. Similar to anxiety in general, when it's complicated, it helps to be able to speak to others (professionals, and non-professionals), to help understand you're not alone, to help make connections with others who "get it" and can "relate" to the bombardment of emotions.

I found resources of several social workers, therapists, group leaders,....and this is what they do. This is all they do. Not feeling isolated, not feeling alone, knowing you have safe places to not only share, but to let your walls down and have a good cry when you need it,....it's priceless.

That is one of many reasons I find myself relying on this forum as I do. We all need to have at least one sanctuary!

Just wanted to throw out a few other possibilities!



M.