Really not doing well

Been doing well for a few days but tonight is very hard on me

My wife was invited to go out with some friends for a girls night out. She asked me if I was going to be ok because she knows my anxiety is bad if I am by myself. Not wanting her to suffer because of my anxiety I said yes it's fine and even turned down an invite from my brother to go to the bar and watch the hockey game with our pals.

Well I'm twenty minutes or so in and I have put 911 into my phone so all I have to do is hit send if something terrible happens to me for example heart attack or aneurysm. I don't want to call my wife and tell her to come home and my brother left his car at home because he will be driving so he can't come and get me.

I'm scared and I don't know what to do she will not be home anytime soon if at all tonight and I am currently in bed doing everything I can to not fall asleep as I am terrified if I fall asleep and she's not here with me if something happens I will die in my sleep and no one will be here to help me I don't want to die in my sleep so I am trying to stay awake

this is a horrible experience, I know. I go through this always! my boyfriend just left for work and im home with the kids. I hold him up from going sometimes because I feel that as soon as he walks out of the door im doomed and something bad is going to happen, then soon after whattya know anxiety comes along or I get some kind of aches or pains or I cant breathe right or I cant stop shaking etc etc etc. this is terrible, I too feel like I cant be alone, ever. im terrified that something will happen with me and my kids will be here alone and I wont get the help I need if something happens because they will be so scared and not know/remember what to do when panicking (even though my oldest is 9 she knows to dial 911 , but when you are so scared you never know what will happen , shes still a little girl!). This anxiety has got to go its making my life unbearable at times, I don't want to leave my bed. When I push myself to do things such as work, school, physical activities it gets so much worse because it exhausts me and im forcing myself to do things that my body just does not want to do. Its scary. Everyday I wake up and im like here we go, another anxiety filled day. Very uncomfortable. The best advice I can give you is to try and keep busy even if you are not up to it. Even coming on here to post or read others' posts just knowing you are not alone can really help. Sometimes if it weren't for healing well I wouldn't know what I would have done at certain times that I was feeling at my worst and so scared..to hear others' responses to my posts really helped out! also, when home alone I walk outside to my car or in the front of my house and just breathe in the fresh air and know I am not alone because there are neighbors and people everywhere and it just makes me feel comfortable and not as alone as being trapped inside and nerve wrecked. at this point my nerves are shot from the anxiety 10 years now and now being it at its worst, I will do ANYTHING and try anything to try and calm myself or take my mind away from it feeling like something terrible is going to happen. we need to keep pushing forward and get through this!!

hope you are feeling better!

Lacey

I didn't sleep at all last night

My wife ended up over indulging in alcohol and ended up falling asleep at her friends house. Her friend did give me a call to let me know but it still wasn't any easier on me. Part of me is angry that she did that but part of me is happy she got to let loose with her friends.

I stupidly spent most of the night googling possible scenarios so today is a real struggle