how bad can it get?

I'm really struggling right now because even though i am doing things to cope and try to get better, i feel like i have not made progress and i am feeling really stuck.

it was kind of an epiphany last time i went to the ER and felt convinced that my problem is anxiety and panic attacks. since the first time this happened a few years ago, i have had every test i can think of because i was sure there was something wrong with me physically. being pretty sure it is panic disorder, i am doing all the things you are supposed to to get better - therapy, reading about CBT, massage, breathing, trying to reassure myself and change my thought patterns.

but still it feels like a downward slide.

my first episode happened while driving. i used to have an hour and a half commute to work. but even after it happened i kept driving to work. it was torture - literally almost every day to and from work i would have an episode and have to pull over. they say you shouldn't avoid things because of panic attacks. but i continued driving for over a year like that, and it never got better. i couldn't handle the stress of just making sure i got back home alive, and left my job. fortunately i got a job working from home, so that daily stress is no longer.

for a while i would at least drive locally by myself, and then for a while i would drive locally but only if my husband stayed on the phone with me.

i also got these attacks while shopping. i kept shopping by myself, but it kept happening, and I would have to run out of the store without buying what i came for.

i started only going out to the store (or out anywhere) when my husband was with me. but now i have panic attacks when he is with me, too.

we came home early from a trip the other weekend because i had panic attacks in the car (on the highway), during a group tour of a historical building, in a restaurant, and then in our hotel room.

yesterday was the first time i left the house since we have been back from our trip. my husband drove, and we were just going to a store about a half hour away. but sure enough i got a panic attack on the highway. i talked myself through and got through it.

but i am tired of feeling tortured every time i go out. i just want to get back home. i am tired of it being such a struggle. and this is when someone else is driving, and with me the whole time! how will i every go out and function normally again? i used to like going out by myself, and doing things, etc.

i used to be very independent and had no problem driving cross country by myself. now i can't even leave the house by myself, and lately, even with someone, its so hard and i still panic.

i am so embarrassed. and i can't function this way forever, its not fair to my husband and daughter.

what i don't understand is that when this first started happening i did not avoid going out, i still drove and went out and made myself do things - but things did not get better or easier, they got worse. i thought making yourself face your fear and do things was supposed to help?

anyway, sorry this is so long, I just feel so frustrated. i don't like being like this. i have pushed myself and continue to push myself but everytime i do just seems like a failure lately.

i am going to switch to a new therapist who specializes in panic, and does something called EMDR treatment.

i am doing everything i know to do, except medication, which i really do not want to take.

when i read you guys here going to the doctor's, or work, or anywhere by yourself, or driving - i think gosh, i cant even do that right now - what is wrong with me!?

i work from home, and my husband accompanies me when i do go out - and yet i feel like i am getting worse, not better. and yet i know when i pushed myself to go out and do things by myself and drive, things did not get better either, my panic got worse.

has anyone here every been this bad? or gotten better?

thanks for listening.

LW,

You posted, "i am so embarrassed. and i can't function this way forever, its not fair to my husband and daughter." You are a person with an anxiety disorder and right now you must feel like your fighting for your sanity - I have been there.  I also hated leaving my home, my safe place. Please do not feel embarrassed or disappointed in yourself. The rule here is "no beating yourself up"; you are a awesome person, a wonderful Mother, a caring wife and so much more.  You have anxiety - it is not who you are. (((((Hugs)))))

I am sure you have always been there for your family, through the good times and the not so good times, however, at this time you need to put your health and well-being first in order to heal.

The causes of anxiety disorders are currently unknown, although research has provided several clues. Areas of the brain that control fear responses may have a role in some anxiety disorders. Anxiety disorders can run in families, suggesting that a combination of genes and environmental stresses can produce the disorders. The role of brain chemistry is also believed to be the cause for many people.

Although each anxiety disorder has its own unique characteristics, most respond well to two types of treatment: psychotherapy and medications. These treatments can be given alone or in combination. Treatment can give significant relief from symptoms, but not always a complete cure.

Anxiety is holding you back from engaging in activities that you would enjoy. It is degrading your life but it does not have to. Millions of people have anxiety but are greatly assisted with the help of mental health professionals. I am proud of you for making an appointment to see a new therapist and try EMDR. Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) is a fairly new, nontraditional type of psychotherapy. I will be interested to hear how you like it.

I have used biofeedback to learn how to breathe correctly when my anxiety spikes and I  found  it to be very helpful.

I know you are choosing not to use medication but don't rule it out completely.  Medication may be helpful!  It can help to “take the edge off” of your anxiety, enough to tolerate an anxious situation. Medicine might also eliminate the severity of your anxiety.You most likely would not have to take the medication for an extended period of time but that will depend on what your doctor recommends. Food for thought and if your already on medication perhaps you need to talk with your Dr. re trying a different drug.

Keep coming here and taking with us.  You are supporting so many others here in the forum which is very special; let us help you in any way we can.

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt

 

Hi little wing. When I go out some times my chest hurts. Some times it hurts all day. But I just try to keep on going. So its normal. I feel like there is something elese wrong with me to. I know it sounds crazy. I am all ways tired. Are you all ways tired? Thats good you made an appointment with the Psychiatrist they will help you. I see the same one I saw before 7 or 8 years ago and she helped me. Hang in there. Please feel free to E mail me any time. I am home alone . Misty.

Little wing
Hi , Im going to a similar situation but I can't even be home alone and if I am i get really anxious , but I can't go out to stores by my self , had the worst panick attack while at the mall with my mom a while back my heart was going 170bpm if not more I called 911 then after I got in my car it settled down but I can't go back to the mall now because of it can't go though one of those again ..
Can't go on vacations and I don't do fun stuff anymore I understand where your coming from , I just wanted to share a little bit of my situation and to know that you are not alone , I also don't want to take meds Im scared that they might make me into a different person , but geeeze im already a different person with all this anxiety and panic crap ..
Hang in there I believe we can get better it just takes time.

Yes littlewing. That's how panic attacks subside in frequency and intensity for me. Break the cycle of fear and panic in its track. Panic lives on fear. Stop fearing it when it comes and it has nothing to feed on. You can't always control the onset of an attack, but u can tell yourself to instantly recognize its arrival and CHOOSE not to add fears to it by thinking u will die, u will go crazy, u will faint, what if etc. Tell yourself you have survived them before and they ALWAYS subside eventually. So let it come, dun fight or struggle, just accept the feelings and float along, let it runs its course burnt itself out eventually.
Meds like Xanax can help relieve u when u feel not up to it sometimes so keep it by your side when u need relief sometimes but try practicing without meds whenever u r up for the challenge. When u gain confidence u can put the meds aside.
It will be super challenging, takes efforts and wisdom, can have setbacks but the rewards immeasurable and significant when u learn the trick.
Good luck. Read Dr Claire Weekes books for details.

Littlewing,

I had my first panic attack when I was driving with my daughter, about 7 years ago. I thought I was going to die. I had many symptoms along with it for years after. My anxiety seemed to go away for a few years, and then came back again with a vengenace about 2 years ago. I haven't been able to escape it at all this time. I get the worst anxiety when I have to drive, because I fear I will get another attack while I'm driving. What's worse is I always feel like something is going to happen while I'm driving, and that adds to my fear. I hate driving anymore, and it has ruined my social life. I fear driving the most, and end up cancelling things because I don't want to have an anxiety/panic attack. I also witnessed a terrible accident one time right in front of me, and that has added to my worries. My daughter is now 12, and I'm scared that if I'm driving with her something will happen to me. On the other hand she helps me out by talking to me alot and it keeps me sidetracked. Just trying to let you know that I know how you feel, and sympathize with you. I get anxious just driving to work anymore. I will have to take a half xanax before I drive anymore. Good luck to you, and crank up the radio. I do that sometimes too.

I'm new to this forum... And looking for help/advice... Just people that can understand the feelings I have. I used to be able to drive almost anywhere now I struggle just getting 5mins away and usually turn around. Can anyone give me some advice on "how to keep going" while driving?