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I'm sick of feeling like this

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Posted 4/9/2014 11:31 PM (GMT 0)
I'm so tired of feeling like this. I'm ok in the morning. At around noon the pressure and lightheadedness in my forehead starts. It stays until I get home from the gym after work. I'm a person who deals with hard facts. You have something physically wrong that's diagnosed by a doctor. He gives you something for it and you get better. Even if you don't get better you know there's a physical reason for your symptoms. But these symptoms from anxiety don't behave like that. I google anxiety symptoms and have many of them. I read posts on this board and many people have symptoms like mine or worse. But I can't take a pill that will make me better in 10 days. This can go on for months. Or forever. I'm assuming the doctors are right in that I have anxiety since no tests have been done other than by the chiropractor telling me my neck and shoulders are like rocks and my c1 and c2 are out of aligned the therapist diagnosing me with GAD with a side of health anxiety. I want my flipping life back! I'm sick of thinking about this 24/7. I would love to be able to post in this board that I'm feeling wonderful and have my anxiety kicked to the curb. Instead I'm posting about the same symptoms all the time all the while worrying I have some dreaded illness. And to be honest if I was able to talk my way into a MRI and it turned up negative I'd probably find some other disease to focus on that shared the symptoms I have. I want to be happy. I want a day where I feel great. I want a day where I don't whine to you guys. I want some peace. I feel that even God is sick of me now and has walked away. I can't say I blame Him since all I do is complain. Thanks for listening. Sometimes just writing down what I feel without expectation of responses helps.
Posted 4/10/2014 12:53 AM (GMT 0)
I am sorry that your feeling bad. Unfortunetly we all have felt this way. I still feel this way at times. Just yesterday, I was saying I can't remember when I had a day that I didn't think about anxiety. Even if I start to feel better, I think my mind automatically comes up with something for me to worry about. Just wanted to let you know your not alone, and wish you well.
Posted 4/10/2014 4:38 AM (GMT 0)
You are not suffering alone. I, too, am experiencing ever-changing symptoms on a daily basis. Every doctor I've seen hasn't been able to find anything physically wrong with me and refuse to carry out any more "unnecessary" tests. They have a point, every test I've ever taken has shown nothing worthy of explaining my plethora of symptoms. Every few days or weeks I focus on a different symptoms whether it is a stomach ache, a head ache, shortness of breath, a lump in my throat, or what have you. The suffering never ends or gets better. I also would like nothing more than for this demon to leave me be and to have my life, my friends, my peace of mind, and my happiness back. I've been also beginning to lose hope but we can't ever give in or give up. I will fight forever no matter how hopeless it seems. May God have mercy on us.
Posted 4/10/2014 5:19 AM (GMT 0)
Your not whining Special you are venting and its good for you,
what I am going to suggest may or may not work for you, have
you ever tried Meditation or Ti Che, they both require concentration and that can really break PAD's back. Peace

Larry ***
Posted 4/10/2014 5:37 AM (GMT 0)
Hi SO,

Well you are going to get responses anyway!! ;)

I know what you mean about anxiety not playing by the rules of logic.

That is really hard to wrap your mind around, I understand!

Patience and acceptance, and continuing to work on self-help skills will bring you the progress you want and need. (I am proof of that!)

Keep working toward your goals, and remember that as challenging as it is, positivity is key.

As is support, so keep posting!

S.C.

p.s. God/our higher power never walks away...we just have to trust more completely during the challenges. It is hardest to hear the still voice when our anxiety is a loud and confusing sound, trying to drown out everything around it.
Posted 4/10/2014 8:49 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you all for the encouragement. It's nice to know that others know how I feel but sad to know they are suffering as I am. I've never tried meditation but I would like to give it a try. However my problem is that every late morning or early afternoon I get a pressure lightheadedness in my forehead every time I get up and walk around. I don't feel as though I'm going to lose my balance or anything. It's probably a self fullfilling prophecy. I expect it to happen and it does. By the time I get home from the gym tonight it will be gone.

I try to keep the faith but it's been so difficult lately. I guess I don't know if He's not listening or that He's listening and the answer is no. This is a tough journey. I'm glad I have you guys to travel it with me. Thank you for being here.
Posted 4/10/2014 9:00 PM (GMT 0)
Footprints in the sand, my friend,.....





M.
Posted 4/10/2014 10:40 PM (GMT 0)
Hi special. Anxiety symptoms are horrible!! No sugar coating there. I am more than 3 yrs away from the time I had my breakdown and the symptoms that still persist the most are headaches and lightheadedness. It is a pain but somehow little by little if you train yourself to focus on something despite the lightheadedness you actually forget about it.... until you remember that you forgot about it and feel it all again. Hang in there special! Here for you.
Posted 4/10/2014 11:37 PM (GMT 0)
I do exactly what you described! I realize I haven't felt the symptoms and back they come. What the heck???!!! It stinks but I have to deal with it. No other choice! Thank goodness there are wonderful people on HW to support and encourage.
Posted 4/11/2014 12:08 AM (GMT 0)
All I can say is that I have suffered with anxiety on and off since I was a teenager...I am now 66. There have been years when it would go away completely and I couldn't imagine ever having anxiety and then times when it would come back with a vengeance, sometimes for a day, a week, a month or even a year! I do believe that with time you begin to deal with it better, as you learn those weird feelings are not going to kill you, and you begin to develop coping skills that oftentimes help, sometimes dont. I guess I just want you to know that there were times when all I could think of was "when will I be my old self again" and worried that these feelings would NEVER go away. But I can assure you they do....I have often felt that when we reach a point where we think we can't take it anymore, the anxiety will subside a bit - maybe just to give us time to gear up for more, I don't know. But there IS relief at times...and sometimes for quite awhile. I would also suggest that you try to laugh at yourself when you start to feel these feelings....it may not work at first but if you keep it up, it will eventually help you through. Tell yourself things like "well here's that annoying lightheadedness and pressure that I've had ten million times and they haven't killed me yet". I know it sounds impossible but I find the more I laugh at myself and the crazy senseless symptoms I've experienced for so many years, feelings that I was SURE were going to kill me or drive me mad, never actually did and I sure wish I had back all the time thinking they would. The curse of anxiety that so many of us live with is no different than that physical illness a doctor can easily diagnose...it's a disease of the mind and the only pill we can take is our willingness to keep fighting it.
Posted 4/11/2014 1:32 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you Andwes.  I'm going to try your approach.  And I'm going to pray that my symptoms subside and hopefully go away for even a short time.  You're right.  They haven't killed me yet!  I have the willingness to keep fighting it.  I just hope I have the strength.  It's a long, hard fight.  And it drains you as much as a physical illness does.  When I look back, I realize this is not my first encounter with anxiety.  I believe I was in my early 20s when it first started.  It just took one small thing at the beginning of this year to completely throw me off the rails.  And I so often feel as though I'm the only one suffering from it.  Everyone around me looks so happy.  But after reading all of the posts on this board, I find I'm nowhere near being alone.  In fact, I'm a good actress.  The people I work with would be stunned to find out I suffer with anxiety.  And that's probably true of many people.  What they show the world is not reflective of the pain of anxiety they suffer with on the insdie.  As long as I have this board to come to when things get crazy, I know I'll somehow make it through all of this.  Thank you all again.
Posted 4/11/2014 8:38 PM (GMT 0)
You are absolutely right! Other people usually have no idea what we're suffering with - not one of my 9 best girlfriends from high school ( that I am still very close to and seem more like sisters) could believe it when I finally told them about it just a few years ago. There WERE stunned. As a matter of fact I was voted Class Wit in high school AND college which made it even harder for them to believe! They said I seemed like the happiest person in the world! So you never know how many people around you, even people you work with, are suffering daily with this affliction. After all, who's going to come out and say "Guess what, I feel like I'm completely crazy and going to end up in a mental hospital the rest of my life" - like so many of us feel when this anxiety hits. So keep up the good fight and you WILL get a handle on it - not every day - but more and more days as time goes by and you learn more about yourself and what triggers your anxiety. Sometimes there doesn't seem to be an explanation....I was diagnosed with free floating anxiety - in other words it can happen without a particular reason. But oftentimes now, after all these years, if I think about it enough, I can come up with a reason...and sometimes that reason isn't anything too serious, but apparently something that brings up anxiety within me. Good luck to you!!
Posted 4/12/2014 11:54 AM (GMT 0)
I know how you feel. I've had anxiety since I was about 15 maybe before, I am now 26 and miserable. The past 4 years it's been the worst. I've had years that it totally went away, well the physical symptoms went away, but I've always had anxiety thoughts like death and diseases, but in my opinion the physical symptoms where it seems like there is really something wrong with you is the absolute WORST. I've had n many tests done for the heart, scans, MRI's, blood work, etc., and everything comes out fine and my Dr. says it is Panic Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I just wish to God that it goes away once and for all. I pray every single day for him to just make me better, I don't know what else to do anymore! As you said above you just want your life back, I say that everyday! I just really want my life back and to not have to feel sick and like there's something wrong with my heart and panicking everyday. Do you take meds? I used to take Xanax until about 2 months ago when I found out I was pregnant with baby #3, so I stopped taking mine, I didn't think I could do it at all but somehow I did, now I have no relief of the physical symptoms- - I'm thinking that's why I am so annoyed and frustrated above my normal with it recently. I guess all we can do is hope and pray for it to get better? I'm praying for us and everyone on HealingWell to get better one day, maybe it is wishful thinking? But it couldn't hurt!

Have a great weekend!

Lacey
Posted 4/12/2014 7:29 PM (GMT 0)
You would think that having lived with this for so long we would be used to all of the physical symptoms that comes along with it. But it doesn't work that way. I can't even remember what it's like to have a normal day and not have anxiety symptoms on my mind. I never realized how good I had it! Like you guys I pray every day that God takes this away from me. No matter what people say ("what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"), I feel I'm becoming weaker every day. I am going to keep fighting this with all I have but it's exhausting! I pray for you guys every day. If God doesn't feel the time is right to take this away from me, I pray that he provides someone else relief. I'm so thankful for this board and that I have people to talk to. I don't want people around me to know as it would just bring me more anxiety. It's such a vicious circle. But we all have to keep fighting the good fight and pray that someone day this will pass. There's strength in numbers!
Posted 4/12/2014 8:51 PM (GMT 0)
I can certainly understand that!

I can remember back, earlier on in our marriage, when I'd get either anxiety "sessions" (as I call them, because they're lower grade and can linger),...or when I'd have full blow panic attacks,....my Hubby would often say similar things to me along the lines of,....I've had them for so many years, what makes this one so different? I should know by now what's going to happen, and what these attacks entail...

So....why would I continue to react to them as if they were brand new? He couldn't understand what there was to be anxious about, or frightened of, because everything was fine. (He's a scientist so everything boils down to logic,......I'm the artist so everything swirls and whirls around the imagination!)

I don't honestly know what it is that makes them feel just as scary today as they did 20 or 30 years ago. Yes, you'd think we'd get accustomed to the symptoms. Yes, you'd think we'd remember they turned out to be nothing.

I'm still working on it, and yes, certainly I do better now than I have in the past.... But that is quite the intriguing question to postulate.






M.
Posted 4/13/2014 1:40 PM (GMT 0)
I very much like your term of "anxiety session". It sounds less threatening than "anxiety attack". Attack puts the thought in your mind that something is threatening to harm or destroy you. Session implies you are dealing with something that will eventually have a positive outcome. Your goal is to neutralize the situation. Much more positive than attack!!
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