Struggling -reaching out just because......maybe it'll help?!?!!?

I understand.

I left my job at a medium-sized state university in the US last year. There were lots of reasons. Family, mother's health, MY health (both physical and mental), and a very poorly run school, a very poorly run department, and no way to really make any change happen. I tried for four years, and got nowhere. 150 years have more power than a lowly assistant prof.

I moved to be near my family and my partner, and went through a terrible depressive period. I am finally starting to come out of that part of my life, and this year marked the turning point for me.

It is the right thing to do, you know. I wish I had a job that I liked and paid more, but I am far happier and emotionally strong than this time last year. I know I made the only decision I could.

Change is terrifying. But in order to move on, it is necessary.

Hi Brit,

I can relate to several things that you've brought up. If you feel comfortable doing so, would you mind sharing some more details, in particular about the body dysmorphia and the low self-esteem.

I mention those two because, for the part of my life I'm going to share with you, I can touch upon shades and aspects of these things. The degree and circumstances may be different, but each person's struggle is unique and personal to them. It's sharing the feelings that permeate our thoughts and actions that help to create a connection.

I've had several different jobs over the years, but I truly found what I consider, to this day, to be my very personal calling! I became a personal trainer. A very good one. A very hard working one. I worked from 5am to 8pm, (of course I had a longer lunch in the middle of my split shift), and every other weekend, all trainers had to rotate working the closing shift, so I'd be there until after 11pm. On the regular days ending at 8pm, my Husband would meet me after he got out of work, and then WE would work out together before going home. And the majority of my "style" or approach in training my clients, was based on my gut, my instincts,....more-so than one who trains "by the book" based solely on academics.

Part and parcel with this job included not only a necessity for looking and being fit, but it was in my blood, it was the deep essence of what brought me joy in my life. It was, and still is, my passion. It excites me.

Fast forward to roughly 7 years ago....my life was turned upside down for many different reasons, some of which included my physical health, and my emotional health. I went from being one of the top trainers in demand,....to not being able to work enough to make the minimum quota. My body was giving out, my mind followed. This was my LIFE after all, it was how I identified my whole being.

Again, fast forward,...I lost my job. I lost the body I worked extremely hard at. Among a bevy of health problems, a series of orthopedic issues were skyrocketing, requiring extensive and expensive back to back to back surgeries. More inactivity. I needed help now to go to the bathroom,...never mind proper exercise.

I changed. My outlook changed. My marriage was falling apart. Everything in my life that I perceived as my "identity" was being lost, consistently, aggressively,....I am now on disability (making a tiny fraction of what I earned even in my starting days)....

The point is,....I had to accept (and I'm still working hard,....very, very hard) that the "me" that is now, in the present moment, is what I've got. It's a "new" me. It's a "different" me. But it's what I've got. If we don't learn how to make peace with that and find ways to improvise, adapt and overcome, these feelings can eat us up inside.

Please believe me,....you are not alone, this is a process, and I will not lie,...it's a journey. There's no quick answer, no quick fix, no magic.

My Husband and I repaired our marriage (it took both of us wanting it and working on it)....but I am home alone (well, me and my loveable dog, that is!)....all day. We both are not social people, we enjoy our privacy, we do not "entertain," and we do not "go out to events." (In part to some of my new physical limitations).

But I can relate to isolating one's self. I do it too. In part because I prefer solitude. But at the same time, I've seen it bring me to dark, deep places if I don't have at least a modicum of social connection.

So, I ended up pretty much writing a book here,....but the gist of it is that I'm another person, albeit across The Pond, who "gets it," -- very much so!






M.

Hi
I can't really offer much in the knowledge department as some of the others on here
But am a good listener and if you ever fancy a chat I'd be more than welcome to talk to you about anything.

Hello Brit. Coming to terms w major changes is something i can totally relate to. 5 yrs ago I was happily married (not without issues of course) w 2 wonderful kids i was in a partnership doing consultancy w one of my best friends. Things were good... until things started to change like a freight train.

Bad falling out w business partner. Full blown anxiety. Wife couldn't cope. My brother passed. My dad passed. Separated from my wife.

Defining my new identity has been and is still a very bumpy road with so many unknowns, challenges and false starts.

I have also done many things I am not proud of.

I have however also found out positive things about myself and developed (work in progress) a kinder relationship w myself in this journey.

It is a cliche but really change is the only.constant. if we learn to embrace this better I think our own unique journeys will be traversed w curiosity openess and acceptance. Praying for you.