anxiety ocd over telling my bf stuff

ive been with my bf for 3 yrs, we are very much in love and have a good relationship, i feel we are very connected and we are very close which is why i dont know what the best thing to do is. The first year and half of our "relationship" was very unstable and he was not commited to me then it was a very differnt time for us.
Anyway basically, this man is the only adult relationship ive had and first person ive ever truly loved so im only learning.

a couple years ago he left me to be with his ex and i hadnt heard from him in a month and i truly thought it was over and he would never return to me again, so i slept with someone else, i told him i was seeing other people and he knew i was off on dates but i left that part out, it was only once and i think he knows that i did something. i didnt feel bad then because of our situation and its not like i was out to do the wrong thing by him but i was trying to move on.

Then about a year ago we had some issues and i told him i couldnt live with him, he was really upset, anyway i found him entering his ex's property although before he went in he got arrested and went to jail. I was so angry and upset and this time it was revenge so i slept with someone else. He got out and i told him about that one because i felt like i had done the wrong thing he forgave me and loves me more than ever but that triggered this thing with the one from the past and im obsessing wheather i should come clean with it for my own peace of mind because i want a relationship with no secrets and because we are so close totally different time for me and him that i should just tell him but if it were me i wouldnt want to know because its irrelavent so i wouldnt be telling him for him its for me beause i think how can we be close when i know something like that and havent told him. ( and yes i did use protection) ive managed to not worry about it for months because my ocd has been managing it, if i do things a certain way its fine and wont need to say anything but i stuffed something up and now its a problem.

I know it seems like maybe i shouldnt bother with him hes been to jail etc but i just want to know about whats bothering me because we all make mistakes and me and him both have issues as you know which is why im on here but i really love him and i just want to enjoy loving him again without feeling like this. help!! im feeling really sick, obsessing over it, i just want him to love me the same as always, i couldnt bear it if he didnt.

And when is it the right time to go and be with someone else after a break up? i dont want to be in this situation again!

Autumn, I must agree with Soul it is never a good thing to share
your mistakes with someone thinking it will make it alright,
all you are going to do is set the stage to one day have it thrown
in your face, the only one you need to confess to is your God.
No one else can forgive you and most people will not. Just one
other thing Mam if you think he has told you everything you are
fooling yourself, as a man I know, we think you women will believe anything we tell you, especially if we shed a tear or two.
You must protect yourself then you can better protect him.Peace
Larry ***

A psychologist once said that confession is only beneficial for the confesser. To the recipient, you've given them a burden at the expense of making you feel better.

I agree, to confess to your God for forgiveness (if that is part of your life), is the way to seek forgiveness.

Speaking to a therapist can help clear your mind and help you move forward.







M.