what if....

Ok so this is my first time posting on here and i dont want to bore anyone with my background (it will turn into a novel rather then a post). Long story short i have been battling anxiety since i was 19. Over the past 12 years ive had my ups and downs with it, but over the past year or so it's been mostly downs. For the past 3 years i havent really been able to eat like a "normal" person, i just can't bring myself to swallow much of anything. I miss sitting down and having a meal with my husband and kids, being able to do fun things outside of my house with my family (driving, even being a passanger is no picnic so i tend to avoid trips over 20 mins if i can) ive been to the dr, had and ultrasound of my thyroid amd a swallow study done, both i guess turned out fine, i never heard anything different . Lately i have a tightness in the throat and upper chest that scares the bagezzes out of me especially when im home alone with my 3 yr old. I know i should go to the dr to just to be told im fine to put me at ease, but the what ifs creep into my head when i think about it...what if something is serioisly wrong with me, what if it could have been prevented or treated if i had gone earlier. I just try to convince myself its anxiety and go on, but what if its not. Everyday i wonder what if something happens durng the day, or before my husband gets home from work, will my 8 or 6 yr old know to call 911 for help or go get a neighbor. I do not take care of myself like i know i should. Im lucky if i drink more then 16.9 fluids a day (not counting my morning coffee)when i do eat its more crap food them anything, but it gets to a point where im happy to be able to swallow anything that i dont care what it is as long as my body isnt eating itself. I'm not as active as i use to be either. i moved from my home state to my husband's home state over 2 years ago, i haven't been able to get a job, i have no friends and only have his family around, which is great, but not the same. . I do believe the lack of caring for myself has a major role in what is happening to me yet for some reason i cant rememeber to take care of myself until my symtoms kick in then its hard eat and drink. I tell myself daily you need to remeber to eat and drink regualrly throughout the day and promise to do better tomorrow, but i wake up feeling good and forget about it, kinda, there is that voice in the back of my head telling me...you need to eat and drink. Im so scared of not being around to watch my kids grow up, yet i don't do the best job to ensure i will be. Well in a nutshell thats what im currently going threw. Thanks to everyone that took time out of three busy life too read about my problems. I hope everyone has a wonderful, anxiety free day , its all we all hope for

Sometmes i dont feel as though im living at all, just existing and i really hate that feeling especially with having 3 kids who i want nothing more then to have fun with and make awesome memories with them instead of mom not doing much with them since they are all to small to understand why mom is the way she is sometimes.

I have thought about getting counselling more so latley, just finding the will to actually go is what i struggle with.

Im am so thankful that i have found this forum. I have read many posts and its so awesome to know that alot of the things i feel arent me being crazy. I have read so many where i just shake my head and say "yup thats me, i feel that way too, or omg i thought i was the only one who felt like that". Also to be able to talk about what im feeling and have others know what im feeling like and not give me the im listening to you but i have no idea what you are talking about look (or tone) or the you sound cazy or stupid look.

I will check out the resource guide. Thanks again for talking time to read let a lone respond.

Imagine, if you will, one year from now. If the "then" you could time travel back to your "today" you,....what would you say? Would you say, "here I am a year later, still worrying about the unknown?" Or would you say, "shucks, see the doc now and let us avoid another year of worrying about the 'what if's'?"

It's the "not knowing" that amplifies what feelings we sensitive folk already feel heightened to.

This is a very reassuring and comforting community, so you're among good people here.

I'd also advocate therapy. I avoided it for a long time because I was embarrassed about the 'stigma' associated with it.

Eventually I stopped procrastinating and went. It works, it helps, and you eventually learn,...no stigma. It's a safe place to discuss your feelings.







M.

Hi Folla,

I find when I get bad anxiety my throat feels tight and I have a hard time swallowing. Also, a loss of appetite. The more I think about it, the worse it gets. Sometimes I'll even take Bendryl thinking it's allergies and that always makes me feel better even though it probably isn't allergies. I try to focus on doing something else. If it's really bad, I take several deep breaths and say I'm going to be ok. Because I know I will. I've been through it before.

As far as the doctor, that can be therapy in itself! I just went after having one of the worst panic attacks/anxiety period of my life. I told the doctor everything I was worried about and she told me I was fine and that was stuff she was looking for in my checkup and she would be able to tell and that it wasn't going to happen to me. With pills, I found asking my doctor about possible side effects helpful or posting on here asking about what other ppl went through. I just started on Clonazepam and I was pretty nervous that it would sedate me to the point where I wouldn't be in control of my body. But I took it when my family around and was so glad I did!

Zoloft had Always worked well for me too. I feel more mellow now that I'm back on it.

Isn't it a relief to find so many ppl go through what you do and we're all fine? we're all here for you!

-C

folla09

Kudos to you for making an appointment to get started with a therapist.  Even though you are feeling many physical sx of anxiety do force yourself to drink water or pedialyte if you are not eating a well balance diet.  Dehydration can cause you to feel anxious and lightheaded.

You did not mention any sx re your occasional low pulse. Your heart rate, or pulse, is the number of times your heart beats per minute. Normal heart rate varies from person to person.  As you age, changes in the rate and regularity of your pulse can change. You can easily reassure yourself by checking in with your Dr. to discuss your heart rate dropping into the 40's.  Wondering if you on any medications that may cause your pulse rate to be a bit slow?

Stick with us as support is tantamount to healing.

 

Kitt,

The pulse thng is relitively new mainly notice it at night (due to feeling like im going to stop breathing and the tigntness in my throat and neck i bought a pulse ox sensor to reassure myself im breathing fine and thats how i noticed it). I'm not on any meds. I googled it when i first noticed it was in the low 50s and i found noraml resting heart rate is 60-80 but can be lower with fitness, bit due to my anxiety i am not very active these days. I am going to bring this up among many other things at my appointment on wednesday.

S.C,

I am trying best to have faith that everything will be fine and that one day i will atleast feel somewhat like my old self, evem just a little. I am willing to fight for this so i can be a better mom for my 3 kids.

Thank you both for your encouraging words and i will let you know how my appointments go.

Folla,

I am so sorry that you had such a bad attack.:(

I am glad however, that you checked out fine, and that you got the help and reassurance that you needed at that time.

The Klonopin and the Ativan that you did take last night are in the samd Rx classification/family so if you found you liked the way that the Ativan calmed you...you will likely have the same experience with the Klonopin that you were prescribed.

I hope that you are still going to keep your regularly scheduled appointment with your doctor, so that you can discuss all of this with him/her as well. It is important to have your PCP updated on all of your current experiences.

Hang in there...like I said before, starting therapy and working with your doctor...and of course being part of a supportive group here, are all steps in the right direction!!

I hope that you are feeling much better today!

S.C.

Just wanted to give a quick update. I have offically started the clonazepam,but i take .25 mgs instead of the .5 they wanted me to take, they make me pretty drowsy And that doesn't go well having a 3 yr old home with me all day. I did see my dr lady Wednesday and of course everything is fine just anxiety causing problems so she prescribed me 20 mgs paxil. I took the first does of that last night and my oh my i have been tired almost all day, i have had to increase my caffeine intake the past few days but today was the worse, i actually took a nap and that is not normal for me and i still feel tired. I start my counseling next week one on one then possibly discuss also join a group session. But all in all i have been doing much better. I actually sat down with my family and ate dinner with them list night and the night before, i haven't done that in months Sri that is a tremendous step for me. Oh and i also stated working with a speech therapist to help with my eating problem, being afraid of cooking when eating or drinking, So far so good, but ive only been there twice so fast so hopefully it will continue to get better.