new member please i need a friend

So first of all my relationship with my kids dad just ended which has devastated me. He has custody of my boys and i have custody of my daughter so our family is getting split up.

so for the first few months of us getting back together after being apart for 6 years everything seemed perfect like we were in love. We always spent time together as a family. he came home every night after work we had sex everynight then about a month ago he started a new job and made friends and wanted us to go to a barbecue every week over there which I agreed but when we went I noticed everyone was getting drunk and we are in recovery so im sure you understand that if your an alcoholic you cant just control your drinking or just have one you gotta sustain from everything.

Well the first time they offered him liquor he said no but then the next time when were there he drank behind my back and from that day on everyday.He stopped showing me affection and started going to there house like everyday while id be home with the kids. I told him I didint think it was good for us to hangout there considering no one there was clean and sober but he didint care. Its like he stopped caring about us.

Then one night his friend held me in his room and was trying to block me from leaving and I told my man but he didint believe me. So I took my daughter and left but he wouldn't let me take my son with me home which I though was best since he was smashed. So I ended it with him.

What really suck is were all living with my parents till the end of the monthi want to spend as much time with my boys as i can before they move.when he moves into a house with the boys but me and my daughter will have no where to go so im working on that.

But its so hard for me to even be around him. My insecurities ruined our relationship and pushed him away to.

Ok so for along time now not often but once in awhile I start thinking people are trying to hurt me and everyones out to get me sometimes ill just pack all my stuff and leave i know its crazy I hate having these thoughts well Ive been thinking this way for the last week and that hes in on it. Ive been super emotional for awhile now, irritable, angry,sad,and today getting the stupid thought that im dying from some cancer or disease the doctors have missed.

 Ive been tested for so many things which have all been negative the only positive has been a very high rheuatoid factor so I was diagnosed with ra and have been on plaquenil for it. I also take adderall xr 30 mg 1 time a day its the only way i feel motivated to do anything. So Ive lost tons of weight in the last month and had diarehea for a month now I weighed 162 2 months ago now im at 133. and i know its not the adderall cause ive been on it over a year. im so tired of living like this thinking theres something wrong with me or people are out to get me. feeling so sad like no one loves me. then other times ill just get lots of energy and start cleaning. Could I be bi-polar?or is this stress related? Please someone tell me what they think.....so lost and dont know where to go now with my life other than I have to do whats best for my daughter and provide for her

<Edit>  broke your sentence down into paragraphs.

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 7/7/2014 10:03:09 AM (GMT-6)

hi jenna,

we will be your friends here. people will have suggestions to help you. you sound like you have multiple issues.

i have been in Al-Anon for over 20 years, I joined because of an alcoholic parent. If your ex has a drinking problem, I would suggest finding an Al-Anon meeting where you can get support and people will understand.

Also, you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else.

A trained psychiatrist is the best bet to find out if you are bipolar.

Best of luck to you, and much healing.

Love,
Rich

Hi Jenna,

I know what it's like to need a friend when you are going through a rough time and I want to say you have a friend in me and as you can see in others here as well. I know how it feels to feel like no one loves you. I can't say whether or not I think you're bi-polar but I'm hoping that you'll be able to see a doctor soon so they can determine if you're bi-polar or have another illness or if it is stress related. I know that stress can affect us in so many ways.

I wanted to say that I know it's devastating to have to end your relationship with your children's father but you did what was best for you and your children. You are also making a clear choice to stay sober and stay away from situations that might affect your sobriety. I think you are very strong and I think you are a very good Mom. You've said you want to do what's best for your daughter and provide for her. It sounds like you are making a lot of good and positive choices. You should be very proud of yourself, I'm very proud of you.

I hope you feel a little better knowing you do have friends here and you're not alone.

thankyou I seriously have no friends so hearing everyones comments really made me feel like people out there care. Ok so today was a better day I got a temporary restraining order against my x and I have temporary custody of the boys now. I want there dad in there life but not untill he gets treatment. I dont know if i mentioned this before but one of his friends gave my 9 year old alcohol and my kid came home puking and told me what happend that just tore me up. At least now they are safe. I found out today my x has been having affair just like he did 13 years ago. He was gonna come take the boys today and just move them in with some woman they dont know thats just not right. I really hope he gets help soon so he can be a part of there life. So I also made a doctors appointment for my self today and yes I will have 2 years clean and sober in september.So im at peace today that my kids are all with me but sad I had to take them from there dad but its not about my feelings its about whats best for these kids. Ive lost them before and just got them back almost 2 years ago thats why im so detrmined to keep pushing and give them the best life possible. So im getting anxiety again now that its night that im dying and its driving me crazy i gotta get outta my head and if i am bi polar I think the adderall could be making it worse. its weird i always get paranoid and lots of anxiety at night time. anyways thanks for listening and ill check in tomorrow im gonna play some call of duty on the xbox with my son that always makes me feel better

Hi Jenna,

I also get horrible anxiety at night, during the day it is easy to keep distracted but night time it seems to always come up and has a way of making you fixate on things. Anxiety, can be terrible. I get frequent panic attacks and feel like I am dying. I hate taking Xanax when they occur because it knocks me out, but sometimes it is the only thing that can help. I have found that finding something simple and to numb the mind can be very helpful. When I have panic attacks sometimes doing something as simple as coloring or flicking my arm with a rubber band can pull me out before it gets to the point where I spiral out of control.

I work in the mental health field and Bipolar and ADD/ADHD are commonly misdiagnosed for one another as the Mania can be very similar. Bipolar disorder is generally diagnosed when a individual is 18, if you are concerned I think one of the best things you can do is to meet with a psychiatrist and be honest and open about your symptoms and experiences. I found a wonderful mental health agency that has both a psychiatrist and therapist in the same facility, I found it helpful to have disciplines that interact with one another and think that therapy can really compliment the medication. CBT works wonders for many individuals who suffer from anxiety. Stay strong lady friend, I hope things work out for you