another hard day

i get up each morning and force myself to get ready for work. and the work day seems full of things that make me anxious.

there is a certain piece of work that i do each month. i haven't been given it so far this month, and it's making me crazy waiting for it. my boss expects perfection, which i don't usually achieve. so that whole thing is making me nuts.

then today we are to go out - my department - for a lunch to celebrate birthdays. nervous about there not being anything ii can eat with my denture, or that my denture will slip during the meal. even though that hasn't happened at any of the lunches i have been to.

our dog is somewhat better but i was hoping to see him back to his old self. just afraid he is not going to get better and will have to be put to sleep. it is hard being away from him all day, and then hoping so much when I come home that he is back to his old self.

i have a habit of waking up in the middle of the night and going outside to smoke. my sister told me yesterday that that makes her nervous. so last night i didn't do it. it was not that hard. just turn over in bed and go back to sleep.

i hate having to force myself through each day. even though mentally i know there are others who have to deal with this, i feel very alone. is this what my life was supposed to be like?

thanks for listening,
love, rich

Hi D.,

Your last line really struck a chord with me.:( I think that experiencing dissapointment, and when reality doesn't meet our expectations, are the hardest things to deal with as far as happiness goes.

However...the good news is that you are still in the game, and working towards your goals of recovery.

You can then expect that you will not be in this place forever. Look at how far you have come so far!

I see it. I read it in your posts. You are currently in a rough spot now...but everyone has those lows...

...and in general, I think that you have sounded stonger and more positive overall lately.;)

Keep telling yourself that you can handle anything coming your way at work, and that your lunch will be fine (with no incidents to dread), like it has previously.

Do not despair or give in my friend...you are on your way to good things.

Give your dear doggy a hug for us, and wish him well...I am sure that he will feel better soon.

S.C.