Anxiety feels its the worst it has EVER been! unreal feeling!

Hey guys!
okay, so I think i'm ready to get this off my chest and see if anybody can relate to me because at the moment I feel so alone. I have had anxiety for years and years now. It started off with bad ocd but developed into anxiety as I got older. It has most definitely been a roller coaster ride when I was younger it started with doing repitive things and worrying then I started getting full blown panic attacks now i'm 21 and I have anxiety all the time! I've been to numerous doctors and even the ER twice this past month (which was one of my biggest fears!) all the doctors keep re assuring me that everything is alright I have had my heart checked, had an ekg and even wore a haulter monitor for a week when I was younger, blood work done, and even x-rays and a ultrasound done. Everything has always came back good and the doctors always say i am healthy. I was feeling great after all that and was doing good me and my boyfriend had just moved into an apartment got a puppy and I just got offered another job but lately, everything has seemed to gone down hill i'm starting to have panic attacks everyday not even physical ones emotional ones which I feel are even worse. I cannot get my mind to ease up and stop over thinking and quit these obsessive thoughts I am getting. I randomly break down and cry during the day because I cant take it anymore. It's such bad panic that i've gone into a funk and it feels like everything around me is unreal and that I can't recognize myself in the mirror like I just have this floaty feeling and im just going through the motions but not really living. I sometimes feel lightheaded and just like spaced out kind of feeling. Sometimes I even question what I say or do like "why did I just do that?!" I am afraid I will lose my mind and go crazy and It is the most scariest feeling ever. Its affecting my life, my job, and I feel like i'm about to lose my boyfriend because he told me that I need to overcome this and that its affecting our relationship and I completely understand where hes coming from but I cant seem to put an end to this. I feel like i'm going to let it control my life. I feel so trapped in my head. It does feel a little better like when i'm with my friends or i'm out doing something its not bad but it's when i'm not doing anything my mind starts to go even more. I mean even when i'm not panicking i'm still thinking about it in the back of my mind but I think being bored just makes it even worse. It used to be a lot of physical feelings heart pounding, cant breathe, etc....but now its all mental. I have taken medicine before but always seemed to stop taking it because i don't want to be on medicine forever even though I feel i should again. ugh. I do have an as needed one that I take when I feel really bad though. Its hard to talk to people around me because they have never experienced any of this which makes me feel even worse they don't know what to say or do....which is understandable so i've come to this forum for help....for an answer or just to feel like i'm not alone and that there are other people out there who feel this way. Everything just seems so crazy right now! Anyone who feels like this or has some advice or anything PLEASE reply because I need to find something to help me cope with this. I just want to be myself again. Thanks Guys!

Hi Amanda,

I'm sorry you're dealing with this anxiety right now and feel so alone. I can truly relate to how you're feeling, I'm feeling the exact same way as I'm typing this so know that you are not alone in how you are feeling.

I know you feel like you're going to let it control your life, but you don't have to, I've made that mistake and I don't want you to make the same mistakes I have. You can learn how to control it and not let it control you but the catch is, its hard to do it alone and sometimes it simply cannot be done alone. We need to seek out professional support and talk with a therapist who will help us learn coping skills and sometimes not always we may need medication and if we do it's okay. It's no different from needing insulin when if you have diabetes you wouldn't think twice about taking medication for diabetes so don't think twice about taking medication for your anxiety if you need it. I've made the mistake of stopping my medication many times and it has never resulted in a good outcome. If you were prescribed it and you need it, I think you should take it so you can feel better.

I agree it is hard to talk to others who've never experienced this at times so you're also not alone in that, you do wonder if they'll understand and sometimes they don't know what to say. That's why it's good that you reached out on this forum that shows that you are strong and want to feel better.

I know you want to be yourself again and I think you will be yourself again you just need a little support.

I'm sending hugs your way in case you need them.