Preoccupied with death

Thank you all for this website.
I'm 78 yr old. Last year I got rxed with radiation for Pr ca. I'm doing well, PSA 1.5 recently. I also have paroxysmal AFib. I get an episode of this every 3-4 mos. I take 4 Flecainide tabs and a few hours later the arrythmia is gone.
I also have GERD (Omeprazole) for years. I'm also an anxious person and have had about 3-4 panic attacks. I used to be a general pediatrician, retired recently. I had a lot of stress during 30+ years in this job.
I am very atheist and therefore no heaven for me :-(. For me it's "dust to dust".
During the day generally I'm OK as I'm a very busy person (family, piano, languages, tennis or YMCA, travel, etc).During the nite though, I fall asleep about 11:00 or so (love to watch Bill O'Reilly + Jimmy Fallon), then I invariably wake up about 3-4 am to pee but then, back in bed I start thinking about things, among them death...Most of the times I can't fall asleep again. In those nites I go ahead and take 1/2 of a .5 mgm tablet of Alprazolam (a meager dose but does the trick)
I recently started seeing a psychologist. Nothing to report yet. Of course, she tells me to enjoy every day, and I do, but like I said, at nite.
I should explain that the reason I fear death is that I don't want to die. I love life...! I suffer thinking that I won't be able to see my granddaughter grow up. That I won't be able to see the many scientific discoveries and advancements of science, a man on Mars, the end of wars (?), the cure of Alzheimer's disease, cancer, etc.
I probably am wasting your time, guys. However, it makes me good to open up with this problem...
Thanx!

Oh goodness, you are not wasting our time, your time, or anyone else's. That's why we're here,--in the capacity of a support forum. Support without judgment.

In my opinion, whether you have a religion or don't,....the more important thing is: You are a human being, with feelings, concerns, consciousness.

My Husband has pondered some of the same things you bring up,....that in his lifetime he'd like to see advancements in the space program (well, technically, to *have* one and thus, advances)....

I think that it's human nature to be curious and what you're expressing is simply that: Hubby's often made comments along the line of -- "Taking chances is what makes us human."

And he's right. This familiar fascination and wonder and not wanting to miss out on adventures fuels so many of the scientific and medical breakthroughs! :)









M.

I'm only 35, and sometimes I think about it too. Three years ago, shortly after I was diagnosed with Crohn's I was put on a med that made me deathly ill. Septic Shock, Kidney failure, my troponin levels were off which means my heart was probably next. I remember my wife wheeling me into the ER and the look on the nurses face when my BP read 77/45. I also remember the look a young doctor gave me when I was in the ER bed.

Another ER doc told my wife I would have likely died in two days.

My first night in ICU I was laying in bed and I felt fingers brush across my abdomen, I don't know if it was my brain playing tricks on me or if there was someone watching over me. We don't share the same beliefs, but that experience certainly made me more aware of my mortality and the fact that I shouldn't worry.

Of course it isn't that easy, that experience left me hyper-aware of my body and now when I get sick or feel off I become afraid that it's serious, afraid of dying too young I've been with my wife since we were 16, and I have an amazing 10 year old daughter. I'm not ready to leave them. But at the same time I believe in God and in life after death, so I shouldn't be so afraid.

It's tough. It's good to know that at your age you still love life, you should remind yourself of that, and hopefully it helps.

Thank you to all.
I began reading this book: "Staring at the Sun", Overcoming the terror of death.
So far so good.
I've also started meditating...
Scaredy Cat: thank you for your recommendation above. I checked some reviews and weren't that good. I'll think about it and decide later.
Another book I'm considering is Feeling Good, by David Burns.
Again, thank you'll!
P.S.: Reading some of the comments to my post, I feel pretty bad because like one of you said, I'm so lucky to be still alive and fairly well physically and mentally.
My heart goes out to all who suffer so much!!
LOVE!

I understand what you mean. I honestly think death is something many people fear whether they believe in God or not. The good news is that Heaven does exist and you will be there whether you believe in it or not. That said, I totally get your point, and I think people with anxiety especially may think about death more as the dreaded symptoms can lead one to feel like that's what will happen and soon. I'm a few days shy of 51 and don't fear death itself, but fear leaving behind my family and my precious baby grandsons. Like you, I want to see my grandchildren grow up. Try to live in each moment that you have, especially with your granddaughter. Death is inevitable, so enjoy the precious time you do have while you have it.

I've come to an understanding that it may not be Death itself which people fear, but the process of ageing and what that represents and entails....

Food for thought?







M.

Locolindo & to the rest of you with similar worries: Don't feel any hopelessness or despair. Know always that directly or indirectly, there are people that love you and think about and worry about you so while death is something that is a normal part of life, live in the moment and remember all those people out there that care about you. Chin up and focus on all of the caring and love these people have for you!