Wondering About Myself Lately....

Gee, I feel so utterly self-centered lately with all these "me, me, me" posts!! But I guess I have no one else to talk to that will understand like you guys do...at least not with the same amount of empathy anyhow!
I've been seeming to find it harder to really take in what my Mom is saying to me a lot lately. Sometimes I think I do not hear her that well, but mostly, I THINK I'm listening, but I'm actually not! (We live together and always have). I'm having more "senior moments"
too.
I take gababentin which can affect the memory and OF COURSE, I've been changed to prozac now. I do not know if these have anything to do with my problems or not.
I'm still not where I need to be as far as the anxiety level is concerned. Once I got stabilized on the paxil and the zoloft back in the day, I seldom ever thought about being anxious. I haven't reached that level yet and I'm a bit worried that I
won't.
I've also been realizing more and more just how homely I am. I know that looks aren't that important, but lately, I'm almost embarrassed at myself. I don't wear makeup as often as I used to b/c it makes little difference. I also feel like I'm getting fatter by the minute. I am afraid to go back on my adipex for appetite control b/c it can make you jittery and I can't risk that right now. I'd rather weigh 500 lbs. than be anxious!
I'm a mess, I know. My Mom can't stand for me to say anything negative about myself. She thinks I'm just "putting myself down".
Well, I'm sorry for the sob fest...but I am telling the truth about how I feel lately.
janet

I think when we are feeling badly, we see ourselves as such. We are much more critical about our appearance. When it comes down to it, we have to realize it is what is inside that counts. I am a firm believer that our bodies are basically just a shell over what we really are.

But beauty is only skin deep. And as I said, when we are depressed, we see ourselves as ugly. When in reality, we are not. Also beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Different people find different things appealing. We all have good qualities and we all have flaws.

I go beyond appearance. I like what is inside a person. Personally I like kind people. And people who like animals.

Hugs, Karen...

I apologize for writing a self-pity post. It won't happen again.
jl

My Anxiety Life said...
Nooo this is the place for that! No one minds. We understand.

:)

So this forum is where we can all come and feel sorry for ourselves, or at least, be told that we are just doing that, because no one minds. Well isn't that nice. But I'd rather not. Thank you anyhow.
jl

I understand as well I'm sitting here stuffing my face with doritos feeling blah. Ugh, I hope tomorrow is better.

Well, someone had posted in this thread, (that post has since been removed, but not by me), that they had started to write a "feel sorry for myself" post, but decided against it and were glad they did, but it was okay for me to do so....I was quite surprised! First she is all righteous about not doing the "self-pity" thing and then turning around and giving me permission to do so and such, it was too much to swallow, to tell you the truth.
How can we feel free to open up about our innermost feelings if we are basically going to be told that we are only feeling sorry for ourselves? Doesn't that trivialize legitimate emotions? I'm not trying to say that I NEVER feel sorry for myself! Heck yes, I do! But what I was saying about my memory problems and concentration problems had nothing to do with personal perceptions of myself. Then, as regards my physical looks, I was not speaking of the typical "I'm not pretty" stuff. Seriously, I have gotten to the point where I hate to see myself in the mirror, even when I have makeup on. That had nothing to do with my size.
Then with my weight, I am afraid that the new AD may be making me gain weight faster and I can't take my adipex right now.
But everything I said was construed as a typical "Boo-hoo-poor-me" post by that person and so by that member's remarks, I am now leery of everything I may say.
Oh, one more thing, the "mother subject" didn't come up at all until AFTER that member made her remarks.
Anyhow, so here I am, explaining myself again.
THANK YOU to ALL that made up-building supportive remarks! Those are GREATLY appreciated!!
janet

lgm1942 said...
Janet, just talk to us like we were some one you love and know
that you are loved back, because that's how it is kid, we just
love you. Next time you look in that mirror remember, there's
a heart in that girl in the looking glass and She is certainly
worthwhile, We Love Her! Peace

Larry ***

Thank you Larry.
That does make me feel better!
janet

My Anxiety Life said...
What I said was:

I was going to write a feel sorry for myself post too, but instead decided not to, but we support you

... type of post.

BECAUSE I didn't want to turn it into a 'me me me' post.

jantlee you read my post completely wrong. It was supportive. That's all I have been here, is supportive.

If I am going to be attacked for supporting people, then yes, I decided this wasn't a "safe" place to post, and removed some personal info I posted about myself including the post here. I don't want such personal info about me "out in the open" anymore to be attacked.

It STILL reads the way I said from the beginning. Go back and re-read it : "I was going to write a feel sorry post for myself too, but decided against it".

Making the post about ME might seem self-centered maybe, but that's not the same as "feeling sorry for myself". Anyway, who else am I going to write about most of the time?
I'm not insisting that you intentionally set out to make it sound the way it did nor that you meant it the way it came out. However, I could only go by what it actually said and not know what you actually meant.
Everyone here, including you, are sensitive individuals with many issues. We do not get to hear each others' tone of voice, see the facial expressions or the body language when statements are made, so it goes to reason that there are going to be misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Emoticons do not make up for the real thing!
Anyhow, as far as I'm concerned, this is one of those unfortunate things that happened. You ARE a good caring person and we are BOTH sensitive people who get our feelings hurt easily! And they did!
So I hope that we can move on past this and not let it mess up a wonderful forum for us! After all, is it really our faults that we are so darn sensitive?!?
jl