feeling so sad and hopeless

I am new here. I woke up with such sadness, loneliness,and dread. I did not sleep well. I do not have a partner or children . I have my beloved dogs that mean everything to me. My mom , who I am very close to, lives on the other coast. I do have good friends but more than anything, I want a partner to walk through life with. and that feels so far away, impossible really. I am so riddled with anxiety and childhood wounds- who would love and accept me?
I have been on a spiritual path for many years. I have done and continue to do therapy. and I still sit here, in immense pain. Walking through life alone, without a family, is very hard. I see couples out in the world- and I imagine what it must be like to have someone to share your pain and worries with, someone who loves you no matter how anxious you are. someone who wants the best for you, your healing.
I am scared of living the rest of my life alone. I am scared of shouldering all of this hard life on my own.
I am 45 and think of myself as a good woman ( under the anxiety) and yet, I have not had a boyfriend in 5 years. I have never been married. If I met someone, how would I tell them about my anxiety? they would want to run when they saw the depth of it!

I feel so sad today. I feel so alone. My dogs give me so much unconditional love and they are my family.yet I want a partner too. I want a teammate. I want a best friend. He seems so very far away.

Thank you for listening

Hi presencegirl.,

Do you know what I see from reading your post?

Someone who is intelligent, self-motivated, kind, someone who knows herself and her worth, someone who can express herself...

...basically a catch and a half!!

You are going to be so well prepared when you do find your soul mate...that you are sure to have a great foundation...because you know what you want, and have waited until you are ready.

So many people don't...and end up with a string of broken relationships.:(

I wish you much patience while you wait. Going out and getting involved with clubs/groups of your interests will help you to meet others.:) Church singles groups, even orginazations like Events and Adventures are worth a shot? The point is to get out there!

Keep posting with us, and we will keep you in support!

S.C.

Aren't you the lady who owns two businesses? I think I remember reading your intro.
You are an intelligent successful independent business woman. Women who are financially and emotionally dependent will appear more vulnerable and emotional than women who are independent. Some men find women with that 'vulnerability' easier to approach. Dependent women are more likely to open up about their fears and weaknesses whereas independent women have a tendency to hide their weaknesses. I think you've been so busy working hard to be a successful business owner and become financially independent, you never really had a chance to nurture a relationship with that man who is supportive of your career/business and understands you have a sensitive, feminine side too. Like SC said, you need to get out there, socialize and meet different people to eventually find that perfect soul mate (alpha male or omega male...whichever you prefer. ) :D

Wow, some great advice from everyone! I also want to thank you presencegirl for the advice you gave me on coping with anxiety and running a business, big help!

SC is right, you sound like an amazing catch for someone. Your patience will pay off and you will find a wonderful man!

In the meantime you will find all the support that you need on here with your friends!

Girlllll- I have been there before. Except I wasn't a successful business owner. I was a social worker living on a paupers salary when I met my husband in 2003. I was also living with my parents!!

I lived in a small town. I was social and went out but there were no quality men and the ones that were, were married or taken. Or gay. (LOL).

I have anxiety too. What I did though, bc I could do it safely from home, was to join a dating website. With these sites, you can email back & forth and get to know eachother before ever meeting (or not meeting, the ball is in YOUR court)! I am plump and was insecure that no one would want me. WRONG! I had many quality men pursue me on the site (and they weren't chubby chasers LOLOLOL).

I corresponded with several men. I met a few. Dated a few times but then it'd fizzle out. Then I met who would be my future husband. I abt dropped him like he was hot bc he showed up w/overgrown hair (his pics he'd posted on profile were accurate) but he failed to get a haircut before meeting or wear a decent outfit. He was a bachelor and hadn't had a gf for several years and apparently was living under a rock? LOL. It was bad LOL. But I'm kind and we went out to dinner. (I was anxious, btw, the whole time, but don't recall telling him that).

Long story short, he kept asking me out & I had no one else at the time so I kept going out with him. (And we went shopping and got him some decent clothes & haircut LOL). 4? months into meeting him, we fell in love! We married the next year. Everyone loves him and he treats me like gold. I am lucky but I'm not an exception to any rule!

Point is, I am certain I didn't tell him abt anxiety or depression bc when we met, I was still in the 12 yr stretch that I wasn't on meds or had major issues with anxiety or depression. The first time he saw it was 4 yrs after we married. He was fine! I kept apologizing and he said please stop apologizing bc I wasn't doing anything wrong. He 100% supported me.

This year, the depression and anxiety presented itself again and I've been trying to find the right meds to get into remission, since February. Needless to say, this has been my most challenging bout of this crap ever. Hubby again, supportive. Not therapist or girlfriend supportive bc he's a systems analyst and doesn't get "psycho babble", but supportive nonetheless. If I was doing a dating site now like you, I'd not hesitate to talk abt your issues (not the first convo lol), bc either someone will like me as I am or they can take a hike. NEXT!

You'd be surprised who A) either wouldn't care &/or B) who's been through it with a former wife or gf & would either run or be like "oh yeah, I know what that is & don't care, I'm intersted in getting to know you better."

I'm sorry for writing a book here but my point is, if you'd like to meet a partner, there are many options and the sky is the limit, revealing your anxiety or not.

Hugs!!!!

Lisa

Wonderful story LS...thank you so much for sharing it!! I LOVE me a good love story, and smiled through the whole thing.:) Happy for you!

S.C.

Lisa

Thanks for sharing! Good for you, girl! You're an inspiration to everyone who has anxiety and is looking for love! Love to hear stories like this!