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Anyone else have phone anxiety?

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Posted 10/3/2014 11:33 AM (GMT 0)
I literally cannot talk on the phone except to my husband, I get anxiety bad. It all started three years ago when my mother and sister broke my heart by breaking any trust I had in them. I spoke my peace and was bombarded with nasty phone messages and texts, it caused me so much stress I came down with shingles and had to stop all contact with them. Since last Feb. I have decided to let go and let God and let them back in my life, but with boundaries that I have learned. But now I have extreme phone anxiety and cannot get myself to call my mother except via texts. I also seem to have problems with other family members like my brother, they make fun of me and I don't know how to explain to them. Yesterday I texted my mother and told her I have bad anxiety again plus phone anxiety and she just ignore me. I also told one of my brothers and he made fun of me on facebook.

I would also like to add that as some of you know I care for my adult very handicapped son. It is hard for me to go the 45 minutes to visit my mom and dad but I have many times in the past, I have explained to my mother that it would be easier for her to come see me, cause she hasn't been to my house in over 4 yrs. But she nor my dad will come to my house, she always has excuses. That also hurts me. Sorry for the rant.

Posted 10/3/2014 11:50 AM (GMT 0)
Deb,
I am so sorry for the situation you are in. It is so hard not to have supportive people in your life, especially when it your own family. To me, it sounds like you are a brave and strong woman. I think you are doing all you can. And what a big heart you have to let them back into your life. I wish the best for you.
Posted 10/3/2014 12:03 PM (GMT 0)
I know we have had several posts here recently about phone anxiety as well. I know that I started one too.

Can't be tied to a phone, puts me on the spot, makes me present even more anxious.




M.
Posted 10/3/2014 2:23 PM (GMT 0)
D.S.

I am sending my love and support in regards to your family dynamic.

It sounds heartbreaking, and I can understand how this could cause you anxiety!

I am very sorry, and want you to know that we care and understand. Family difficulties are very hard.:(

With compassion,

S.C.
Posted 10/3/2014 5:42 PM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry to hear about your struggle with your family. I have experience in that area too. It seems to be the hardest to deal with and understand because it's your family.
I never noticed it was anxiety, but I hate talking on the phone because I feel like I'm trapped. Everyone knows don't call me, just text :)
I hope you and your family the best. Just keep being strong and everything will fall into place.
Posted 10/3/2014 5:56 PM (GMT 0)
Deb

My heart goes out to you. I can relate with your story. My mother hardly ever visits me either and she lives only 5 minutes away. I have two sisters and she has always shown them more attention. And every time I talked to her on the phone she would give me guilt trips and try to tell me how to run my life. Each time I would hang up the phone feeling very upset. All that I ever wanted in life is her approval.

Your mom and brothers and sisters should be more understanding. But you can't control what they do. You can just control what you do and how you react. Unfortunately, I had to distance myself to keep my sanity and to keep my anxiety at bay.

Phone anxiety is the worst! I own a business and get a thousand calls a day. Every time someone calls me and I hear that annoying buzz from my phone, my anxiety shots through the roof. It has gotten so bad that I just automatically hit the decline button no matter who it is. I know I need to get passed this but it's difficult. I have reached the end of my rope. You're not alone.

Keep your head up and know that you are loved!
Posted 10/3/2014 6:21 PM (GMT 0)
Sorry to hear your situation..I totally get it, I am the same on the phone. The best advice I can give you is to explain that you really cant leave the house because of your responsibilities and that you would love to see them and could they possibly come over...anyway you sound like a lovely person and so i wouldn't let them upset you.
Posted 10/3/2014 7:56 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you all for the support, I didn't realize their were others who dread the phone when it rings.
Posted 10/3/2014 10:26 PM (GMT 0)

I’m sorry that you’ve had a hard time with anxiety the past few years. Navigating through that is never easy. I don’t know what your beliefs are, but you mentioned God in your post so I thought this next question might be applicable. Have you been able to forgive your family for breaking your trust? Not to negate that your family has hurt you, but I wonder if one of the ways they show you they care about you and love you is through humor? Sometimes people can take it too far and not realize it. Also, maybe the reason your mother didn’t respond was because she didn’t know what to say or didn’t know how to respond?  

If you’re interested there is a great article I’ve read on managing anxiety. It’s helped me personally. I thought you might like to take a look at it? Keep taking those steps forward!

teedaalee

Posted 10/4/2014 12:20 AM (GMT 0)
Deb,
If Mom can't come to see you in person and you have a handicapped child to care for, then you most certainly need not feel bad for not being able to talk on the phone with her! Your anxiety/phobia is real and NOT a joke! I somehow imagine that her excuses are mostly lame...anyhow, you just have to be true to yourself. It is not as if you are lying to get out of talking!
I can talk on the phone, but do not enjoy it too much like I once did. I feel like I have to carry the load of keeping the conversation going all the time and it is exhausting!
janet
Posted 10/4/2014 1:30 AM (GMT 0)
I don't have trouble speaking on the phone but when it rings I always expect the worst news is on the other end?????
Posted 10/4/2014 1:24 PM (GMT 0)
teedaalee, my mom and siter broke my trust because they lied about things I said to each one and talked to others behind my back and even though I tryed to defend myself I was told that I was the one causing all the problems. I have forgiven them but with huge boundaries now. There was no humor on their end just guilt and lies and manipulation.
Posted 10/4/2014 1:33 PM (GMT 0)
janetlee, my mother texts me all the time or leaves voice messages about how much she misses me and why don't I come see her. In the past I visited her many many times, but now that my son goes to an adult program during the week for about four hours, I can't visit my mother as much as I used to. I have explained this to her so many times Im blue in the face. I have told her that it would be much easier if she could come to my house and then we could spend more time together. Her excuses are, she doesn't have gas money, she doesn't drive far (45 min) anymore that my dad takes her. I said, "well than why don't you and dad come see us? " Her excuse was , we dont go anywhere anymore. Thats not true because they visit my brother and his wife three states away.  For over 4 yrs I have been asking my mother to come to my house and the other day she says, " you never ask us to come see you".  My therapy has been all about dealing with my mother and boundaries, she is a huge anxiety booster to me. I simply have a very hard time dealing with her self centered behavior and drama. I love her and feel so very guilty about this.
Posted 10/4/2014 5:46 PM (GMT 0)
Deb,
It sounds like you and mom are at an impasse. If she triggers your anxiety, perhaps it is better that you see little of her anyhow.
Texting is better than nothing. If she continues to ask you WHY you don't come to see her, you can tell her that you've explained that already and nothing has changed since the last time. Then try to leave it at that. I know you have to get tired of beating the same dead horse!
HUGS!
janet
Posted 10/4/2014 8:17 PM (GMT 0)
janet your right it is like trying to killl a dead horse. Thanks
Posted 10/4/2014 9:09 PM (GMT 0)
Ooooh. Don't let the guilt trip start, because when that train starts rolling, it's a very hard machine to put the brakes on!!

We, collectively, as in all of us who suffer with anxiety and are sensitive souls to begin with, (myself so definitely included!)....need to remind ourselves that we are adults, we don't owe anyone any specific information or explanations. We aren't required to provide reasons or answers to anyone but our conscience and God (for those who believe).

Learning to say 'no' without feeling the need to debate and discuss is a skill I'm also working on. We can become defensive and find ourselves either excusing our genuine behaviour or making all kinds of excuses and explanations that aren't warranted.

Sometimes the answer is simply: "No." ................................(followed by silence).





M.
Posted 10/4/2014 10:08 PM (GMT 0)
I hope to God I don't ever lay guilt trips on my adult children!!!! I swear I will do my best to catch myself before I do. I never want to put them thru the guilt I've suffered!
Posted 10/4/2014 10:28 PM (GMT 0)
Phone calls for appointments .........eeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkk i just hate them ,pure and simple .

the dates ,times,days ,so many q and i have to adjust around docs and not them ..

frustrating and evil ....thats why i avoid docs(including nurses) but can't survive without them in life.
Posted 10/5/2014 12:59 PM (GMT 0)
cilly, I also get very very nervous making doctor appointments.
Posted 10/5/2014 5:29 PM (GMT 0)
Making phone calls is very difficult for me.  The longer I wait and think about making them the worse my anxiety gets.  Just the other day I had to call the doctor.  I felt worse and worse until I realized I was almost out of time to make the call.  I panicked, picked up the phone and dialed without thinking.  The less I think the easier the call is to make. 

Caller ID is my friend.  I never answer the phone unless I know who it is.  Even knowing who it is I feel anxious answering the phone.

I need to remember to take deep breathes prior to making or answering calls.  Breathing and not thinking about the call helps the most 

Posted 10/6/2014 9:36 PM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry that to hear you had to go through that :(.
Posted 10/6/2014 11:32 PM (GMT 0)
I have trouble with phone anxiety as well. My anxiety shoots through the roof whenever I need to make a call or I receive one. Every time I see a number I don't recognize it freaks me out and I refuse to pick up, which my husband often complained about. My anxiety is largely tied with a fear of not measuring up and I feel that phone calls are putting a person on the spot. Text or email is always better for my anxiety and I'm much more likely to respond. I hope the situation improves for you.
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