My sleeping, does this mean anything?

I've mentioned before that I've always had insomnia even as a child. Since this horrible bout of anxiety started I had been able to go to sleep by nine o'clock and sleep all night. This was so odd to me because the episode that kicked all this off was an attack that woke me from sleep. One would assume that I would be too anxious to go to sleep at night then but I haven't.

On my very worst days I would count down the hours till bedtime so looking forward to the time that I could shut my brain off so to speak and just not feel. I was too scared to just lay quietly and go to sleep so I would listen to all kinds of podcasts with my earbuds on my phone. I would always fall asleep and stay asleep. The next day I would be well rested in the morning and be able to stay awake all day with no trouble. This was huge for me because normally if did sleep I always woke up feeling so tired. Then I would end up falling asleep during the day which would make it harder for me to go to sleep again the next night. I also drank a ton of diet soda with caffiene so I'm sure that wasn't helping at all (I've given it up since this started.)

So I noticed for the first time about three nights ago that I wasn't instantly tired at bedtime. I am a total night owl so it has been so strange for me to actually be tired before nine o'clock but it was getting nice. Then one night I lay there listening to the podcasts instead of falling asleep. I didn't feel anxious I just
really felt like I wasn't tired. I wanted to get up and do school work or something but I have been so not wanting to mess up the best stretch of sleeping I've had in my entire life. So I just waited. Eventually I feel asleep but much later. The next night was the same thing, I ended up surfing the net on my phone and similar the next night.

I don't know if this sounds weird but I'm wondering if me not going right to sleep at night is maybe a sign that I'm getting back to my "normal" self. Before I was going to bed out of sheer mental and physical exhaustion. It was so unlike me to be able to sleep like that but I am so thankful because without that quality sleep and escape I don't know how I would've managed. If I had tried to live on the lack of sleep I normally have I don't know what would've happened. It's like my body took over and knew it had to sleep and just did. So maybe now things aren't so bad and I'm starting to feel more normal again?

Also yesterday and today I noticed that I was sleepy during the day like I normally am. Yesterday I fought it because I didn't want to mess up this sleep cycle I have going. Today though after I posted about my worry over my son and best friend I let it go and took a nap on the couch. I feel much better after that but do wonder how it will affect my sleep.

Am I just goofy by thinking maybe this is connected at all with me turning a corner? Don't get me wrong I don't want to be an insomniac again but it is kind of a good feeling to not be so desperate to "turn off" at night.

Lol, I know it's reaching a bit isn't it? I guess it was just the first thing I thought of, how it felt so much more normal for me than my early bedtime. We will see I guess!

I have never been consistent in my entire life besides this past month. I'm normally up until at least two am and often times til morning. I never went to bed this early even as a child. It's been really nice I have to admit.

Hi Freebutterfly and welcome to the A/P forum!

Good to see you responding here! I hope that you find this to be a place of good information and support for dealing with anxiety managment.:)

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Talk to you soon,

Scaredy Cat

Billy- I have been thinking the SAME thing myself with my sleep! By the grace of God, I have slept great and by 11pm almost this whole year (I've been struggling since mid Feb- struggle has been off & on before anyone freaks out lol, it hasn't been everyday or 24/7). Still praying for consistency and part is finding the right med/dosage, the other part is time in healing the loss of my only 3 friends moving away (one was bff).

Anyway, my history is insomnia too. I could easily be up until 3am, awake at 7am when hubby gets up, nap in afternoon, rinse-repeat. I napped like everyday for years? I've maybe napped 10 times since February- I guess bc I've been going to bed by 11 & sleeping 7-8 hrs!

It's interesting that during our struggle we have been able to sleep. Now I've noticed I've been staying up later again, sometimes til 1:30am & sleeping through hubby getting up. Awakening around 8-8:30am. No way could I have just been putzing around late at night not so long ago, (forums, phone games, tv) bc my anxiety was so high & I hated to feel alone after hubby went to bed. Sleeping was the most peace I'd get.

So yeah, things that make you go "hmmm." I think it's that we are slowly but surely getting back to our old selves... That's what I'm sticking with anyway 😜

Sending love-
Lisa