Back to Zoloft I go... Is this normal? I can't even remember

Hi all,

I'm definitely not new to the forum, and not new to Zoloft either. BUT.... I'm not sure if it's just been so long since I've taken it (this is my 5th time on it), or if I just can't tolerate it anymore, but I'm not remembering my start up side effects being this bad.

I have been on xanax .5 three times a day for over 2 years now, and that's the only thing I've been taking. I know.... stupid decision seeing as how I suffer from PTSD, Panic Disorder w/Agoraphobia, GAD, OCD, and MDD (among other non mental health issues).

Everything was going fine, it seemed, until I lost my dad in August from Pancreatic Cancer. Since finding out the diagnosis on June 26th, up until the day he died, August 14th, I've been in such a depression.

I finally realized that I was pushing people away, including my husband. He took the brunt of it all, I was literally pulling away from him for some reason. I started withdrawing from family and friends, and realized that I could NOT pull myself out of the depression by myself this time. I definitely needed help.

So, I went for my trusty Zoloft. It has never let me down. But last time I took it, I remember feeling NO start up side effects at all. They had increased me to 200mgs and that still wasn't working without my xanax, so I tried Lexapro for 5 months. Needless to say...25 lbs later, I went off of it. That was like a year ago.

Now here I am again, been taking 25 mgs of Zoloft for 11 days now. My anxiety was fine in the first 3 days, but after that all hell broke loose. I've been very anxious, almost to the point of panicking, haven't left the house for a week now, and have been taking an extra xanax a day to help me through.

I'm not remembering if this is all normal now since being off of it for so long. Is it not going to work this time? I'm trying to stay positive, because I've had a sense of my mood lifting from the depression, but the anxiety is bad!

I was supposed to go up to 50 mgs after a week, but on the 4th day is when my anxiety started getting worse, then the 5th day I felt ok, and then after that it's been nothing but increased anxiety again.

I'm not sure what to do at this point. I was trying to find some of my old posts that answered questions for people in my position now, to see what advice I gave them, but it doesn't go back that far. Not sure if I should jut stay on and ride it out, or go off, before I go any farther and have to experience the nasty withdrawals that I have no problem remembering...

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks guys!
(((hugs))) Fox

Thank you Lisa!

It was a very hard thing for me to go through, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. We were told he had 3-6 months, and 49 days later, he was gone. He fell, and started his downward spiral, the morning of my birthday. I sat with him every day for 8 days, and even spent a few night with my mom at the house. I spent the night, and was there the morning he died. I was the one who discovered he stopped breathing... I'm having a very hard time coming to terms with this.

This year has been absolutely horrible for me and everyone I know. My uncle passed away in March from Multiple Myeloma, and then 5 months later, it was my dad.

Not including my dad, there have been 8 other people that I know that have passed away within a 2 month time period. One of them being my dad's cousin (lung cancer). My old boss, whom I loved dearly (stroke). A friends aunt and uncle (they were sister and brother) within a week of each other. Another friend who's grandparents both died 9 days apart. My cousin's uncle (motorcycle accident). And finally my son's friend who had cancer also.

Then we come to find out that another cousin of my dad's, who lives in Mississippi, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, but they caught it early enough (hopefully) because they were able to perform whipple surgery on him and he will be going through a series of chemo and radiation. Praying he'll be ok. Plus, his daughter has Hodgkins Lymphoma, and she just finished her last round of chemo like 2 weeks ago. So YAY for Tara!!! Praying she'll be ok too! She has 3 kids that need their momma.

It's just been crazy! One thing after another...And now all of this news about my dear friend Kitt. It's VERY depressing.

All I know is next year HAS TO be better!

And as I'm sitting here reading this, I'm thinking to myself.... "no wonder you're anxiety and depression are crazy right now!"

I don't know... I guess I'll give it a little more time. No wonder it's taking so long!

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent... I needed to get that out.

(((hugs))) Fox

S.C.! Thank you for just "popping in"! I have missed you guys too!

There's just been so much going on that I put myself in my little bubble. I have a tendency to do that, so please forgive me for being away so long again.

I've been trying so hard to pull myself out of this, but I just can't this time. I know I said I wouldn't go back to an SSRI, but at this point, my depression is taking over and I feel I have no other choice.

I'm just praying these side effects go away soon. I'd hate to have invested this much time again, to only have it not work.

I hope you are doing well my friend! I will try and touch base as much as I can. I may not be much for giving any advice right now, but I'll try.

Much love to you!

(((Hugs))) Fox

Thank you so much for the kind words Lisa. It really does help in times like these. I'm just trying to hang in there on this med and hope to God it helps me again.

I'm feeling quite anxious at the moment, but like I said, I'm trying to ride it out. It's tough when you just want to throw in the towel, but at the same time have hope that the light at the end of the tunnel is right around the corner. I'm gonna give it a few more days and see what happens.

I thank God for ALL of you on this forum. It really helps to talk to someone who REALLY knows exactly how you are feeling, and doesn't try to tell you to "just get over it" or "life goes on".

I know that life goes on, but it's very hard to do that when you just can't seem to let go yet. And if only it were that easy to "just get over it".... Wouldn't we all?

Thanks again!

(((hugs))) Fox