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Posted 10/28/2014 11:52 AM (GMT 0)
I'm so unhappy right now. I've been waking up every morning with terrible anxiety and today is extra bad. I'm having shooting pains in one spot on my head and its freaking me out. I know it's probably from the way I slept or a pinched nerve sending pain to that particular spot, but it's still scaring me. I don't want to take my son to baby gym class and I don't want to go to this Pilates class with my neighbor tonight. I wanna stay home with my baby and with my husband and feel safe. I'm sick of taking xanax. Why am I waking up every single freaking morning with this anxiety?! This never used to happen! Is there a way to ease this morning anxiety??

I feel like I could just sit around and cry all day.

I'm getting extra scared because my mom, who is my safe person and lives nearby, is leaving in two months to go to Florida until April 1st!! I feel like I'll have no one and I'm terrified. She lives so close and has helped me so much and I'm so scared....

It's just gonna be a rough day today; I can tell.
Posted 10/28/2014 12:23 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Park 12! Sorry that you have to go through this every morning. I can imagine how stressed out you must be about your mom leaving. Is there someone else who you can lean on for support when your mom is gone? I don't really have any advice for you Park 12 but I am thinking of you. All I can say is you are not alone. We are all here for you. Cry as much as you need to. It helps a bit. Hope you feel better soon.
Posted 10/28/2014 12:43 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Charmy. I do have friends in the area, but no one I feel I can count on in those times of terror. My mom has really been here for me and she makes me feel safe. My husband doesn't work far, which I'm thankful for, but he also doesn't get how I'm feeling when panic sets in. I just wish I didn't have this feeling of doom hanging over me.

And these head pains....guess who just went against everything she knows and spent 30 minutes reading about aneurysms....I'm such a foolish woman.
Posted 10/28/2014 12:47 PM (GMT 0)
Park,

I feel for you girl. I have no idea why morning anxiety happens, but I know a lot of times it can ruin your day:( I agree with Charmy, cry if you need to cry. Release some emotion and frustration.

I low this seems impossible, but try not to worry about your mom leaving. At least not today. Two months is a long time away. I'm sure you will be well on your way to recovery by the time she leaves, so no need to worry. But I do know what you mean about your mom being your safe person. My mom has been my rock through this, even more than my husband. Moms are the best:)
Posted 10/28/2014 1:06 PM (GMT 0)
I also have morning anxiety. It is exhausting. I go to bed feeling pretty good but wake up very anxious. I have a meditation video to listen to. When I have time, I walk. I blow into a balloon. the deep breathing helps to calm me. Just knowing that the anxiety will fade later in the day is a comfort. Find a physical therapist who does cranial sacral work. That should help the pain in your neck. If you r mom is leaving, remember, she is just a phone call away. I envy you having that close relationship. I was having a bad day on Saturday and I called her but she had a train to catch to have lunch with friends so she couldn't talk.
Posted 10/28/2014 1:08 PM (GMT 0)
I hear what you saying Park 12. I know it must be awful not to have anyone that you really can rely on in your rough times. One thing that I've learnt is that many times when I've gone through very bad times in my life, when I look back I realise that I am stronger than what I thought I was. I believe that when you feel you have to face rough times alone that God will strengthen you and enable you to go through your problems and prove to yourself that you're not as weak as you think you are. Please don't scare yourself by reading up on anneurisms. It will just make you feel worse and play mind games with you. Rather speak to your doc if you have any health concerns. He will advise you. Be strong and take care of yourself.
Posted 10/28/2014 1:44 PM (GMT 0)
I don't have much advice other than to say I know exactly how you feel with your safe person and worrying about when she's not there. My bff that moved in August was my safe person. I've mourned her loss all dang year when they announced moving in January. I don't live in my hometown or I think it'd be better bc my family and many friends are there.

Are you in your hometown? Do you have a bff near?

I so understand that gloom hovering over your head. Im having good days then today I woke with the gloom and uneasiness. I bawled earlier then my bff called me and I felt better talking. She knows exactly what I'm going through as she's had the same struggles that we all have had.

If you don't want to go to your activities today, then don't. What I would suggest is to go ahead and lay your Pilates outfit out so if your feelings change, you'll have a plan in place to get ready and go. I avoid things too so I understand.

Are you taking an antidepressant and how long have you been on it?

I also agree with Momtogigiandquinn that my mom and my bff have been my rocks more than hubby. He's as supportive as he can be but he's not a girlfriend or my mom.

Remember you have us here. I know it's not the same but we care about you and will be here for you when you struggle like today.

Hugs girl- it's going to be ok ♥️

Lisa
Posted 10/28/2014 2:07 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks everyone. It makes me feel better to have all of you here.

I am in my hometown, but my BFF is no longer my BFF. She's actually bipolar and doesn't treat it and so she either loves me, or it's like a switch flips and she suddenly tells me that I'm the worst person she knows and she doesn't want her family around a person like me. This has literally been going on since the eight grade! When she was on her meds, our friendship was amazing, but she went off of them to have children and hasn't gone back on, so we haven't spoken in about a year and half, right after our kids were born just a week apart. I feel so bad, because she doesn't really have other girlfriends, but I've found its better to just let this kind of thing happen. It was pretty ugly this last time, so I think that may have been that.

I do have a couple other really understanding friends, but no one like my mom who will drop anything to make sure I'm ok.

I'm wearing my Pilates clothes all day today, with the intention of going, but I just feel really yucky about it. This stabbing pain in my head is just scaring me so badly, but I refuse to call the doctor yet. I have been sleeping terribly and I imagine it's something related to a pinched something or other, but it's pretty bad....

I don't wanna cancel on my neighbor again, but I rrrakly don't wanna do this class tonight. I'm just afraid she's gonna think I'm a total weirdo and we really like them, so I don't wanna seem like a freak.
Posted 10/28/2014 2:20 PM (GMT 0)
Have you told this neighbor friend about your struggles? I know it's a risk but I took the risk telling my new neighbor friend after we were doing yoga together, & she was so understanding and ended up sharing her struggles with this crap! She's since moved (oh that would make 4 friends who've moved this year mad ), but I wouldn't hesitate to delicately share what your going through. Not TMI but that you've been struggling with anxiety. Do you feel close enough to do that?

Some people may not like or suggest that route but if she's someone you feel comfortable with, you never know how that could bond you two. Our society is so hush hush about these things and it's amazing when I tell ppl of my struggles how understanding almost all of them are and have their own story to share.

It's just a thought. Don't even entertain it if it's uncomfortable.

Ps: I live in my yoga clothes despite not going for a few months since my neighbor was busy packing and then moved. She was my yoga partner and I haven't felt motivated to go back yet by myself.

Hugs!
Lisa
Posted 10/28/2014 4:04 PM (GMT 0)
I have told her, but never any details. I think she assumes that the reason I'm flakey is because of the anxiety, because today she was telling me how nice the women in the class are, so I think she's trying to ease my mind.

We moved last year so the class I went to with my girlfriend who knows the whole story is just too far for me to go to. :-(
Posted 10/28/2014 4:19 PM (GMT 0)
Ugh I understand losing a yoga/Pilates friend. I need to get back into it but I hate doing things by myself and my only friend here that is a homemaker like me that has time, is 68 & she said yoga would kill her lol!

What city are you in if you don't mind sharing?

How're you feeling now that it's around noon, any better? Are you still taking an AD or did you stop it? When do you see psych again? If you don't want to take AD's, you could ask for Deplin. It's prescription folic acid and is supposed to help with depression. I started taking it last week. It takes a month to know if it helps but I like that it is natural.

Hugs!
Lisa
Posted 10/28/2014 4:38 PM (GMT 0)
I'm in the Northern suburbs of Chicago.

I'm not in any meds other than Xanax. I tried Zoloft recently but didn't have great luck and now I'm resistant to trying anything new. Maybe something natural would be helpful though.
Posted 10/28/2014 5:01 PM (GMT 0)
Oh we're close- kinda sorta. I'm in Ft Wayne Indiana. I have friends in Downers Grove, Lincoln Park & Naperville.

Ask your doctor about Deplin. Also, make sure you're taking a multi vitamin, cal/mag & vitamin D. Us northerners tend to be Vit D deficient. I take 5000 vit D3/day.

Have you had your thyroid and iron checked lately?

I'm due for bloodwork. I have the orders but keep forgetting to fast at night 🐷 lol.

Lisa
Posted 10/28/2014 5:09 PM (GMT 0)
Park

Lean on us when your mother leaves. I know it's not the same but we are always here to love, support, carry, and encourage you!

Morning anxiety is the pits! We talk about it all the time on here. I wish there was something definite that works for everyone who experiences this.

Have you tried taking a xanax first thing in the morn before your anxiety hits?

I promise, if you keep trying different things, you will eventually learn the trick with dealing with this MA when it pops up!

Hope you start feeling better today! Make yourself have something to look forward to this evening and let that be the thing that keeps you going and makes you feel good... For me, I am cooking dinner for the family and we all are watching 'Walking Dead' reruns. Things can't be that bad when you're eating steak and watching a zombie show!
Hugs

Your friend
Cornell

Post Edited (Cornell) : 10/28/2014 11:15:38 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 10/28/2014 5:31 PM (GMT 0)
Lisa, I wish you were closer so we could be work out buds! I feel so much safer in class when I know someone understands when I suddenly feel like I might pass out, even though I know I wont! I have recently had my Thyroid and Iron checked. I'm a little deficient in Vitamin D, so I've increasdd what I'm taking.

Cornell, thank you, I'll probably lean pretty heavily on you guys. My mom is definitely my safety net and I'm pretty scared for her to be so far away. The reason I'm unable to take my xanax before I get anxious, is because the anxiety is hitting the moment I open my eyes. In literally waking up to mild panic episodes. I take the xanax right then and am ok about 30 minutes later. I would love to stay home tonight and watch some tv with the fam! Unfortunately....I really need to drag my sorry behind to this Pilates class and face this fear. We'll see if I make it...
Posted 10/28/2014 6:43 PM (GMT 0)
I'm SO tempted to create an anxiety support group on meetup.com but... Im too anxious to start one up LOL smilewinkgrin
Posted 10/29/2014 6:12 PM (GMT 0)
Park12 - My therapist told me that we have excess cortisol in the brain upon waking and that could be the reason for morning anxiety. I have been going through the same thing for over 3 years and I HATE it!!!! But I get right up, take a Xanax and, like you, after 30 minutes or so I start to feel better. Don't know how to stop the excess cortisol but its probably is because of our anxiety in general so we constantly have that "fight or flight" feeiing we get from cortisol and it builds up while we're sleeping. Just a guess but it seems to make sense. i have a feeling if I could just get through this latest bout of anxiety/panic that's with me every day lately, that the morning anxeity might pass too.
Posted 10/29/2014 7:10 PM (GMT 0)
Park,

Did you make it to Pilates ??
Posted 10/29/2014 7:40 PM (GMT 0)
Andwes. I am working on the cortisol theory. It makes so much sense. My anxiety kicks in during the night and is gone by the time I get to work at 7 a.m. I am going to see if my doctor can test my cortisol levels overnight. I think there is a urine test that i could do at home. I will let this forum know after my appointment tomorrow.
Posted 10/29/2014 9:21 PM (GMT 0)
Mom-

I did not make it to Pilates. Big shocker.

I'd be interested in having my cortisol checked too. I can only guess it would be high!
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