Bad night... My personal feelings

So very sorry for your troubles, Cornell. You've been such a wonderful support to all of us on this forum that now it's time for us to support YOU! Will you have to go to court? If so, I'm sure they will realize that this was just all a mistake and give you a break.

As far as your concerns about your marriage - my middle son is having similar issues with his wife so I can certainly sympathize. Does your wife work outside the home? I'm all for the husband helping around the house but are you the only one who does the housework? Do you also feel that your wife has little patience for your anxiety? I'm asking all these personal questions only to get a better feel for what is going on, not to make judgements.

It sounds like you have alot on your plate and those are the times we do stupid things (like taking more than your usual dose of Ambien). But I'm sure you'll be more careful next time around because making mistakes with meds CAN be dangerous. Does your wife believe it was a mistake? I'm just wondering what her take is on all of this. Does she ever have anxiety herself? People who don't suffer with it have a real difficult time understanding what we go through and sometimes it makes them shut us out. Have you discussed your issues frankly with her? Boy, I sound like a self-proclaimed psychiatrist or something but, as I said before, I'm trying to find out how you can possibly better deal with all this. The rejection by a spouse can be very hurtful and only make our anxiety worse so I'm wondering which came first, the chicken or the egg.

You're obviously under no obligation to answer all my questions....I just want you to know that I, along with everyone else on this forum, only wants what's best for you whether it's just to listen or try to advise or just shut up, whatever you please.

We are here for you! Good luck with everything and keep posting no matter what.

Oh dear friend Cornell-

I am so so sorry crap is hitting your fan. You've all been through so much recently with the passing of your brother in law and your own path to healing your anxiety & depression. Let alone the normal stresses of life raising kids, marriage, etc.

I don't know how to make your shame feeling any better with the arrest- mostly bc, albeit a horrible feeling, it's a normal feeling to feel shame. Especially the next day. Something similar happened to my friends family member. The gal was taking precribed xanax & some guy t-boned her. Everyone was ok but they did blood tests on both and the family member got arrested for DUI even though her blood showed normal prescription levels :( I've been meaning to ask my psychiatrist about this bc this is not a warning that has ever been mentioned to me.

Also, with Ambien, I remember reading this year about a Kennedy cousin (famous Kennedy family), having an arrest after taking Ambien or too much, accidentally & driving impaired. Same type of story like yours.

I am not embarrassed or think ANY less of you for this. I feel empathetic and appreciate your honesty. I do understand the horror you must feel though. I had a shameful thing happen several years ago. My husband had been drinking heavily and we were fighting. I was driving and got pulled over- for expired license plates! (Oops). Anyway, sheriff could smell alcohol in the car and since I was the driver, *I* had to take the breathalyzer. Humiliating. No one was arrested and we were given a ticket and went on our way but it still hurt & the expired plates is still on record on the Internet.

The good news from that story is it made my husband and I look deeply at what was going on w/him & us and things did get better. It was kind of a blessing in disguise. I think the same can happen with you and your wife.

As for your marriage- as you know, love, sex, etc, waxes & wanes in a marriage. Maybe this was a "good" wake-up call to address the issue. I do know as a woman, my sex drive has waned (AD's!) plus I know raising children can zap energy too. I'd suggest after the dust settles with last nights incident, you set aside time with just you & your wife and you two start talking...

I'm here to say money cannot buy love or happiness. Yeah it can make things easier but it does t prevent unhappiness, depression, anxiety etc. I know with men, and I'm not trying to make generalizations about men, but I do know that having & making money is a big deal to your well being & security. Money, Sex, Food was our little joke in school as to a mans basic needs. When one of those are missing or lacking, anxiety follows.

You keep talking here and with your wife & therapist. This will get worked out. I'd even be tempted to talk to your pastor.

We love you dearly here and do not judge. You're just as much as a good soul today as you were before this.

If I could give you a big hug, I would. What I will do for you is pray for peace and resolutions for all of your current struggles.

Sending you unconditional love & support.

Your friend,
Lisa

Oh Cornell, please do not apologize to us. You are nothing but wonderful support for all of us. You made a mistake and we all do. I hope that there will not be long term troubles for you regarding this one incident. Taking even 2 Ambien can be a lot, so it doesn't actually shock me that you took even more without realizing it! I'm sure an of us who take ambien could make a mistake like that. I've been on ambien for years and have had quite a few times where I don't remember doing or saying things.

As for your marriage, well I am also 34 and don't think that a marriage should be without that passion. HOWEVER, these slumps do happen to the best of us. This may be TMI, but hey what the heck. I went through a phase awhile back where I just wasn't feeling the romance and intimacy with my hubby and I felt bored and like I didn't want to spend my life that way. Then add a child in and it's even more stress and exhaustion. My therapist at the time told me that the key to staying connected is to be intimate even when one or both of you isn't in the mood. If you almost make yourself do this, at some point you realize that you enjoy it and it becomes a part of your life again. I've found this to be true for my hubby and I and things seem to be better than ever.

I'll be thinking of you and please keep us updated, but again, you do not owe us an apology. We are all here for you!

Hugs!

Oh wow dear Cornell I am so sorry to hear this :(
You are a wonderful person, you don't need to apologize.

Looks like all my favorite girls responded (there's a couple more out there I am waiting on)!

You guys really are like family... I know not everyday can be good but I CAN try to be positive each day - even this can prove to be challenging.

Andwes, as usual, thank you for the encouraging words... Our friendship is very important! You are a beautiful fixture here on HW and this place wouldnt be the same without ya!

SC -my pastor is also my father in law!!!! We are good friends and I will definitely talk to him!

Lisa - your words are always comforting. Your that "Aunt" in the family who always has it all together! You're such a source of comfort to me!

Park12 - you, yourself has been through so much... I know I can get through this rough spot - your personal story and how strong you are is an inspiration to me!

Notsosickygirl - nice to meet you! Thank you for your kind words... Good to know I am not alone in this!

TMA - my dear pal.... You are so special... Thanks for your words.. They brought me much comfort.... You always have a way of saying the "right thing". So glad we can laugh and cry together... Here a hug just for you!

I have court in the morning... Hope it goes well. I will keep you posted. Need all your prayers...

Love you!

Cornell the criminal

Post Edited (Cornell) : 11/6/2014 2:36:08 PM (GMT-7)

Please try not worrying much but i know its hard :( i am sure court is going to be ok if you explain about your situation.
Have strength <3

Cornell,

Absolutely no need to apologize. And thank you so much for sharing your story with us. Your honesty is inspiring. I see nothing different in you after telling us. You are still the voice of reason when we can't seem to find our own. It'll take a lot more than getting arrested to lose my respect!!

I'm sure most of us can relate to the lull that seems to happen to married couples in their 30's. I know I am guilty of losing that passion from time to time. You guys will make it through this just fine. I have faith in that. Sometimes it takes an extreme situation to change a relationship for the better.

❤️

Cornell
We are all human and make mistakes. Unfortunately I have a relationship like yours too but it is on my end and not his. My anxiety and other health issues have made it so hard to be intimate. I don't know your relationship well enough to say what is wrong but I read your post. I do know for this gal here if we are arguing it doesn't make me want to be intimate but guys are different in that area. I wish you the best in working that part out. Just learn from your mistake with the sleeping pills and don't beat yourself up. It doesn't make you a bad person only human.. Praying things go better for you my friend.. Also tell her how your feeling because I think that helps too.

here for ya mate.

I have court in one hour, will let you know, Rrakma how it goes!

Good to hear from you MG and Ht, thank you for your thought! Glad the whole HW family is here for me!

Thanks Janet!

Was wondering where you was! I am at court now waiting for my name..... An little nervous. This is the very first time in my adult life that this has happened! Hopefully I will be in and out!!! I am pleading not guilty....

Thanks friend

Cornell

Thanks for that hug yesterday. :) Best wishes today.