My daughter is not doing well

My fears about my daughter were definitely dead on because she is not doing well. She was home from school sick again yesterday but went back today. Last night she cried and cried that she didn't want to go and that she didn't like school and she missed us. I explained to her that we didn't want to go to work either and that we missed her too but that we had to. We told her that she had to go to school or we would get in trouble.

She explained to me how she feels at school and how she hates it and doesn't understand why she feels this way. Everything she explained I understood completely and it broke my heart. I was and am still so upset and feel like I don't know what to do or where to turn. This morning she immediately woke up upset and not wanting to go to school. We told her we were going to open a store like her brothers teacher had where they could earn points to buy stuff with. That got her excited. She wanted me to take her to school and walk her in instead of riding the bus. I felt like I was starting a bad habit but I just wanted to get her to school today so I did it. When I got to school I spoke briefly with her teacher and for awhile with the school counselor.

The school counselor looked like she was 18 years old. She couldn't have been older than 21. She was nice enough but I just don't know how I feel about her. She told me my daughter has been coming in there four or five times a day. This has got to be such a huge distraction for her teacher and the class and I feel terrible about it. Not to mention the time that my child is missing from the classroom is time that she really needs to learn. Don't get me wrong I'm glad she has the counselor to go to but I don't think it is helping at all.

The girl told me that she tries to distract my daughter and teach her deep breathing as well. She had her look through a magazine of dogs and puppies and let her cut out her favorite pictures to take back to class with her to look at when she is feeling bad. So far it hasn't helped at all. While I was sitting in her office discussing things the counselors phone rang. It hadn't even been twenty minutes since school started and it was my daughter's teacher saying she wasn't doing well and that my daughter wanted to see the counselor. It broke my heart.

Leaving my daughter at school today was the hardest thing. I could see by looking at her face that she was feeling those feelings that I know so well myself. I'm glad I can relate but at the same time I think it makes it harder knowing how she feels. She is only five (she turns six next month) so it is so hard for me to talk to her about this in a helpful way.

I don't know what to do right now. I don't know if I should try to see if I can take her to my therapist because I trust that person or if I should try to take her to Mayo like I did my oldest daughter? I hate to make the hour and a half drive in our brutal winters but I want my daughter better. Then I worry that they would blow her off like they did me. She doesn't seem to have the OCD that my oldest did so that is good but I don't know if that is the only reason that Mayo decided to let my oldest do therapy there when they told me I couldn't do my own there? Then again I'm afraid to take her to someone local and have them accomplish nothing or mess her up more?

I have such guilt for passing this on to my kids. I know it's stupid and doesn't help anything but it is the truth. This is making my anxiety go through the roof even though I'm trying so hard to keep a hold on it. There is nothing in the world worse than seeing your child in pain. Well maybe not knowing what to do to help them might be worse, which is what I'm feeling now. I'm hoping that my therapist sees kids and we can start there. I'm almost positive she does and I really trust her. I still think that she would probably get better care at mayo but I don't know how I'd afford to get there and how I'd get there safely in this crap weather we have. We did it with my oldest daughter so I'm sure we could do it again.

I keep wanting to believe this is your normal run of the mill separation anxiety thing and that it will pass like it does for most kids. I know when I look at my little girl though that it's more than that. I can tell by how she describes what she feels and how she doesn't want to feel it that it is anxiety. Her counselor said as of right now it could go one of two ways. It could either just be a phase and maybe she will perk up again in the spring (why the spring I thought that was weird unless she thought of SAD) or that it could be "full blown anxiety." Although I don't want it to be the full blown anxiety that is what I fear it is.

Now I just have to figure out what the hell to do. I'm having a hard enough time with my own anxiety and seeing my little tiny girl hurt on top of that is killing me.

Thank you. I am a mess. Sitting here in tears and just don't know what to do with myself. I think I'm going to just try going to sleep because right now it is just too much to deal with. I feel so guilty for leaving her there knowing how she was feeling. I wanted to pick her up and take her home but I knew I couldn't. I just don't know how to expect this little person to handle these feelings when I barely tolerate them with medication.

I had to call in to work tonight because this morning she told me that she hoped I would be home when she got home and through her tears asked me if I would be. I did not have the heart to tell her I would have to work. I know that I can't keep doing this and I have to work and that a couple of times it will be nights but I just don't know what else to do right now. My instincts just tell me to hold her and help her and I don't know how.

I see my therapist Wednesday and could talk to her about my daughter then. She doesn't have any openings till the first week of December so I don't know if she would be able to see her any sooner. I guess I will call and ask them if she sees children.

I just feel sick to my stomach. I feel powerless and guilty. I feel horrible having left her at school but I know that is what I have to do right?

She is five years old, will be six next month. Thank you so much for the kind words. I need to hear them and believe them. I just found some books on amazon I will order tomorrow and I need to get my head back in this and believe that we WILL be okay. It is hard to believe that though when all I can see is her terrified little face. I am sitting here totally dreading the call from the school counselor to hear how bad the day has gone. I feel like I am going to throw up.

I am going to call my therapists office and ask if she sees kids. I know she has mentioned it before but I'm not sure if she still does. I will start there and order the books from amazon and see how that goes. If she gets progressively worse then I will think about Mayo.

Just got an email from the counselor that she has had her worst day yet. The counselor has had to sit in the classroom with her nearly all day. I am beyond heartbroken. I hope to god that at the very least she is able to relax when she gets home so she has some sort of solace. I remember with my oldest daughter is was a 24-7 thing, it wasn't just about school. It was so terrible to watch a small child be so tormented. It just seems so unnatural to see this type of thing happen in a kid so young.

It has definitely moved beyond any type of just normal missing mom type of stuff. The counselor said her fears were more all over the place today. She mentioned most of the things to me last night and this morning. There are things like what if people laugh at her, what if her friends don't like her anymore, that she can't do things, and that she isn't smart. I have no idea where these fears come from but it sure isn't from us. Maybe there really isn't an answer as to where or why? They said that she is able to focus and work once they get her to that point but that it has been extremely difficult getting her to that point.

My hope of it just being a little phase is dwindling by the minute. I think I just need to accept that she has an anxiety problem and deal with it. It is so hard dealing with it though especially when you are trying to handle your own issue. I find myself getting angry at her and it isn't at all out of anger it is out of fear and frustration. I just want her better, I don't want to see her hurting. It is so exhausting dealing with a young child that has these type of issues. I mean we all know how exhausting it is to us as adults. We KNOW that there is nothing to truly be afraid of and yet we still have a terrible time. So you can only imagine what this is like for a five year old.

I will just have to try to do what I did with myself and take it minute by minute and celebrate the victories. Getting down isn't going to help any of us. I feel sorry for my poor husband. He doesn't have any idea what any of this feels like and is now watching another one of his girls go through it. I know he is worried sick and at his wit's end.

I just feel so lost. It feels so unnatural to send your terrified child somewhere that they don't want to go. I know in my head that she must go but it doesn't make it any easier. Now I will have this battle every single night with her and every single morning. Trying not to let it get to me but I am under so much stress as it is. This is coming into the absolute worst time at my job and I have finals coming up. I'm trying to work more to be able to afford Christmas and pay off all of our bills which include huge bils from me going to the ER three times before I knew what was going on with me.

I'm not fully healed from my own bout with this yet and handling this is just like ripping a scab off of a wound. It's like having a little mirror image of yourself. It is also my worst fear coming to life. Before I decided to have kids I as afraid they would have mental health issues because so many in my family do. I would never change things and go back and not have kids but I still sometimes wonder if I was selfish for having them. I thought that it would be okay because so much of my own problems are a result of my bad childhood. I thought that a good home life for my kids would outweigh any genetic issues but I guess I was wrong.

Part of me dreads her coming home and is exhausted from it already. But a bigger part of me just wants to hold her and tell her it will be alright.

I know there was a little issue a week or two ago about religion on here so I'm not sure if this is okay to say or not so please feel free to take it down if not. For me though I've been trying so hard to find God again through this bout of anxiety because having that faith that I used to have would make things so much easier. I haven't found it yet though. I have to say that it is hard for me to understand if there is a God why he would strike a small child with something like this? Or the three year old boy in our town who had to trick or treat on a different day because he had chemo on actua Halloween. I'm really searching long and hard for faith but it is getting tough to keep going when there is so much that I just do not understand. It is one thing and bad enough for an adult to be struck with mental illness or cancer, but a small child?

I hope I don't offend anyone who believes because as I said I really want to. I am just really angry right now that my child has to hurt like this. She is the sweetest little girl you could ever know and I am beyond angry that she has to deal with this. I couldn't understand why I had to deal with it myself but for her now too?? It is just too much right now.

Thank you Scaredy. I am hurting more than I can handle right now. Sometimes it is so darn hard to be the adult. It is like you are supposed to know what to do for your child but you are just as terrified as them.

I'm trying not to spiral down into what if territory. I was so scared for years that this would come back and get my oldest daughter again and just in the last year or two my fears about that calmed. I truly never would have guessed in a million years that this would happen with my youngest. It truly just came out of the blue in the last couple of weeks. My oldest was always an anxious and worried child so it wasn't as much of a stretch that she would sort of end up with the severe anxiety and OCD that she had. This daughter though I never would've imagined it. It is so strange how something can come on so quickly and out of nowhere like this. So now I worry about my son and about all of my kids in the future. I fear what will happen in their college and adult years. I know it is stupid and pointless but right now I am just angry and scared. It is hard to see that things will someday be alright because I am so scared that maybe they won't be.

Billy-

I'm so so sorry. I know this is difficult. I truly believe in you that you are & will handle this and get through it.

You're doing everything you know how- staying in communication with the school, talking to your therapist at your next appt, getting an appt or referral for your daughter and showing your baby safety and love in her mommy' arms..

A therapist for her will be a good start. This may be a temporary bout of anxiety & will pass, hopefully as quickly as it started.

We're here for you always!

Sending hugs & much peace-
Lisa

Billy,
not sure if this will help, but here goes. my daughter will be 13 soon. Now mind you, she is a straight A student and actually likes school. However I too have passed down bad habits with anxiety to her and I feel bad also. She has a really sensitive heart. She gets upset easily and is super sensitive to any comments good or bad. In 5th grade she a terrible teacher and critisized everything my daughter did. At that point as well, my daughter was getting picked on for being "nerdy"..and one day the counseler called me, and said my daughter told the teacher she wanted to kill herself. Imagine my heartache...I was in disbelief, of why she would even say such a thing. I left work and went off to the school, crying like a baby. Talked to the counseler and then set up an appointment with a psychologist. Turns out after her talking to the child psychologist she just couldnt handle all the stuff that was going on at once. We have always talked about things and I knew stuff was bothering her, I just never knew it was to that extent. So I am sharing my story about her to hopefully let you know it can get better for your daughter also. You are doing all that you can, and my daughter liked talking to the psychologist. I am thankful that he cleared my daughter and said that it was just normal hectic school issues. She is way better these days and realizes that she can be herself and not feel bad...she has made more friends now too. Just know it will get better with the right resources for her. Now I just have normal teenage stuff to deal with. I hope nothing but the best for you and your daughter but just remember she can overcome it too.

Hi Billy,

Wow- I feel your pain. It's so hard to be a mom. When our kids hurt we hurt twice as much. We think we should be able to make it all better but we can't always.

You need your faith- it will help you get through.

I'm attaching a Youtube link to a song that hpe helps you gather strength.

All my best
www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_gCfA0Dmgg

Bb.,

How did yesterday go afterschool? Did you guys have a relaxing evening?

How about today getting her to school? Any better?

Stlll sending thoughts and prayers for your family!!

S.C.

Oh my heart goes out to you. And I agree with everyone else on here not to let this guilt eat you up. Yes, your child may struggle with some of the same things you struggle with, whether it's hereditary or not. But I'm sure you also passed along a lot of wonderful traits to her! And, as far as knowing what to do next, it does seem wise to look into having her talk to a counselor-particularly if you don't have a lot of confidence in the school counselor. And it never hurts to get as much help as you can. Getting some books on the topic of anxiety in children should also be helpful. So, I hope you were able to find some useful ones on Amazon? One that I've heard is good is Stress and Your Child by Dr. Archibald Hart. So, not sure if that one would be worth picking up, but just FYI. Well, I'm definitely praying for you and your family. Hang in there!

gardensparrow

#girlluvs2garden#