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Posted 11/17/2014 4:05 PM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone!! So... My husband told me recently that he wants a divorce because he can't deal with my anxiety because it's so hard on him (um really??) anyway we barely speak anymore. He works out of state and hasn't been home in a few weeks. Everytime we do speak he is extremely rude. He tells me constantly how selfish, lazy, manipulative etc I am. He put me in the hospital for my anxiety and everytime I get anxious he threatens to put me back in. This behavior is rubbing off on my daughter. She was upset with me yesterday and said daddy's gonna have you committed. I know I'm not the person I used to be but I'm trying really hard to get back there! He just called me and I was starting to tell him a funny story about my nephew and he cut me off and said "I don't care" when I got upset he hung up on me. How am I suppose to move forward when all this negativity is going on. My daughter is 11 so I can't be upset with her but I did tell her it hurt my feelings. I feel like she hates me. She and I have always been really close but this anxiety is tearing that apart. I was having a really good day! Now I can feel my heart jumping around and my arms are sore and I am having a hard time breathing. Sorry! I just needed to vent!
Posted 11/17/2014 4:49 PM (GMT 0)
oh geez, i feel for you. and your daughter is at a hard age. i remember when my son was 11 and started hitting puberty. he was so selfish and hateful. it was very difficult. he still goes through those stages at 21!! anyway, your husband sounds like the selfish one treating you this way! i have no sympathy for men who do this to women or anyone for that matter. i'm so sorry. he should not treat you this way. have you explained to him it only makes it worse for you and maybe brings on anticipatory anxiety knowing this is the reaction you will get?

i have no tolerance for cold natured behavior from people who are supposed to be there for us. are you sure being married is the right thing for you? because i can't help but wonder if he treats you this way regarding your anxiety, how is your relationship otherwise? he sounds like he needs some education and more compassion. that makes it harder since he lives away from you.

how did he put you in the hospital for anxiety? i have had anxiety for years and nobody has ever recommended i be hospitalized. he sounds like the manipulative one.

will he go to couples counseling? do you see a counselor? hugs!

Post Edited (hazelnut86) : 11/17/2014 9:52:45 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 11/17/2014 5:02 PM (GMT 0)
BB.,

I am so sorry to hear this!! I am pressed for time right now...have to go get ready for work...

...but wanted to let you know I am praying for you and your situation right now!!

I will post more later.

Hugs,

S.C.
Posted 11/17/2014 5:02 PM (GMT 0)
Wow, that sounds like a bad situation. I was getting frustrated and irritated when my friends and parents were not understanding of my anxiety saying just stop thinking about, you are doing it to yourself, etc. It sounds like your husband either doesn't understand your anxiety / feelings, or perhaps doesn't care too. Having never been married I can't relate as well as some other here might but sounds like maybe marriage counselling would be a good option if your husband is willing to go. However some people are simply self centered and set in their ways, and unfortunately you can't force people to change. If he is not willing to change, and making your life miserable, making anxiety worse, leading to unhappiness maybe splitting up isn't a bad thing. Its always though on kids though, definitely a tough position to be in.
Posted 11/17/2014 5:40 PM (GMT 0)
Hazelnut and Greyfox, he told me either I was going to voluntarily go into the hospital or he was going to 302 me (involuntary) and I know being 302 stays on your record so if someone did a background check on me it would show up. He made me look so crazy to the people at the hospital. He told them I was suicidal which I'm not. I'm terrified of dying. I tried to tell them that wasn't the case but they didn't seem to listen. The psychiatrist that saw me in the hospital said to me "you don't belong here, the people here are mentally ill and you are not mentally ill. You just have panic attacks" I told my husband that after they discharged me and he said I think she just told you that to make you feel better. : /
I'm ok with the divorce because it's always been a roller coaster with us but his reasoning for it is painful and frustrating. Thank you for your input!
Posted 11/17/2014 5:45 PM (GMT 0)
Ps.. I do feel bad about talking about him like this and I know I am far from perfect but I am getting so frustrated!!
Posted 11/17/2014 6:01 PM (GMT 0)
Your anger and frustration are understandable. I believe everyone is entitled to be happy and the pursuit of happiness. Sometimes that requires sacrifices and making hard decisions. My advice is to focus on your health, anxiety, and overall mental well being.
Posted 11/17/2014 6:29 PM (GMT 0)
Oh Bambi-

I'm sorry. Know that you have the power to do what you need to, despite your anxieties & confusion. I believe in you & see much strength beneath the hurt.

Are you seeing a therapist? That is one thing I would advise you to do asap if you're not already.

You can & will get through this and we will support you through this journey.

Big hugs-
Lisa
Posted 11/17/2014 7:26 PM (GMT 0)
Lisa, I am seeing a therapist. She said she would like to do a session with me and my husband. I'm not sure how well that will go over since he thinks medicine and therapy are signs of weakness except for in my case. He does urge me to continue with my therapy.
Posted 11/17/2014 7:48 PM (GMT 0)
are you sure he isn't making your anxiety worse or the cause of it? doesn't sound like a very supportive relationship. that's what a marriage is in my opinion. someone who stands by you through problems AND good times.
Posted 11/17/2014 8:08 PM (GMT 0)
Bambi sorry to hear that you are going through this. I also agree with others, your husband doesn't seem to be supportive.
Also, we are usually put to a place where we are forced to feel guilty and take every blame on us because of our anxiety. Like, "oh you said this because of your anxiety problem" or "oh you did this because you are scared" but we most of the time act like any other people.

I think it's a good idea to make a therapy session with your husband (if he agrees, that is) because then he can't forcefully put you to hospital by telling lies like you are suicidal and such. Since your therapist is going to listen to him and the situation, there is no way your husband can prove that you are crazy or something.

Please try not to worry much, I know such things can be so troublesome. I really know. We are here for you <3
Posted 11/17/2014 8:10 PM (GMT 0)
Oh I agree his is a majority of it! There are other things that add to it but he def doesn't help. I noticed since he hasn't been home, my anxiety is still there but not as bad.
Posted 11/17/2014 8:13 PM (GMT 0)
Sorry for the misspelling. One of my pet peeves lol
Posted 11/17/2014 9:55 PM (GMT 0)
Bb.,

Okay, I am back...

I want to make sure first of all that you are safe, and within your rights.

Your husband cannot have you detained or hospitalized against your will.

As long as you refuse to be admitted and do not sign anything, he is powerless to exert that control over you. (barring you threatening harm to yourself or others)

I think that you need to talk with your therapist and have her write an assessment of her profession opinion as to your mental state currently. Including your ability to take care of yourself and your daughter.

This will be your insurance if push comes to shove, and your husband does follow throuh with a dissolution.

Also, if he is being threatening to you, or exhibiting mental/verbal abuse...you need to date and document word for word his statements.

I know this sounds very dramatic, but what he is trying to do with his scare tactics is the real drama here. You just need to protect yourself.

Please keep us posted. We care about you and want to see the best possible resolution to this situation for you and your daughter.

With compassion,

S.C.
Posted 11/17/2014 11:04 PM (GMT 0)
SC,
That is great idea about having my therapist write an assessment on me!! She has told me before that I don't belong in a hospital. My mom has told me that she will never let anyone put me back in. I am so embarrassed that I was in there in the first place. I was in there with some really mentally ill people and it was horrible. I still have nightmares about being there.
My husband plans on moving out soon and I have not heard from him since this morning. I told him not to contact me if he can't be nice and so far he hasn't. I haven't told my therapist about any of this yet but I will be sure to tell her this week!
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