Posted 11/20/2014 9:19 PM (GMT 0)
....can't seem to find my first thread about this but I want to bring this current.
I've been in therapy twice a week since July since 'coming out' and 'fessing up...and validating my childhood experiences. Still going strong at twice a week. Needless to say, working through this acknowledgment is bringing up stuff that's impacting everything, (including my forum presence, so props to everyone for help and carrying the weight and pace).
Just got out of therapy. Some new stuff came up. As a child who's been perpetrated, we build defense mechanisms to protect and when that's complicated by isolation, we don't learn proper, healthy coping strategies.
We may even seek out destructive behaviours. My 'logical mind' is trying to come to terms with my 'emotional mind' to create and flow with my 'wise mind.' I'm learning that we do these things to feel. The physical 'symptoms' themselves heal relatively quickly but it's the emotional abuse, the shaming, not being armed with strong, healthy physical presences in our lives, we have no model on which to form our learning skills. So, we improvise and go with whatever gives us a rush at that moment, bully the consequences.
Mourning the loss of how much of my life has passed is our current topic. 'What if' I had acknowledged and not buried (and lied about) the abuse earlier? I'm in my 50's and only *now* addressing this?? Learning to accept that 'better now than never' is more than a trite saying.
Also thank you guys for bearing with my spotty appearances. I love you guys to bits and would never abandon HW, ever, ever!!
M.