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Can't do this much longer

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Posted 12/18/2014 2:00 AM (GMT 0)
How do I not be pathetic anymore? How do I be the person that I use to be? If it wasn't for these chest pains I don't think my health anxiety would be this bad. My brain and my heart are always my 2 biggest worries..because that's something you can die so suddenly off I think. I really don't worry or dwell on cancers or things that slowly kill you. Lately my chest pains have been a kind of burning sensation in my chest...but I also have a sore/tense/sometimes burning upper back (from holding my daughter I'm guessing..not sure if it's a slipped disc issue or what) Even knowing that, and that i've been to the ER 6 times in the last few months and every ER doctor said that my risk for heart attack is basically 0..I'm 30, barely overweight, I don't smoke, drink socially, no drugs, no diabetes, etc etc...but every time I feel a chest pain it's like all my logical thoughts fly out the window and all I wanna do is run to the ER because i'm SURE i'm having a heart attack. I can't live like this anymore!!!!! I live in a town about 20-25 minutes from the closest hospital (my parents live about 2 minutes from one) and I find myself going over there more and more just to be near the hospital just incase. There's even been times that i've driven to the ER and sat in my car a while to see how I feel and then have just driven away. I mean this is crazy!! If I could stop these chest pains I know that my anxiety would improve 75%..but how can I when doctors find nothing wrong and I don't know why i'm getting them? Sorry this is so long...I'm just at the end of my rope.
Posted 12/18/2014 2:18 AM (GMT 0)
Dear GMoon, you are not pathetic. Far from it. Asking for help and guidance because of a fear is normal even if the fear is not. This isn't being afraid of the dark, it's probably much worse and even if you don't want to, your brain is probably rationalizing the fear and thus it is reoccurring. I am not saying that what you are feeling is wrong but that you don't need to feel you are because I'm sure that there are people in this world that couldn't live without you and you are probably much stronger than you think. I don't know anything about chest pains or heart attacks so I can't give you any professional advice. However I can and will pray that you are able to find a way to slowly combat this fear and make your worrying stop.
Peace be with you, Roses
Posted 12/18/2014 2:52 AM (GMT 0)
i have done the very same thing in the past driven to the hosp. sat in the parking lot until i felt better then left.. or went to my daughters shes about 5 min. from the hosp. I live in the country about 25 min. from the hosp. yes later it seems crazy to me but at the time i guess it makes me feel better.. I do get chest pains and my heart races bad.. but what really scares me is hyperventilating... and then i get so dizzy and shake so bad.. I dont or havent so far went to the ER for these prob. I dont know why.. I always want to.. part of it is I think they will say its all anxiety and ill waste 5 hrs there.. or maybe i worry they will find some thing horrible wrong and im not ready to face that either..CRAZY i know!!!
Posted 12/18/2014 2:59 AM (GMT 0)
Your ok, we do not judge our own here and you are one of Us! Mam this is self torture and i think if you are
going to go to ER when you feel this way, you should believe what you are told, they deal with people like
us every day, you did get the tests if there was anything remotely wrong you would have been sent to a
room and kept, if you will read many of the posts here dealing with the same thing you will see a familiar
line of thought, "they missed something", We do this until we are in a state of financial ruin or we get
tired of the second guessing. "yes i have done the same thing" I wish you Peace.

Larry ***
Posted 12/18/2014 3:09 AM (GMT 0)
I myself have ended up in the er over the last couple months. My heart is my biggest health anxiety. Are you into any type of therapy or medication from your doctor. I have been in therapy for about 2 months and it has greatly helped me in that aspect.

Good luck.
Posted 12/18/2014 3:21 AM (GMT 0)
GMoon, I'm right there with you. I know all too well what you are feeling, I've had chest that just resurfaced s few days ago. Tonight the fear got the best of tonight and I ended up going to urgent care where they told me that it's the anxiety and muscle spasms in my back,
Try to distract yourself with something, baking, reading a book, etc. I find that if my mind is busy I don't obsess over every pain.

Take care.
Posted 12/18/2014 3:26 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks so much guys...I know that I'm basically torturing myself, but I don't know how to stop. I'm constantly thinking that I don't wanna waste my life worrying about dying & then never truly live. But it's so hard when you have all of these real symptoms. and besides the chest pains I've been getting palpitations/pounding heart more than usual..so that just fuels my anxiety more thinking something is wrong with my heart. Even laying in bed right now typing this my heart rate is probably around 105 & feels uncomfortable. I just want a peaceful night, just once
Posted 12/18/2014 4:35 AM (GMT 0)
I'm right there with you. It's my constant fear, too. What if...? Then it gets all my symptoms going which fuels my thoughts into thinking see there HAS to be something wrong. Next thought is I can't leave my son, he's so young, what will he do? Then I start crying. It's a nonstop, cruel cycle that I wish I could stop completely. Since starting therapy, I've gotten better at reining the horrible thoughs in, but I still have my very bad days. Lately it's been more often. Winter, darkness, cold, holiday stress...it's hard. Plus it was this time of year last year that things got really bad for me with my first panic attacks. I totally get it and I wish I could meet up with you and we could hang out and help one another through. But we've got the next best thing because this forum is filled with amazing people who are always here when you need them. There's never a foolish question and there's always a ton of support. Hugs :)
Posted 12/18/2014 4:52 AM (GMT 0)
Have you read the book, "It is not all in your head"? It is a great book about health anxiety and how to help with it. Also CBT therapy helps a lot with it.
I an panic attacks about 14 years ago and they went away, I have lived a very happy and comfortable life until about 7 months ago where I got heartburn and started to think that I was going to get cancer if it did not stop. We it did not and I ended up with another bout of anxiety that I am still dealing with. I am on Lexapro and it helps with the health anxiety but the general anxiety that I have developed over the past 7 months is still a battle.
Remember that reassurance does not last long. So going to the hospital only helps you for few hours or a few days. So long that the doctors have told you that there is nothing wrong with your heart or chest, you need to put that aside and treat the anxiety issue. It is not your heart, It is your anxiety that making you not live your life. Believe me, I am not too far off in terms of heartburn. Believe it or not, when I am not anxious, I don't worry one bit about heartburn. I know it is not going to harm me since I am treating it, but when I am anxious, about anything, the heartburn concerns come into my thoughts again. So it is not the issue of heartburn hurting me, it is the issue of anxiety making me think that way.
You will be fine. Therapy with a GOOD therapist will help you a lot. You will get over this, this is only temporary. Remind yourself that anxiety is temporary thing.

Hope this helps
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