Posted 1/5/2015 4:29 AM (GMT 0)
Ugggh I miss him why do I constantly put myself through this pain, whats so hard about being single. That I continually give a man that makes the same mistakes another chance, told him on 2nd chance he do it again I would leave him for good 6years of loving this man off and on apart for a few then back into my life he came last year crying ,angry 😠,sleep 💤,stressed, anxiety at a all time extra high at time talking to him less and less my choice. Because if he had it his way we would be back together like nothing happened, no no not this time I can't deal with the lies my stomach is messed up and Iam all drained. Half these problems are due to the stress he has had me under, I refuse to deal with a habitual liar and a cheater who is a womanizer Iam literally bipolar now thought about texting him a while ago but what stopped me was what the elder at church said to me today. I haven't told anybody what I've been dealing with, infact only my close friends know no one in my family knows the real life drama I've been dealing with not even the pastor knows. Like Iam in real pain trying to let it go and not cry myself to sleep 💤 at night 🌃 now here is the deep confession, only share because no one has ever judged me here I ask him the first time and he lied to me. Then I saw her on facebook through someone else page with him& her as the profile pick, he has a wife whom he aparently cheated on not with me and she put him out. Oh wait but me asking him and he had no other choice but to tell the truth, and admit to it that he did Lord this gives me a choking sensation typing it. I know better I promised I wouldn't put myself in this situation, but I did not once, twice, three times but so on now a bang adulterous woman. Iam sick about it tried leaving many times but he would always end up manipulating me saying something to make me stay/come back but here is where he crossed the line for last time. New Years Eve and Morning I was with him and it was because he wanted to be with me, didn't ask him but come the next day no word from him barely half texts I would get he still doesn't know I can see her facebook page and status she writes. Reading between line since he has no where to stay he has literally been begging her to come back, he is a user but she says she was done and put up with long enough Iam trying to give him a chance to admit truth. But he wouldn't to point I text and call 📱him a liar and said I was done with him, oh and here comes my phone he texting me I ignore for a whole day and a half I ignore I finally answer to hear what he has to say still a liar and mad at me for not talking to him things ain't the same txts to day here it is 12 hrs I've not replied back really hard I want to tell him I know what he has been doing and show him& I want to talk to her but friends have told me not to say one word to her and hearing what God said I've not said anything to him. I just need more strength this man has took everything from me, and has some kind of hold on me a soul tie and I must break it completely but Lord it is hard. open to all advice I can take it confessing here this is really therapeutic in a small way, a start to healing for me can't talk to Pastor for he is my brother would like to sit down and seek counsel from Elder in church, don't trust that because he and my brother are close lord this man is calling me now so torn. :(