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Intro and anxiety attack this afternoon

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Anxiety & Panic Disorders
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Posted 1/8/2015 12:31 AM (GMT 0)
Hey folks,

I'm a 19-year old college student from Michigan. I suffer from clinical depression, anxiety, IBS-D, and Asperger's Syndrome.

So I'm embarrassed and ashamed about what happened earlier, and I'll tell you the whole story. I'm gay, and I'm not out to my parents and am kind of scared to be out to them, and when my mom came home from work earlier (I'm home for the holidays) on her lunch hour, she offered me a seat on the couch so we could have an "Adult conversation." This usually means I've screwed up big time, or it's just something I don't want to talk about. I feared that this was about my sexual orientation, and I went into complete Panic Crisis Mode and had the feelings of tightness and contraction in my chest and stomach, and I just ran and got my coat and got in my car and drove away. She later texted me and said, "Why did you run away, all I wanted to talk about was your education?"

I've never reacted that dramatically in a panic attack, and I'm ashamed of that. Looks like when I get back to school, I'm going back on medication.
Posted 1/8/2015 1:50 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Michboy,

Welcome to the forum. I found this forum around 3 months ago and it really is a good outlet to vent or get your feelings off your chest. I'm sorry that you're having these difficulties now. It sppears that you had your situation under control and something has triggered it recently to bring these feelings back.

Besides the discussion with your mother are there any other stressful events that are bringing this on?
Posted 1/8/2015 2:06 AM (GMT 0)
I've dealt with depression for a good portion of my life. This past September, the depression hit me hard, and the anxiety came back recently. Not to mention the whole not-being-out part really adds to this, and I'm just really defensive about that sort of stuff around them.
Posted 1/8/2015 3:09 AM (GMT 0)
Hi MB and welcome!

I am really sorry to hear about the struggles that you are recently going through...it sounds as if there are current circumstances that are adding to an already existing A/D issue...and that was all combining to create the panic episode yesterday.

What if anything have you tried thus far in terms of treatment? Any therapy/self-help, or meds?

If you can give us a little more background...we can better advise you on how to make a step for getting help.

Know that you are not alone on your challenges...we understand and care...so post anytime!

Scaredy cat
Posted 1/8/2015 3:54 AM (GMT 0)
Welcome! You're in the right place. Everyone is very kind, compassionate, and helpful.
Posted 1/8/2015 8:09 PM (GMT 0)

Scaredy Cat said...
Hi MB and welcome!

I am really sorry to hear about the struggles that you are recently going through...it sounds as if there are current circumstances that are adding to an already existing A/D issue...and that was all combining to create the panic episode yesterday.

What if anything have you tried thus far in terms of treatment? Any therapy/self-help, or meds?

If you can give us a little more background...we can better advise you on how to make a step for getting help.

Know that you are not alone on your challenges...we understand and care...so post anytime!

Scaredy cat

I used to be on Buspar as-needed, but since I'm home for the holidays (Thankfully for only the next couple days) I can't exactly see my psychiatrist right now. I'm going to make an appointment as soon as I get back to school, as I want to get on Xanax or another anti-anxiety drug. That said, I'm also going to see if they can get me on a different antidepressant, as I don't think Prozac is working for me anymore.

I've dealt with depression for about half my life. But I'd never had it this bad before. This past September I was sleeping 16 hours a day and so fatigued that just walking to the bathroom took a monumental effort.
Posted 1/8/2015 11:32 PM (GMT 0)
MB,

Okay...good plan..a.switch up might just be in order for you Rx's.

Does your P-doc also offer therapy, or can he/she make a referral? The combination of this treatment option and meds is a winning one for many people.

Whatever you end up deciding on...keep us posted if you find this a helpful outlet...and we'll keep you in support.:)

S.C.
Posted 1/9/2015 5:16 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Michboy and welcome. I'm sorry to hear of the difficulties you're having. That must be really hard not being out to your family. Do you think they would react poorly to the news? Is is possible they already know? A good friend of mine came out to me a few years back and we all were like, yep- we know! He said, you do? He was fretting about telling us and it wasn't even a big deal. He had made it a huge deal in his head. Not saying this is what is happening with you, but who knows. Do you think this is contributing to your depression? By your reaction this afternoon, it is definitely causing some strong reactions and anxiety for you. It's going to be ok. Big hugs.
Posted 1/10/2015 12:29 AM (GMT 0)
Yeah I have a counselor and I'm looking forward to going to therapy again now that Christmas break is over. MissGigi, I'm pretty certain my mom knows, but my dad who's emotionally abusive and one of the biggest narcissists I've ever met is still clueless. He told me a couple weeks ago that I should "save all the cards your wife sends you so that 20 years down the road she'll find them and you'll score major points and get laid that night."

There's too many family dynamic issues for me to ever be able to come out. It is one of the things that plays into the depression though, I'll grant you that.
Posted 1/10/2015 4:41 PM (GMT 0)
Hey MB.,

I am sorry to hear about the difficult/complicated realtionship that you have with your dad. Is this something that you are or hope to work on with your counselor? (rhetorical question if you like...just throwing ideas out there!)

We can't change others or their behavior, but we can certainly change our own reaction to it, in order to heal from traumas, the past, and ensuring a positive and healthy future.

Wishing you a great start of the new semester! Keep us posted as to how you are doing.:)

S.C.
Posted 1/11/2015 2:32 AM (GMT 0)
I can say for sure that I'm doing a lot better today. I finished writing the novel I'd been working on since I was 16 and a junior in high school. After 3 years and 4 months of work, 218 pages and 46,000 words, I accomplished something that not many people can do: write a book.
Posted 1/11/2015 7:10 PM (GMT 0)
Congratulations on the book, are you going to try to get it published?
Posted 1/12/2015 2:20 AM (GMT 0)
Congrats that is awesome!!

Fiction/non-fiction?

What is the subject/what is it about?

Great job and enjoy your feelings of accomplishment!

S.C.
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