Posted 1/14/2015 5:40 PM (GMT 0)
After nearly one yr after a traumatic episode of stress, major insomnia, panic, anxiety depersonalization, and well non-stop thinking about my condition, i'm finally going for the meds and treatment. All this started in March 2014... A tenant from hell triggered a complete mental breakdown i guess.. Around mid 2014, after going to the doc with all the anxiety symptoms and not being able to sleep, i was offered the srri's, but i initially declined them, thinking I'd just heal with time. However i found myself just getting worse, creating new anxieties, phobias and becoming even more disassociated.
I was clinically diagnosed with PTSD about 1 week ago. Going to see a psychiatrist early Feb and also a therapist.
Saw my general practitioner today and he agreed with me that i should start some meds today, so by the time i see the psychiatrist, i'll already have three weeks for the meds to start working. I've been put on Zoloft.. Don't know the mg, yet, as it was just called in.
A bit of history. A happily married male 42 yrs old. father of two, always thought of myself as head strong. (even though i did have an episode of panic/anxiety/dp-dr just over 20yrs ago, caused by taking too many recreational drugs over a short period of time). Though it took a long time of what seemed like a living hell, i completely got over it, and that kinda gave me the confidence to say that well if i got over that, then i have the ability to get over anything... Expect this round, i've had all the confidence beaten out of me. Prior to all of this, i slept well, and loved life.. I have no other issues today that should keep me in this state of mind.
Symptoms today include, non-stop thinking about my situation, which creates anxiety, and the worst part for me is visually analyzing everything to see if it looks off or a little trippy. Its as if my perception has slightly changed. Complex patterns look a lot more confusing, that kinda thing. i analyze colors asking myself if they look brighter or if contrasts are higher.. (I guess this is part of DP-DR? or perhaps just memories from my drug taking days over 20yrs ago) Anyway i know all of this being absolute crap.. its only my perception that's changed. I guess i panicked that it was one day and boom, i allowed it to freak me out... then it stuck. I know all of this is anxiety fueling it, & unfortunately i 'allow' it to bother me.. The good news is that if i'm strong enough to take my mind off it, then it does go away.. So i know i'm curable. Taking my mind off it, is the hard part though.. There's only so many hobbies or socializing i can do..
So today, i will start a treatment of zoloft... scared of what it will do, knowing that it alters the brain,.. But hoping i will get my life back. Cos i'm soooooooo DONE !! with this disorder.. . It's taken a yr of my life completely away. Hopefully it'll help me STOP the visual analyzing, which is fueling the anxiety and continuing the non-stop thinking about my disorder. I don't expect a magic pill, but hopefully it'll be a tool to help not panic, and not let all this BS control me anymore. Also interested to see what the therapist has in order for me... Not sure i'll fit into the 'meditate profile' as my concentration levels are not the best.
Anyway thought i'd share my story. Fingers crossed that this zoloft helps me on the road to recovery.